Monthly Archives: June 2009

Nick Green is Vanilla Ice

This comparison is brought to our attention by Katfish:

I’ve never seen them in the same place at the same time.

StartMattCassel

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The Red Sox are Just Better than You: What I learned in a Week Away From The Ballpark

So for the last week, I’ve been away. Some of you may noticed, others may not have (only three people read this so there must be a majority either way). But while I was away, I took the time to stop and smell the roses and learn some new things (in between sessions of beating up my liver).  Here is what I remember:

10. Chicago is a great city, but it is nothing like Boston. Sure, the people are more laid back than New York, but the city looks different, is more segregated and allows drink specials in bars. The most important difference is that while people are similarly laid back, there are fewer assholes per square mile (except on Montrose beach, where people just dont pay attention and walk right through your Cornhole game) and nobody uses the horn on their car. We should conquer them, rename the city “Bostonisbetterthanyouville” and then get wasted with the locals on some of those truly amazing drink specials.

9. I hate the Mets. No, not as much as the Yankees, but the fact that they cant win one of three against them makes them about as useful as the entire city of Newark, NJ.

8. Back in the day it used to be that you could travel to buy products that you couldn’t get at home or foods that weren’t shipped to where you live. Today, you can get anything you want over the internet, and that part of the experience has been taken out of travel to a point. The one thing that you can travel for is beer. In Chicago I drank Goose Island (Honker’s Ale and 312), New Belgium (Fat Tire) and Murphy’s Bleachers ales which I cannot get at home. This added to the experience of being away greatly as it was not just the visual experience which was different, but the taste of the city as well.

7. Every day I am away I miss NESN more. Nuff ‘Ced.

6. From now on Every time I travel for more than a weekend I am going to find a Red Sox bar in whatever city I am in. They are everwhere and walking in to them makes you feel like you are at home. Plus, you can watch the game on NESN, on every TV. Big ups to the Tripoli Tap. I didn’t get to make it there this trip but you’ve made me feel at home in the past.

5. Play Cornhole. It has nothing to do with butt sex, as it may seem, but is a great alternative to sitting while you drink and doesn’t require you to dig out a horshoe pit or put up a dart board.

4. Everywhere you go you will see Red Sox fans, and they will always see you and give you the acknowledgement head nod. It’s a brotherhood.

3. We seem to have forgotten what it was like for us in Red Sox Nation before 2004, when winning became expected and the horrible collapse unthinkable. I was on my way to the airport during the U.S. – Brazil Soccer game on Sunday with my buddy Jimmy Junk (also known as the cheapest man ever), and we heard on the radio that we (that would be the Amurrrricns) were winning two-nil in the 27th (yup, 27th) minute. Junk actually started to celebrate, thinking it was all over and that the rest of the world was going to have another reason to hate us (well F@#$ you too). But I knew different, as that little part of me that wasn’t killed by the Greatest Comeback In Sports History spoke up and told me to stop counting chickens. Sure enough I was right. We should be pissed that we didn’t win it all, not happy that we made it that far. If the U.S. doesn’t win the World Cup next summer I’ll be dissapointed.

Fear Him2. Eck is getting better at teaching people about the art of pitching every day, even as his vocabulary expands. Last night, as He Who Shall Not Be Doubted (so nasty) was shutting down the O’s, Eck had a sequence where he taught us about establishing the inside, even with a ball, and then making Aubrey Huff look like my sister at the plate by throwing outside. I don”t know if I’m the only one but I wouldn’t mind seeing a three man booth once the Rem Dawg gets back.

1. The Red Sox are really really good and everyone else is jealous.

Go Sox.

Done.

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RIP Billy Mays

The international man of pitch died Sunday in Tampa. Details are still coming out, but those of us who have grown to love the pitchman mystic will have an absence in their hearts and a longing for funnier TV commercials.

That brings the past weeks tally of celebrity deaths to four. Fawcette, Michael, McMahon and now Mays. Creepy.

MY WHOLE FAMILY LOVES IT!!!!

MY WHOLE FAMILY LOVES IT!!!!

With more to come,

StartMattCassel

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I want a 1908 Sox jersey with Wakefield’s name & number on the back

The Very Good, Tim Wakefield.

The Very Good, Tim Wakefield.

Wake goes 6 scoreless (3 hit ball) and passes it off to Delcarmen, Masterson and Papelbon who allow only 1 hit and register a hld a hld and a s. I love initials. Sox win, 1-0.

If Tim Wakefield isn’t an all star this year, I kill a bunny.

***

Don’t forget to get your beer early today before the liquor stores close and the soccer game coverage starts at 2. I’ll probably watch the first the half, get some conversational bullet points and then go play some golf. It’s totally OK to be a casual fan.

StartMattCassel

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The Americans are Ruining Soccer. And in America, it’s Called Soccer.

So.... this guy without the shirt got fined for taing his cloths off in celebration of his score... Its just... all so funny.

So.... this guy without the shirt got fined for taking his cloths off in celebration of his score... It's just... all so funny.

First, I just want it known that I am not a real soccer fan. I don’t pout when anybody loses, I can’t name any starting lineups and I don’t get the whole David Beckham craze (I don’t even think I know how to spell his name). What I love about the international stage of any sport is the pride and will of nations that come clashing together at every match. I was in Italy once when they beat the Netherlands to win the Euro Cup and it was one of the coolest country wide parties I’ve ever been to. Naturally, because I am a God fearing (conservative) red blooded country loving Amuuurican I’m more than happy to take the opportunity to cheer on the American soccer team. (The real America.)

Here’s what I know, right this second, without Googling any facts:

In order for the US team to have moved on and face Spain they had to beat some team (who I think was pretty good, maybe Italy or Brazil) 3-o, and some other team… maybe Italy or Brazil, had to beat some other team, maybe Greece, 3-0… Then if they beat Spain (who I gather was on a 35 game winning streak) they get to go onto the finals of what i think is called, The Confederations Cup.

This has nothing to do with the column... but when I googled Spain loses to US, it was like three rowes down... and it was my favorite.

This has nothing to do with the column... but when I googled 'Spain loses to US,' it was like three rowes down... and it was my favorite.

Well… It all actually happened.

Flash forward to Thursday (I think): Benny Bagels and I walk into The Sevens in Beacon Hill. People at a dive bar in Boston are talking about the US beating Spain. It was pretty cool if you’re into some occasional sports variety.

So Bagels turns to me and says: “Well it’s just a matter of time now before the rest of the world stops playing soccer.”

HAHAHA. It’s so true. As white guys finally break onto the international scene, we are the unwanted minority moving onto the delicate homogeneous block. (I think I avoided actually committing to a racist comment there, but feel free to disagree with me in the comments if you feel other wise… just don’t be gay about it.) If I could make just one tweak to the US uniform, I would put a black and white image of Dick Cheney on the back right shoulder.

Lalas in 1993.

Lalas in 1993.

ESPN also deserves some props for properly promoting the games and for going out a getting Alexi Lalas to break it down on TV. Alexi was everyone’s first favorite American soccer player from the Cup back in 1992.

So tomorrow afternoon, at 2:45, the US plays (will probably lose to) Brazil in the finals of the Confederations Cup. I have no idea what that means other than it’s super cool that the US is beating around these latin ‘football’ countries. Go soccer and go international sports.

Go eff yourself, rest of the world... were just better.

Go eff yourself, rest of the world... we're just better.

Sincerely,

StartMattCassel

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Done checks in from Chicago…

The caption is in the picture.

The caption is in the picture.

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Red Sox Crush Nats: What Did You Think Was Going to Happen?

“Stuff might not show up in the box score, but it might show up in the win column.’’ – Jacoby Ellsbury.

nationals-optimismThat is the story of two seasons. The Boston Red Sox have the best record in the American League, a five lead on the Yankees in the standings, and are really good. The Washington Generals Nationals are the worst team in baseball, are 20-48 and on pace to lose more games than the 1962 Mets. Yeah, sure, the Nats had won four of their past six games against the Jays and Yanks (thanks for that one), but that doesn’t change who they are. Their “Ace,” 24 year old John Lannan entered the game 4-5 with an ERA just north of three, and he pitched well, but the quote from Ellsbury came back to bite Lannan on his ass when Julian Tavarez (yes, that Julian Tavarez, I only wish I had gotten to see him point to where the ball goes) came on in the seventh. Maybe it was the fact that most of the Nationals Park record crowd was Sox fans.

This is how bad they are: Spelling their own name is an issue, just like SMC after about 5 Crown Royals.

This is how bad they are: Spelling their own name is an issue, just like SMC after about 5 Crown Royals.

Through no fault of his own, Julian took the loss after a one of the little things dickslapped the Nats. A Ryan Zimmerman error (he is the only worthwhile player on the team) allowed Youk to get to first, Bay singled and Youk made the good baserunning play to get to third (not in the box score), and thena Sac fly by the captain drove him in. One run on one hit, an error and a great baserunning play by a slow guy. These are the little things that good teams do and bad teams don’t.

Think about how back in the day (a long time ago according to Larry Lucchino), the Yanks were winning World Championships (gag) and one of the things that they always did was take advantage of the lucky things that fell their way, just about every time. The prime example that I can remember is in the 1999 ALCS. I was in my buddy Smook’s basement, “working on a school project,” when the Yanks got the phantom tag on Jose Offerman (he was 7 feet away from the glove) which shut down a Sox rally and the next inning the Yanks blew the game open and effectively ended the series (I can only even think about this because of 2004). The good teams take advantage of their lucky breaks, the bad ones don’t.

This might have been the best play of the year, especially with the American Gladiators Assault roll.

This might have been the best play of the year, especially with the American Gladiators Assault roll.

Oh, and this was a shitkicking. Future AL MVP Jason Bay was 4-6 with a homer, 3 RBI, 3 runs and broke it open in the eighth with a two run single (he has 69 RBI in 69 games, I’m just saying). Ells was 4-4 with two (count ’em, two) triples, Dusty Pete was 3-6 from the lead off spot, and we even had a Dusty Brown sighting (Brown was brought up to replace some crappy Japanese pitcher two days ago and will be sent down for a Hall of Famer on Thursday).  The Sox banged out their season high 17 hits, and the Yanks lost again to the Braves, pushing the cushion to five games (magic number: 88).

Of course, if it weren’t for Nick Green’s sick third inning double play (sick!) we might not have had the chance.

Go Sox.

Done.

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