Monthly Archives: July 2009

I Virtually Hate Bleacher Report.

As some of you my know, for the past few months, SMC and I have been posting some of our work on a site known as Bleacher Report. This is a site for aspiring sports writers and other douchebags (ourselves included) to post their opinions, reactions and predictions on anything relating to the wold of sports. It is a great idea, and probably makes the people who came up with it a crapload of money. It has been a mostly enjoyable experience for us, as we have brought a lot of traffic to our site (mostly because we only put half of each article on there with a link to the rest of it, which pisses some people off but works really well) and given us some guidance on how to improve our work by allowing us to read the work of others like us.

StartMattCassel.

The seedier side of StartMattCassel.

In the past week, however, I have come across the seedier side of BleacherReport and this whole internet thing in general. On Monday, we received an email (through the BR system) from our first fan on the site, a guy named Revo. I have never met Revo, nor do I have any idea of who he actually is as a person, but he has been enjoying our work and commenting on it for a while, and generally seems to be a good guy. In his email, Revo warned me that ” due to an insulting and controversial article I wrote, taking the BR leaders to task for their incompetence, it is not advisable for you to be associated with me if you are interested in not having possible harassment issues on BR.” I was shocked. First of all, having people harass me about what I write is part of the fun of it to me. Thats why SMC and I try to keep the site as anonymous as possible, so that what we say here is less likely to comeback and bite us on the ass in our real lives. Second, the fact that somebody had to warn me to not be seen as associating with him because, just by being a fan of his, people would bother me is incredible to me.

Bleacher Report.

Bleacher Report.

Yes, Revo did write an article (much like this one I guess) telling the people who run Bleacher Report (who have been nothing but nice to us) exactly why they should go fornicate themselves with a sharp stick, or at least run their business better, but that is the whole purpose of the site. If it was not created for the free exchange of ideas, then why is it there? Not being able to criticize the way that the site is run will lead to it stagnating and not getting better, which was all that Revo wanted in the first place. Now, the site won’t get better, and is actually worse, because one of the people who cared to make it better is gone (you can find Revo at therevofiles.blogspot.com for some really good Bruins stuff).

The other thing that I discovered on BR is that it is not the quality of your writing or your ideas that makes you “good.” Rather, it is the amount of comments that you receive from the other miscreants on there. For the most part these comments are less often actually commentary on the article and more often sycophantic responses regurgitated in the hopes that the author will comment on your writing.

Admit it.

Heartbeat of the Bronx.

This was taught to me by a gentleman who calls himself  “Heartbeat of the Bronx.” I had commented (starting with telling him that he is an idiot) on an article in which he explained the the Yankees would have run away with the division if they hadn’t played the Red Sox this year. I said it was a ridiculous argument based not on cold fact, but on the hot streak that the Yanks are riding and his juvenile wish to block out the fact that the Pinstriped Assholes are 0-8 against the Sox this season. I explained that he was looking at a snapshot of a point in the season and claiming that the race was over. While I expected some type of response, his comment amounted to the fact that he thought himself better than us because more people comment on his articles. He has not yet responded to my criticism.

Now, I’m not a genius, and I don’t know much about the politics of this whole internet thing (though I do know that when SMC was forced to take a class on second life, he got in a virtual fight with a guy after bumping into the guy’s virtual wife, and got a real apology from the guy the next day), but what happened to the idea that the best writer is the guy (or girl) with the best writing, best points and most clever delivery? This “Heartbeat of the Bronx” character truly is an idiot. His writing is full of logical fallacies, hyperbole, and poorly delivered arguments. He believes that he is the pulse of the Yankees, but has to make up ridiculous ideas like “What if the Yankees were animals?” and the all time Catholic team. If you are reading this, “Heartbeat,” I hope you have an especially painful poop today.

I know that this article might get us kicked off Bleacher Report, or at least harassed by all those people that Revo warned us about, but that would be kinda cool.

Go Sox.

Done.

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The only thing more important than SEC football is God and Country.

You see this, America? The big white jesus loving palm of mine? This is where you will get your meals for the next few months.

You see this, America? The big white jesus loving palm of mine? This is where you will get your meals for the next few months.

I hate almost all media days. Super bowl media day: a hoax; highschoolers signing with college team media day: painful; putting Tim Tebow in a suit at a microphone stand for a half-hour so the nation can see how proud the SEC is of their jesusfearing big white virgin quarterback: infuriating. I popped over to ESPN during my lunch burger today and there he was: talking about how great these new coaches Florida just hired for him are, some guy from Michigan he was all bonered up about. Blah blah blah, hard work this, blah blah , Jesus that. Florida has HUGE shoes to fill. Wire to wire for their third straight national title? I freaking hope not.

I can also confirm that Marks wife, Jamie, is smoking hot.

I can also confirm that Mark's wife, Jamie, is smoking hot.

On another note, Done woke me up this morning to explain why it was cool that the Sox had an off day at home today so they could all get their shit in order and have coffee with their wives. Sure enough about 45 minutes ago as I was picking up an iced sextuplet latte at my local beacon hill coffee joint, out walked Mark Kotsay and his significant other pushing a baby carriage talking about the lease on his apartment… which he’ll probably be subletting very soon. (I was wearing a Steamboat Bill’s Crawfish t-shirt which he remarked about so we chatted Louisiana for a minute and then parted ways. We can now confirm that Kotsay is just another professional guy that spent some time helping the depth chart of the World Champions. Godspeed.)

And on even another note, I have discovered a cool new distraction based funny blog today. Props to the writers of On The List. Great hilarity.

Dont get too worked up. Youre still just the other Sox.

Don't get too worked up. You're just the other Sox. And go #27.

And my final note… Mark “I was the guy you were gonna trade Lester for but it’s cool cuz we’re both sick but Lester is still more sick even though I threw a perfect game but he only threw a no hitter but he’s younger and will end up having a better and longer career with more wins and championships than me” Buehrle threw a Perfect Effing Game today. Super cool. First time since The Big Twisted Unit tossed one five years ago.

Not bad for an off-day.

StartMattCassel

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Adam LaRoche and the Red Sox, A Match Made In Pittsburgh.

UPDATE: In a move that nobody thought any team would be stupid enough to make, the St. Louis Cardinals have traded Chris Duncan and a Player to be Named Later (hopefully named Albert or Yadier) for Julio Lugo. This makes two first basemen acquired by the Sox today, though Duncan, still to be counted as a prospect, will be sent to Pawtucket. Good luck with Julio, St. Louis, I hope he is better to you than he was to us.

Bay, McLouth and Laroche. If the Pirates keep giving quality bats away this mascot is going to end up swallowing that gun Hemmingway style.

If the Pirates keep giving quality bats away this mascot is going to end up swallowing that gun Hemmingway style.

I am really beginning to love the Pittsburgh Pirates. Not only are they called Pirates, but they have developed this great habit of giving up just the kind of player that the Sox need right around the All-Star Break. Last year it was Jason Bay, who is slumping, but will still give us the 31 HR and 110 RBI that he has every other season of his career (The man is so consistent that his first half and second half career numbers are almost exactly the same), and this year it is Adam LaRoche.

Apparently hes slick with the glove too.

Apparently he's slick with the glove too.

LaRoche (whose French seeming name is already annoying to type) is a first baseman and not to be confused with his brother Andy, who plays third. He will allow the Sox to spell Lowell and his aging hip by shifting over to third while providing some pop. My favorite stat about this guy is that while he is an average first half player, his numbers in the second half of the season have traditionally been All-Star Quality, with an OPS after the Break of .901 (which has always pissed me off, had he had those stats in the first half, he would have been an All-Star, but because they were in the second half and he was on a shitty team, they go unnoticed). LaRoche will provide a lefthanded power bat who, when he’s on (he is a streaky hitter), destroys right handed pitching, which is exactly what the club needed.

They said yes? Again? Hilarious.

They said yes? Again? Hilarious.

Odds are that Kotsay and his “ailing calf” will go on the DL to free up a roster spot as Theo was only forced to send a couple of spare change minor leaguers to Baseball Purgatory/Pittsburgh in return for LaRoche. Hopefully this will turn out to be another great deal by Theo, and not another Gagne. Not having to give up a major league part in this deal makes it even better because it keeps Tito’s options intact when working with his bullpen.

The New Guy probably won’t be able to make it to Texas tonight before the first pitch at 8:05, seeing as he was in a dugout for the Pirates game vs. the Brew Crew this afternoon, but he’ll be at Fenway for us to wlecome him proper on Friday night.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Note To Theo and the Red Sox: One Game is Too Much, Now You Can Blow It Up.

explosion-fingerIn the words of my dear Sister, OH MY GOD! What are we going to do? We have only 69 games left (I admit I made a mistake yesterday when I forgot those last two games, please feel free to crucify me for it in the comments section) to recover from this awful four game losing streak and a one game deficit in the division. Holy Crap.

I don’t know what we should do first, trade the Portland Sea Dogs (and the city of Portland, with an offer of all of Maine just in case) for Roy Halladay, or ship off Brad Penny to wherever we can get a hitter from, or have John Smoltz euthanized.

The pink areas now belong to the Toronto Blue Jays

The pink areas now belong to the Toronto Blue Jays

And now Wakefield is on the DL, so we’re really screwed. I think I’m actually going to just move to Tajikistan (real place) so that I don’t have to worry about thet huge one game lead that the Yanks have with only 69 games to go. Has any team ever come that far back this late in the season?

And for all of you that aren’t freaking out right now, think about this. Josh Beckett lost last night. He can’t ever lose again if we are going to win the division. The Yanks are even winning with Sergio Mitre on the mound, and he wasn’t good enough for the Marlins.

Not Good....... Again

Not Good....... Again

Don’t even get me started on the bats. The Sox are clearly not just going through a road slump like they did at the start of the season. they haven’t scored more than four runs since the break and can’t get a big hit. David Ortiz is never going to hit another home run, and Kevin Youkilis might as well just shave his beard because it’s power seems to have waned. Pedroia is too small and somebody needs to turn the emotions chip in J.D. Drew’s body back on.

Plus, I think Tito’s gone senile with his new pomegranate green tea commercials. Fruit is for hippies.

You know what we need? Rodimus Prime.

(Reverse Cheer Complete)

Go Sox.

Done.

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Settle Down Children, The World is Not Coming to an End.

Don't Press the Button Yet.

Don't Press the Button Yet.

Sure, the Yanks have swept their last four while the Sox have lost three in a row. Sure, the division is now tied. But this is not the end of the world.

Look at the calendar. Today is July 21, and there are 68 games remaining in the season. The Red Sox do not need to get rid of Peny, Smoltz or anyone else. The whole of Red Sox Nation is looking at a snapshot of the season, where as Theo and the boys in his office are looking at the timeline.

Did you really expect him to be the Smoltz of old after five starts?

Did you really expect him to be the Smoltz of old after five starts?

So let’s all settle down, relax, and realize that the standings on July 21 don’t matter on October 5th. We don’t need to overreact to a bad outing by Penny or Smoltz by blowing up a long standing development plan and bankrupting the minors to land Halladay (unless it looks like the Yanks are going to). We don’t need to throw Buchholz into the mix with the huge expectations on his shoulders that he collapsed under last season. We don’t need to go out and get a bat because a couple of guys have had a bad week.

Everything will be O.K. Beckett is going tonight. The team is coming home on Friday. And the Yankees have been playing over their heads for the last few weeks. Plus, even if the season did end today, we have the tie breaker (in case you forgot, the Sox are 8-0 vs. the Pinstriped Assholes).

Go Sox.

Done.

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Say Goodbye To Lugowood. And Canada.

I Suck

I Suck

Well, that time has come, and Julio Lugo is no longer a member of the Boston Red Sox. He was designated for assignment by the club, to be traded or released within the next ten days (retroactive to last Friday), and seeing as he has sucked away money and time from the team for the past 2-1/2 seasons, his departure is a long awaited respite from sucking. With the absence of Lugo, Lowrie was added back to the roster and hit a bomb in his first game as he continues to rehab his knee and wrist. Of course, this means that we add him to Nick Green, who has sucked a lot less than Lugo, Renteria or anyone else since Nomar was good in 2002 (except Alex Gonzalez, who was awesome). I’m not going to miss him, or his errors, inability to turn a DP, or ability to kill a rally. It’ll be great when the Sox get back to Fenway so that I can bask in the glow of a Lugoless ballclub.

This is what Halladay did to us yesterday.

Doesn't this kind of look like he's wearing a powder blue BJs uniform?

Have I mentioned lately that I hate it when the Sox are on the road, especially in Canada? They can never seem to get it together up there, this time losing two of three to the fourth place Blue Jays and falling to just one game ahead of the Yanks in the division. Yesterday was a Roy Halladay game, one where Jon Lester pitched well enough to get the win but came up against the hopefully NL bound buzzsaw known as Doc Halladay. It was vintage Roy, a complete game (so there is no hope of getting to him by beating the bullpen), with no walks (low pitch count) and six K’s (usually at the most inopportune time for the Sox). But at least the rumor mill today indicates that the Phillies are the most likely destination for Halladay, giving them the odds on chance of being the NL team that loses to the Sox in the World Series.

Tonight the Sox get to Texas, where the Rangers have been a surprise but have been sucking lately. Let’s jump on that like Quagmire on a sleeping teenager.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Keep Your Halladay Off My Body.

Jose Offerman Body

Jose Offerman Body

Today is the day to convince the Yankees that they don’t want Roy Halladay so that they don’t go after them and we aren’t forced to trump them with a better deal. Halladay is going up against Lester, who has been dealing in that “he could bang my wife and I’d give him a high five afterwards” kind of way lately. Meanwhile, Halladay is auditioning for a move to a contender so that he can get the long awaited meaningful fall baseball that he has deserved in his career. I hope he gets it, but not with the Red Sox.

110708_lars_anderson

Lars Loves America. He Doesn't Want To Play In Canada.

Roy Halladay is a great pitcher, and he would make the Sox the odds on favorites to win the World Series. With a rotation of Beckett, Lester, Halladay and Wakefield (who is still leading the league in wins and cannot be overlooked), the Sox would be unbeatable in the playoffs, and for much of the rest of the regular season. He is also under contract for the 2010 season, meaning that the Sox would have 1-1/2 seasons of guaranteed Doc. The reasons to make the trade are the stuff of most fans’ dreams (SMC has a boner while reading this, I’ll bet a dollar on it), but it is a move that the Sox should avoid making at all costs (except to stop the Pinstriped Assholes from getting him).

Why?

He's actually not going to suck. I hope.First and foremost there is the fact that it would take some of the Sox top prospects out of the system, and put them into the hands of a team that we have to face eighteen times per season. Clay Buchholz, who we all saw pitch very well Friday night, Michael Bowden, Daniel Bard and Lars Anderson are all guys who can be counted on to help the organization reload once players like ‘Tek, Ortiz, Lowell, Drew and the rotating cast of one year contracts are gone. If we make this deal, there is a chance that they are all gone to a division rival and in the 2010-11 off season we might lose the guy that we got to replace them.

If we trade Buchholz, there will be fewer penthouse pets in Boston.

If we trade Buchholz, there will be fewer penthouse pets in Boston.

And then there’s the money. After next season, Beckett and Halladay will both have expiring contracts. I say this not in the NBA “Expiring Contract” sexy kind of way but in the “holy shit we have to pony up $20 million per season to resign each of these guys” kind of way. The Sox (and by that I mean Theo and his guys) have structured the contracts of this team carefully so that they can have flexibility and freedom in the way that they spend in the upcoming years. A big part of that flexibility is having the cheap talent (not hookers) coming up through the system. Without the young guys who they have six years of control over to slot into positions that are vacated, they might not have the financial means to sign Joe Mauer (10 years, $200 million in a second), or the other types of high priced free agents that allow the Sox to continue to compete in the best division in baseball.

So today the Sox need to go out there and rough him up so that the Yanks don’t want him, and make him not want to come here because he’s bitter (and his ERA at Fenway is his highest at any Major League park). And Since when does Zepchinski start with an R?

Go Sox.

Done.

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