Back in February, when Beloved old friend Kevin Millar was released by the Cubs (if they had kept him they would have won the World Series finally), we invited him to come back and join NESN for our entertainment:
Unfortunately for fans of hard drinking backup first basemen/outfielders, Kevin Millar was cut by the Cubs yesterdat in his attempt to continue his career into a thirteenth season. Though it is sad for Millar, and all of the Chicago college girls who he was going to “pleasure,” It brings up a new opportunity for those of us who love an miss Millar in Boston (just not in the lineup).
For one he could do as I’ve always hoped and join NESN as a sideline reporter and analyst. He is the natural successor to Remy and would be hilarious on the set with Jim Rice’s suits and Dennis Eckersley’s hair constantly reminding him that they are in the hall of fame and he’s not. They could also send him out on the road to do live check ins with fans in the bars as he gets drunk and see how many innings it takes until he gets incoherent, throws up on air or pulls a Joe Namath with some random college chick he’s interviewing. Eventually, when Remy decides to leave the booth, he and his bottle of Jack Daniel’s would be the guy to step in along with Donny O.
The best option is to redefine reality TV by giving Millar his own show. It wold basically be a reality version of Cheers, but the bar would be in the Sox clubhouse, and the part of Diane would be played by DeMarlo Hale. Every night, when the game ends, the guys would come back to their lockers to find Millar set up behind he bar, serving drinks and spitting old timey bartender wisdom. The players would be able to come to Millar to talk about their issues, work through a rough day on the field, or just to see what Northeastern girl he was trying to give his special brand of love to that night.
And now he’s back. Officially. And it’s giving me a stiffy.
Jon Lester is the man. He of the one time 8.44 ERA in April (when he was 0-2) is now 3-0 in the month of May with 2.32 ERA. Last night he pitched a complete game, giving up one earned run and striking out 9, saving the bullpen for a trip to pitcher’s hell this weekend in Philly (the ballpark is as much a launching pad as the New Yank is). Lester is nasty, and homers from Youk (pitching, defense and the three run home run) and Beltre didn’t hurt either, especially coming against a guy who hadn’t given up a single one all year. Basically, for the rest of the year he will be treating the American League the same way he did cancer. Eliminating with extreme prejudice.
I want to extend a personal thanks to Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz. Over the past two nights they have shown me, and the rest of the Nation, what this season was supposed to look like. 17 innings pitched, 11 hits, 3 earned runs, 1 walk, and 2 wins in 2 games for the young stars of this supposedly dominant pitching rotation. With Josh Beckett going to the DL, John Lackey not performing the way he did to start the year, and Daisuke Matsuzaka being, well, Daisuke Matsuzaka, the Sox needed a pick me up during what is the toughest stretch of the schedule for them, and what has already been a brutal season.
This is where it gets dicey. The Sox have yet to get themselves more than 2 games over .500 at any time this season, and to make the playoffs, the logical assumption is that they must get to about 30 games over. They are at 2 games over right now, but play their next six games against the teams with the best records in both the NL and AL. If the Sox can manage to break even over the next six games, three of which will have to be played without either David Ortiz (hotter than Cindy Crawford in that Pepsi commercial from the 90s) or Adrian Beltre (still hitting an under-the-radar .316) due to the NL park, it will be a very good sign.
I effing hate interleague play.