Monthly Archives: November 2009

Red Sox News!………… Not Really, But At Least It’s Something.

With the free agent season in its infancy and the Winter Meetings (also known as the world’s biggest bullshit session) still two weeks away (Dec 7-10, in Indy, a place which doesn’t even have a Major League team, please explain that to me), the media is struggling to find things that might pass for news in the November doldrums of the not-yet-Hot-Stove season.

We need some of this.

Some of the so called pieces of news are that the Sox are trying to trade for Adrian Gonzalez (not going to happen unless Theo still has those pictures of Hoyer making out with a transvestite, plus, who isn’t trying to get Gonzalez), shopping Mike Lowell, and thinking about actually paying Jason Bay enough so that we don’t get Teixeira’d by our owners once again. Other options might be Adrian Beltre, Matt Holliday (who proved this year in Oakland that he’s not an AL guy, even though it was Oakland and nobody, not even Holliday, remembers who was hitting behind him), and the Robotic power hitter that Sony is building for the Sox to apologize for their Matsuzaka-bot falling apart last season.

We're hoping this tip-of-the-hat isn't a goodbye.

We're hoping this tip-of-the-cap isn't a goodbye.

There will likely be no real news on anything until at least the end of next week, unless Bay decides to have Thanksgiving Dinner Schilling style with Theo (remember, he’s an Amuurrrrican now), and the Sox give him the fifth year and the FU million over J.D. Drew.

Amidst all of the rampant speculation (the Sox are shopping everyone except Pedroia, Youkilis, and Lester, just to see what is available), there was one bit of news out of Red Sox camp, and it has nothing to do with a certain Cuban lefty. After the departure of good friend (and non threat) Brad Mills to manage the Astros (are they going to change their name now that they haven’t been in the Astrodome for almost a decade?), DeMarlo Hale has been promoted to Bench Coach, Tim Bogar is moving from first to third, and Ron Johnson, the PawSox manager for the last five years will take over as first base coach. The upswing of this is that we will have a new guy to complain about when one of our guys gets thrown out trying to score, and DeMarlo will be making the calls when Tito gets tossed. I know, it’s really nothing, but it’s better than college sports.

Be sure to check out this afternoon to actually hear us spout the crap that you read every day.

Go Sox.

82 Days.



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Artificial Turf: Patriots Cool Jets, Yet all not Right with World, Joe Mauer

AAAAHHHHHHHH. It's not about Randy vs. Reves... it's about the Patriots vs. Jets... and the Patriots kicked the Jets' asses this weekend.

Maybe it’s  because Sunday’s shellacking of Mark Sanchez and the New York Jets was so expected, or maybe it’s because it’s that boring stretch of the year before Thanksgiving and the holidays… but Boston seems to be somewhat caught in the doldrums of late November. The entire week consisted of all the national talking heads bashing the decision to go for it against the Colts and we even had to hear Bruschi yappin away about how it meant Bill didn’t respect the defense.. well I have news for you, Bruschi’s not a Patriot anymore, he’s a national talking head paid to say what he says and he’s dead to me.

The Pats are 7-3 and they’re 4th in the Ballpark’s current power rankings:

1. Colts

2. Vikings

3. Saints

4. Pats

5. Packers

6. Chargers

7. Bengals

8. Steelers

9. Cardinals

10. Texans

11. Giants

12. Falcons

13. Eagles

14. Panthers

15. Dolphins

16. Cowboys

17. Broncos

18. Titans

19. Ravens

20. 9ers

And if there could be power rankings for tough little white receivers it would go:

1. Welker (who had 192 yards receiving on 15 tosses on Sunday)

2. Edleman

Bodden takes his first one of the day past number 6 and straight to the house.

If there’s one thing that’s really got me off kilter it’s how unfunny Family Guy has gotten. It’s screwing up my after-football television watching on Sunday nights and American Dad is now actually more funny (funnier) than Family Guy is. The humor is just too spread out with the addition of the completely unfunny Cleveland Show which is really just a drag to watch. This whole Family Guy situation has me really dejected. The League is the one show that’s really holding it together for me outside of the usuals; South Park and Always Sunny.

Peter Griffin

Any who. I’m gonna sit in front of Monday night football and be pissy.

And I lost my effing Fantasy game this week. I should have started the Patriots D, who clobbered what’s-his-name for like 75 interceptions, 3 by Lee Bodden. Not to mention 2 more sacks by Tully Banta Cain, the Pat’s best pass rusher this season.

Go Chiefs, btw.

And just one more thing… Major League Baseball and the State of Minnesota need to do everything in their power to help the Twins keep Mauer where he is. If he leaves the Twins, I will hate baseball. Unless he’s leaving to play for the Red Sox… and even then… I’d still hate myself a little for cheering for him.



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Joe Mauer: 2009 AL MVP, 2011 Red Sox Catcher.

While it is sad that these are the last few hours or the MVP reign of Dustin Pedroia (Your 2008 AL MVP), Major League Baseball will be announcing the AL MVP tomorrow at two PM. The announcement should be no surprise as Joe Mauer was the most valuable player to a team that he drove to the playoffs with sheer force of will and huge testicles (if one of those Yankee f#$%sticks gets it I will rip Evan Grant’s ear off, Reservoir Dogs style). He’s a local to Minnesota and the people there love him enough to make up a rap about him:

What makes the situation all the sadder is that he is going to leverage this award into a ten year, $235 Million contract from the Red Sox (or the Pinstriped Assholes) and a ticket out of this home town, even though they have a brand new, snow filled ballpark. There is now way the Twins are going to be able to afford him, unless he takes fifty cents on the dollar.

I doubt it.

More when there is something to report (at least a rumor with some more balls), otherwise you can see all of the rampant speculation and rumor here. Winter Meetings start in a week.

Go Sox.

84 days.


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Things Not to Say While Broadcasting a Clippers Game.

Hamed Haddadi on Elvis Night.

The Clippers TV guys (play-by-play announcer Ralph Lawler and color analyst Michael Smith) were suspended by the team yesterday for being idiots. I’m not sure about in LA, but making racist and completely unnecessary comments on TV doesn’t fly around here. DO and RemDawg would never have this problem. Of course, it’s still kinda funny. Here’s what they said:

Smith: “Look who’s in.”

Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?”

Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” (Smith pronounced Iranian as “Eye-ranian,” a pronunciation that offended the viewer who complained.)

Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation.

Smith: “He’s the only one.”

Lawler: “He’s from Iran?”

Smith: “I guess so.”

Lawler: “That Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “The real Iran?”

Smith: “Yes.”

Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.”

Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?”

Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.”

Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.”

Smith: “Especially the post players.

Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”

Meanwhile, even our presence in the building wasn’t enough to help the Celtics beat a team with a winning record last night and nothing is coming out of Red Sox camp on the Hot Stove market. Pretty boring times around here, but the Bruins have won two in a row, so thats nice.

Go Sox.

85 Days.



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Week 11 NFL Picks: Witness the Arrival of MostValuablePork.

Thursday football makes Thursdays better. Unless you still don’t have the NFL network… in which case you are swearing as loud as you can at Roger Goodell. Unfortunately for you, this is Amuurrrrica and you need to buy the NFL network.

Additionally, some guy thinks he can pick games. So he’s in the 3rd column.

We both have Vince and the Titans on Monday night, the new guy has Houston…. the table just wasn’t big enough.

Last Week: SMC: 9-5-1 Done: 6-8-1

Overall: SMC: 52-61-2 Done: 52-61-2

Favorite Spread Dog Done SMC MVPork
At GB -6.5 SF GB GB GB
NO -11.5 At TB NO NO NO
At NE -10.5 NYJ NE NE NE

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Kevin Garnett: Full Court Assassin

Does this remind anyone else of the shot that Woody Harrelson has to make to prove himself in White Men Can’t Jump? Great movie, and the clip only gets me more excited about going to the C’s game tomorrow night with SMC and CutFromLittleLeague. Especially since they ended the slide where all four of our teams had lost their last game.

Now if the Sox would just do something.

Go Celtics, Go Sox.

87 Days.


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God Damn I Hate the Yankees.

Need I Say More? I just need something to happen, please.

Go Sox.

89 Days.


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