US Advances in World Cup on Landon Donovan’s Goal in 91st Minute: You Can All Thank MVPork

Right now, this is so not gay.

After the most exciting soccer game I’ve ever watched and cared about, I got this letter and had to share it with you all. Ladies and Gentlemen, MVPork.

Bathroom Break

First off, I just want to thank all of my fans, family, friends and most of all the Good Lord J.C.  I will try to respond to all requests for autographs, but I ask that my public remain patient, as the onslaught is likely to be huge.  And if you’re wondering at all what has prompted this frenzy of interest in a heretofore little known football fan in the outskirts of Boston, it is this: I assisted on Landon Donovan’s goal in injury time today, the difference-maker between yet another first round ouster and winning Group C at the World Cup.

How, you may ask, is this possible?  Interestingly, I did not even start watching the game until the 86th minute.  I was meeting SMC and some business contacts for lunch in Cambridge, arrived a little early and wandered into the bar area where the game was prominently displayed.  No major action in the few minutes we were watching, except for a great, deep run by Edson Buddle followed by a pass that my club-footed cousin could have executed better, seemingly blowing the US’s last legitimate chance.  The business folks who were meeting us for lunch had not yet arrived, and I did not feel like dealing with having to void in the middle of a meeting, so I told SMC that I was heading for the pissa.

He noted that there were only a couple of minutes left in the game – wasn’t I afraid I might miss something?  I responded coolly that I was the only hope for the US side – only if I wasn’t watching did they have any chance to score.  Sure enough, within seconds of shaking off, I heard the roar from the bar – Donovan had blasted the US into the second round.

As for what the future holds, I am currently in negotiations to not watch the Red Sox for the rest of the season, and Tiger’s people have contacted me about staying away from golf for a while.  However, as long as the US has a chance to bring home that silly statue that looks like something my nephew made in the garage with duct tape, a tennis ball and gold spray paint, I choose country.  Viva USA!  Viva Landonovan!


As great as the win was, it comes with the pall of a Red Sox loss last night, when I learned that going to concerts (last night I was at Phish) is not good for the Sox, and tonight they’ve got to deal with Ubaldo Jimenez, who is really, really, really good.

Go Amurrrrrica, Go Sox.


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Filed under Baseball, Things other than baseball, World Cup, World Cup Bandwagon

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