Monthly Archives: May 2010

The Ballpark Says Goodbye to Dennis Hopper.

“No! Poor people are crazy, Jack. I’m eccentric.” – Dennis Hopper

Goodbye to one of America’s great actors and the man who gave us easy rider.

Go Sox.



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We Lost to the Royals? The Freaking Royals?

Just like the Sox losing to the Royals, some things should simply not be.

So it’s back to drinking heavily every time Matsuzaka starts. Or maybe just every other time. After sweeping the team the best record in baseball, the Red Sox come home and ride an absolute lack of timely hitting (other than Tek) and eight freaking walks by Dice-K “I’m great every second time out” Matsuzaka to a loss to the Royals, who don’t even win games with Zack Greinke on the mound. Matsuzaka was back to his wiggling ways, nibbling at the corners and refusing to throw any fastballs over the plate and challenge hitters. I’m done with him until he shows that he can be a real actual major league starter every time out, not every second or third. I’m kinda glad that I ruined his no-hitter.


I really don’t have anything good to say about this game, and the fact that I was driving to Jersey during it just made it worse. At least if I was at home I could have been witness to the magic of Kevin Millar returning to Boston to do shots on TV with Tom Caron and Jim Rice, before the three hours of frustration that followed. I can only imagine what will happen tonight if Victor can’t get himself back behind the plate because his toe hurts. The over/under on passed balls and wild pitches will be eleven for the Wakefield/Varitek battery.

I’m going to need a bigger bottle for this one. Thank god for open bar.

Go Sox.


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Adrian Beltre Explains The Taste That Matt Garza Can’t Get Out Of His Mouth.

Garza Has a Bad Taste In His Mouth.

A guy walks into a bar in Tampa. He walks up to the bar and orders six shots of Tequila. As soon as they are poured, he starts slamming them down so the bartender says to him, “What’s the occasion?”

The guy looks up between shots and says, “My first blow job.” He doesn’t look happy.

“Congratulations, let me buy you another one,” The bartender replies, smiling.

“No thanks, if six shots doesn’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”

“Hey, aren’t you Matt Garza?”

And that is where the nasty taste in his mouth came from.

Adrian Beltre was 4-5 with Two home runs, one of which was a three run shot that he hit from his knees, and four RBI (not to mention his two run triple in the ninth) and the Sox finally got the Garza monkey of their backs. In his career Garza was 6-2, 2.92 before last night, including Game 7 of the 2008 ALCS and repeated ass whoopings the last two seasons, over which he has has a 2.3 ERA against the Sox. I really hate this guy and seeing the Sox jump all over him like a lonely frat guy on an oiled up watermelon was definitely one of those unique pleasures that only comes from sports. Beltre showing him Garza how his dick tastes was just awesome and Ortiz’ two run homer (ninth of the month) was just a great way to cap it off as the Sox put up six on Garza and had him out of the game after the fifth.

Lackey didn’t have his best stuff once again, but he did enough, getting through 6-1/3 laborious innings while giving up only two runs. He was walking the tight rope all night where the Rays could have put up some big innings with a timely hit or two, but going 1-13 with men in scoring position won’t help you score runs. The Rays are human and are not going to win 118 games.

Now that the Sox have avenged the ass kicking they took at home back in April by walking into the house of the best team in abseball (records wise) slapping them in the face with their dick and then walking out with all of their beer, money and girls, is anyone else excited for the next four series against the Royals, A’s, O’s and Indians?

Thought so.

Go Sox.



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Boston Celtics Need More Disaprin

Get Fired up KG. We Need It.

Big Baby got wobbly after a sharp elbow to the grill. Howard has been very good at sneaking in some very hard contact. Celtics face MUST WIN game 6 in Boston.


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Lackey’s Turn To Strap On Some Awesome.

Let's hope the good is catching.

So, somebody forgot to tell the Red Sox that April counted this year. Since their 4-9, heart attack and ulcer inducing start, the Sox are 22-12 and have started to make Theo Epstein Look really really good. They are hitting (which was everyone’s fear) at a greater clip than last year, ranking second in home runs and, most importantly to Theo, fourth in OPS and OBP. David Ortiz, after his horrible April (he really didn’t know that it counted), is hitting .359 in May and has 8 homers in the month. I know I keep harping on this fact, but I am super happy about it and since the start of Spring Training, the status of David Ortiz and his (sometimes) mighty bat has been one of the turning points of the season. If he is going good, then the team is hot; if he’s on a down swing, there is nobody to truly fear in the middle of the lineup (he’s hitting third tonight for the first time in about a year). Then again, with Youk treating the baseball like it’s the guy who hurt his little sister lately, there is definitely reason to fear the Beard That Should Not Be.

You will fear this man.

The bats are nice, but what it will really come down to for this year’s Sox is the pitching. Most specifically, the starters. The past two weeks, a string of games against teams at or close to the top of their respective decisions, has finally seen this group deliver on the promise of their collective histories. The starters have gone 6-1 and the team is 7-2 against Minnesota, New York, Philly and Trampa. Lester and Buchholz are making like Koufax and Drysdale, shutting down everyone they meet with impunity (even showing us the definition of effectively wild last night).┬áThe one (healthy) guy who hasn’t held up his end of the bargain is the new guy, the $82.5 million dollar John Lackey. After seeing sixteen innings of shutout ball from Matsuzaka and Wake, the fifth and six guys in the rotation), it’s time for Lackey to pretend someone on the Rays insulted Texas and show that he’s not the guy that should step out of the rotation when Beckett decided that he’s angry and ready to pitch again.

This ain’t southern f#$%ing California and we need to see the angry bulldog we thought we were getting when Lackey came to town. Get your ass in gear.

Oh, remember who has two thumbs and loved Beltre from the beginning. This guy. (I say as I give myself two big thumbs up).

Go Sox.


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Blprk Txts: Celtics Are Dangerously Close to Bruining My Summer.

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They Should Make T-Shirts That Say “I Survived Bizzarro Weekend.”

First Daisuke freaking Matsuzaka comes within 5 outs of a No-Hitter against the “NL team with an AL lineup,” then Timmmmmmmay Wakefield, recently restored from the bullpen, dazzles that same lineup for eight innings, and then Lost ends. This was one clusterfuck of a weekend.

First of all, as much as SMC and the others I was with want to blame it on me, I have confirmed that more than one person who was watching the Red Sox game on Saturday night uttered the words “No-Hitter” before Juan Castro’s hit dropped with two outs in the eighth. So it wasn’t just me and that makes me feel slightly better. Otherwise the most important thing to take from the game is that we really have no effing clue how good or bad Daisuke Matsuzaka can be this season or beyond. He has been a shutdown ace twice this season and otherwise been a tremendous failure. The way that the defense, other than Scutaro, came together behind the Wiggler was also encouraging.

Hustler. In all senses of the word.

Of course, the Celtics game was also entertaining, as they went up 3-0 in an absolute destruction of everything that the Magic hold dear. I am both excited that Stan Van Gundy is going to be able to go back to his thriving Porn career, crying, and terrified that the Celtics are going to joint the Bruins as teams that have pulled a Yankee (and if you think I’m not happy to be able to use the term “pulling a Yankee” as something negative, you have not been reading very carefully). It was incredible and Rondo’s play on the floor has to go down as one of the ultimate hustle plays in postseason history. The Lakers should legit fear KG because they are holding his trophy.

Making them regret it.

The best part of the weekend, other than the Lost finale, which I loved and understood completely (this is where I imply that those who didn’t get it or are angry about it are either not smart or were just looking for things to complain about), was Tim Wakefield basically throwing a big middle finger at Theo, Tito and company for his move to the bullpen while his teammates made Roy Halladay (still can win 30 games in the NL) look like Charlie Zink. That makes four out of five games with the Sox starter going eight, which is what we expected to see all the time when the season started.

The Sox are three games above .500 for the first time all season, their hitters are hot (I think Youk might never get out again) and most of the pitching staff looks unhittable. Not a bat time to go visit the 32-12 (on pace to win 118 games) Trampa Bay Rays, who could stand to be taken down a notch. 7:10.

Go Sox.


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