I know, coming from a belligerent, angry, asshole Red Sox fan, that sounds like the biggest bunch of hypocrisy since Keith Richards told kids not to do drugs. Since the Greatest Postseason Comeback (Yankees Choke) in the history of sports, we have been rubbing every success in the faces of our rivals to the south. People all over the country got sick of us and our prolonged celebration of how great Boston and all of our teams are. So me asking the Phillies to win to keep the Yankees fans from being able to talk, may strike many as overkill, but really, it will be better for all of us.
Let me first tell you where from where I am coming (sounds weird, doesn’t it, but that is the proper English). I have been a Sox fan since a glove and hat were put in my crib when I was born just a Dwight Evans throw from the ballpark. The first scarring moment came when my parents woke me up, as so many did, to see the Sox win it all in ’86. That did not work out well. For the next eighteen years, through good and bad Sox teams, I had to deal with my Yankees fan cousins, one of whom has never lost an argument, at least in his eyes, telling me how much I should be ashamed of my allegiance to the Red Sox.
And then there was 2003. It didn’t matter to them that the Yanks lost the Series, or that the Sox had just as good a team as they had. They were merciless, brutalizing my already fragile ego and coming as close as anyone ever has to making me believe that the Sox weren’t ever going to win a title.
As I come to you today, I am humbling myself. Tony Massaroti, normally a level headed writer, wrote this afternoon on Boston.com about how Sox fans should root for the Yankees to win in order to bring some heat back to the rivalry and convince Theo and the Trio to spend the cash that they need to to bring the club back to the top. I say that we are already there. I’m angry that a few million bucks and the fact that Leigh Teixeira firmly holds her husbands balls in her purse kept the Sox from getting over the top, and now that same asshole is on the cusp of a title. I’m angry that a blue lipped, bitch tit sprouting, Madonna banging (then again who hasn’t) classless fuck got further into October than the Sox. They don’t need to win a title to make me, or most Sox fans, angry. That is already happening.
What does need to happen is that the Phillies need to put them in their place. Although I have no particular love for the Phils, they all seem like class guys, and none of them have ever done anything that pissed me off enough to hope they get a particularly virulent strain of herpes. They need to do it for me, for you and for every other Sox fan who has to put up with Yankees fans at work, in their family, or within 500 miles of them. They need to keep us from a winter of 13 year old kids who root for the Yankees just to piss off people telling them about how their team is so awesome and have won 27 titles (only one of which they remember).
Phillies, please do what Curt Schilling, himself a former Phillie, said he would do when he got to Boston, and make 55,000 Yankees fans shut the fuck up. The rest of them will do the same.