Tag Archives: A-Rod Steroids

Please, Phillies, Please Beat the Yankees, If Only to Make Their Fans Shut Up.

Shouldn't that be a picture of A-Rod?I know, coming from a belligerent, angry, asshole Red Sox fan, that sounds like the biggest bunch of hypocrisy since Keith Richards told kids not to do drugs. Since the Greatest Postseason Comeback (Yankees Choke) in the history of sports, we have been rubbing every success in the faces of our rivals to the south. People all over the country got sick of us and our prolonged celebration of how great Boston and all of our teams are. So me asking the Phillies to win to keep the Yankees fans from being able to talk, may strike many as overkill, but really, it will be better for all of us.

Buckner. Nuff 'Ced.Let me first tell you where from where I am coming (sounds weird, doesn’t it, but that is the proper English). I have been a Sox fan since a glove and hat were put in my crib when I was born just a Dwight Evans throw from the ballpark. The first scarring moment came when my parents woke me up, as so many did, to see the Sox win it all in ’86. That did not work out well. For the next eighteen years, through good and bad Sox teams, I had to deal with my Yankees fan cousins, one of whom has never lost an argument, at least in his eyes, telling me how much I should be ashamed of my allegiance to the Red Sox.

And then there was 2003. It didn’t matter to them that the Yanks lost the Series, or that the Sox had just as good a team as they had. They were merciless, brutalizing my already fragile ego and coming as close as anyone ever has to making me believe that the Sox weren’t ever going to win a title. I'm Really Not Happy.

As I come to you today, I am humbling myself. Tony Massaroti, normally a level headed writer, wrote this afternoon on Boston.com about how Sox fans should root for the Yankees to win in order to bring some heat back to the rivalry and convince Theo and the Trio to spend the cash that they need to to bring the club back to the top. I say that we are already there. I’m angry that a few million bucks and the fact that Leigh Teixeira firmly holds her husbands balls in her purse kept the Sox from getting over the top, and now that same asshole is on the cusp of a title. I’m angry that a blue lipped, bitch tit sprouting, Madonna banging (then again who hasn’t) classless fuck got further into October than the Sox. They don’t need to win a title to make me, or most Sox fans, angry. That is already happening.

Yankees Fans are Assholes.What does need to happen is that the Phillies need to put them in their place. Although I have no particular love for the Phils, they all seem like class guys, and none of them have ever done anything that pissed me off enough to hope they get a particularly virulent strain of herpes. They need to do it for me, for you and for every other Sox fan who has to put up with Yankees fans at work, in their family, or within 500 miles of them. They need to keep us from a winter of 13 year old kids who root for the Yankees just to piss off people telling them about how their team is so awesome and have won 27 titles (only one of which they remember).

Phillies, please do what Curt Schilling, himself a former Phillie, said he would do when he got to Boston, and make 55,000 Yankees fans shut the fuck up. The rest of them will do the same.

Go Sox.

109 Days.


Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

It’s Always Nice to End a Road Trip with a Firm Bitch Slap.

Fist Bumps for the SoxRemember in May, when the Blue Jays actually thought that the whole “Halladay and four rookies” rotation thing was going to work? Neither do I, because now the Blue Jays have devolved into the AL East’s version of the Sea Shepherds (impotent idealists who suck at what they attempt to do, especially after the last episode) and the Sox just left them bruised and beaten in their own house. Last night was just the icing on the cake.

Remember to breathe J.D., show us that you are not an evil Android sent to prepare us for the invasion.

Remember to breathe J.D., show us that you are not an evil Android sent to prepare us for the invasion.

First, it was vintage Lester from the fourth batter on, when he got Rod Barajas to ground into a DP , trading a run for two outs, and then setting down fourteen of the next fifteen in order. He went eight, saving the bullpen for the apokalypse that is about to descend on Fenway this weekend, and dominating in a way that has every other team in the AL hoping that the Sox don’t make the playoffs. In a short series the combination of Beckett (A.K.A. The Greatest October Pitcher in the Universe), Lester (A.K.A. He Who Shall Not Be Doubted) and either a newly confident Buchholz (A.K.A. The Guy You’d Give Your Left Nut To Be For One Night) or Wakefield/Daisuke/Junichi is the kind of thing that causes the Steinbrenners to keep a guillotine in their office for Girardi and Cahsman.

So Good.

So Good.

Second, the bats keep pounding and even J.D. “The Emotionless One” Drew got into the act, hitting two bombs and going 4-4 in a late season attempt to earn his $14 Million and prove that he has a pulse (I’m fine with him only starting to hit now as long as last night was the start of hotness and not just a spark that doesn’t catch). Victor continued to prove that he is worth keeping around, hitting another one out and guaranteeing that unless Beckett makes a specific request, Tek’s “Stiff Neck” will to bother him throughout the weekend. And if you don’t think Alex Gonzalez is happy to be back in Boston, look at the fact that he is hitting fifty points better here than he did in Cinci (and he’s the best defensive shortstop the Sox have had in my lifetime).

It seems to be all coming together just in time for the end of the world this weekend (and the return of Jerry Remy to the NESN booth), and a hot end to August would do plenty to reassure the faithful that we’ll get a chance to throw out that truly terrifying rotation in October (terrifying to other people, not to me, like the thought of Brad Penny starting tonight).

Just for fun:

Go Sox.


Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

A-Rod has Bitch Tits Like Meatloaf in Fight Club.


See the Bitch Tits?

Great news Everyone! Selena Roberts has given us more reason to hate Douche-Rod. Excerpts from Robert’s new book were published by the New York Daily News this morning. Included are details about the Douche’s steroid use, which reportedly started in High School and continues today, and his relationships with his wife, Madonna, and various other floozies (that is the actual word used in the Daily News). I can’t think of a better way to wake up (other than in a Brad Penny’s Ex-Girlfriend Sandwich).

Here are some highlights:

Sports Illustrated writer Selena Roberts, who broke the story that A-Rod flunked a steroid screening in 2003, reveals fellow Bombers nicknamed the third baseman “B—h T–s” in 2005. (If you don’t think that the fans at Fenway are going to be chanting “Bitch Tits” when he returns to Boston June 9th then you are dumber than, well, A-Rod)

That was after he put on 15 pounds in the off-season and seemed to develop round pectorals, a condition called gynecomastia that can be caused by anabolic steroids, she writes.

In one shocking disclosure, the book accuses A-Rod of “pitch tipping” when he was with the Rangers – letting a friendly opponent at the plate know which pitch was coming in lopsided games. (Douchebag)

Rodriguez expected players he helped would do the same for him when he was having an off night and needed to get his batting average up and it wouldn’t affect the outcome of the game.

He was even hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15%, the book says

I’m not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but it must be a challenge to be hated at Hooters when you have $300 million. In fact, what is a man who can afford whatever he wants doing eating at Hooters? Couldn’t he get some hotty he is nailing (or a hooker) to go get him buffalo wings from Hooters and then serve them to him naked? Wouldn’t that be more fun? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Van Every CatchOf course, the Sox won last night thanks to some good relief work (again) and Jonathan Van Every’s first Major League home run. If you have been going to bed early with the Sox losing lately, you need to try staying up one of these days. In the last five games they have scored 16 runs in the seventh inning or later.  They have won four of those (and the eight before that) by scoring late as often as they scored early. Van Every’s shot last night was vaguely reminiscent of Brandon Moss’ shot in the opener in Japan last year. Good Times.

Go Sox.



Filed under Baseball

Dollar Beers are Not Conducive to Writing About the NCAA Tournament

Yesterday, at approximately 12:32 PM, The Player To Be Named Later (TPTBNL), CutFromLittleLeague and myself walked into one of our favorite local establishments for the second day of the NCAA tournament. This establishment, which shall remain nameless,  has an ingenious way of beating Massachusetts’ law against drink specials: Bud, Bid Light, Bud Select, Amber Bock and Molson are always a Dollar ($1.00). Now while this made it a great place to enjoy the games, a sandwich or two and some wings, it definitely made it harder to do the Live Blog (which TPTBNL pointed out is ridiculous because he is always alive when he blogs) type event that we wanted to. So, as a warning to all of you, dollar beers, cheap wings and writing do not go together.


Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Benny Bagels 26 26 182 55 Pittsburgh (127)
1 AngryBlackAle 26 26 182 55 North Carolina (160)
3 Some Chick 25 25 183 55 Pittsburgh (190)
4 Coach K 24 24 180 53 Pittsburgh (162)
5 Done 23 23 175 50 Connecticut (201)
5 Our Lawyer 23 23 181 53 Connecticut (165)
5 Wogga Bear 23 23 179 52 Pittsburgh (104)
8 Chuck Miller 22 22 176 50 Oklahoma (144)
8 Big Broski 22 22 174 50 Louisville (158)
8 TPTBNL 22 22 176 50 North Carolina (151)
8 MN Preacher 22 22 176 50 Louisville (136)
12 Jimmy Junk 21 21 157 45 Pittsburgh (142)
13 Barry Obama 19 19 175 48 North Carolina (155)
13 CutFromLittleLeague 19 19 141 38 North Carolina

Does anyone find it interesting that the Leader of the Free World (yes, it’s that Obama. He’s an avid Ballpark reader) is tied for 13th in a 14 man pool? Or that the man he’s tied with really did get cut from Little League back before parents stopped letting their kids lose?
On the Red Sox front: Pedroia is back, Varitek hit a three run shot yesterday, maybe I was wrong about Buchholz, and Youk is going to be in a protective walking boot for at least a few more days, hopefully playing Monday. Oh, and Drew’s hurt again…. Surprise, Surprise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with yourself?And for all of those who believe that the Patriots were set up to win the Superbowl after 9/11, Michael Jordan was suspended by David Stern for gambling when he went to play baseball for the Birmingham Barons, and that the 1985 NBA Draft Lottery was a set up, here’s a new one: Douche-Rod tested positive for steroids this offseason, not just in 2003, and is sitting out until May (Yankees play game number 51, which is when he’d be eligible to return, on May 30th) to serve his suspension. I guess the Details Magazine photo spread was just another part of his punishment.
Go Sox.

1 Comment

Filed under Baseball, Things other than baseball

Blue Lips, Bad Hips: Douche Roid Out 10 Weeks.

As reported by ESPNDeportes (the best source for news on Alex Rodriguez), the blue lipped steroid user known as A-Rod will now be sidelined for at least 10 weeks with hip surgery. This is according to his brother, not our boy Yuri, who has a way he can make it heal. He’ll just get it over the counter in the Dominican. Now, I watch a lot of “My Name Is Earl” and I can tell you that karma can be a bitch. Giambi dhad vision problems, Bonds is going to jail, Clemens has herpes, and now the Biggest Douche in the Universe (this year’s winner, John Edward won a few years ago) is going down until mid-May at the earliest. The best part of ESPN.com’s report on this was this simple line: “The Yankees are 20-23 in the 43 games Rodriguez has missed since he joined the team in 2004.” Ten weeks is a minimum that he will be out for. This is going to make the new stadium opening much more fun. 

This post on GetOutofMyBallpark.com brought to you by:

HMMMMMM......... I see a lot of Yankees caps.

Go Sox.



Filed under Baseball

Alex Rodriguez’ Pants Are Flaming (and his lips are blue).

No, those aren’t just jokes about Douche-Rod’s gay wardrobe, because it looks like Al Franken has a new chapter for his book.  ESPN.com is reporting this morning (more likely last night but good beer makes you miss things) that Primobolan, or Bole, or Boli, (or The Other Stuff that Yuri Sucart Injected into A-Rod’s ass) was never available over the counter in the Dominican. 


Dr. Pia Veras, who oversees the regulatory agency, told ESPNdeportes.com that Primobolan is known as “boli” in the streets of Dominican Republic, and was not legal for purchase during the aforementioned years.

“What Alex Rodriguez stated at the press conference [in Tampa] doesn’t make sense,” Veras said. “It is important for us to clarify that such substance has not been registered and is not currently registered for legal sale in Dominican pharmacies — not now and the same applies for the years 2001 to 2003.”

The article goes on to say that Boli is available in the underground markets of the Dominican Republic or over the internet. Apparently it was the kind of thing that you had to go looking for, and therefore had to know exactly what it was (it’s also really expensive). When you combine this lie with the fact that he believes 27 is still too young to know right from wrong and his fake emotion when it came time to address his teammates, everything he said comes into question. I wonder if Yuri Sucart can add any insight……. Hmmmmmm?

If you just heard a flushing sound that was Douche-Rod’s legacy, credibility and fan base going down the toilet. 


Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball

You Can’t Bullshit a Bullshiter.

Alex Rodriguez struggled to find the right words at points in todays press conference.

Alex Rodriguez struggled to find the right words at points in today's press conference.

I looked at my phone yesterday at 2:07pm. I had just finished a lunchtime workout and was going over some calculations in my head in preparation for a god awful 3 hours of micro economics this evening. I was thinking about efficiency regarding utils of labor resources put into making a product verses the actual production, which seems to be unsolvable when it comes to steroid’s actual effect on baseball… but I digest.

I had three texts, from my dad, cousin and roommate, about what a douchebag A-Rod is so I realized the press conference was on and rolling. I flipped on the TV, ESPN of course although several other news stations were covering the story as well, and I saw 100’s of people out for more public crucifixion of Alex Rodriguez. Though A-Rod has pretty much gone about this the right way from a PR standpoint (after a lifetime of bonehead PR moves), there is a whole lot of pent up anger for a guy who, will albeit become the next HR King*, hasn’t done much (or anything) by way of championships and clutch play. He’s not a scary opposition, talented as he may be.

Pete Rose... doesnt seem so bad anymore... but this picture should keep him banned from baseball.

Pete Rose... doesn't seem so bad anymore... but this picture should keep him banned from baseball.

I think the baseball fan’s intuition towards sniffing out a liar or a phony is stronger than one may think, and the sense has been heightened and bittered by Pete Rose and the last 3 years of baseball “cleaning itself up.” And let me tell you, from this Baseball Fan to another, A-Rod is still full of shit.

At times, I found Mr. Rod’s remarks to be thoughtful and unscripted. He held off tears at times and fumbled a few catch phrases… He blames only himself and is the only major athlete of his stature to ever address performance enhancing drugs (and taking them) as an active player. But in general, it is clear that he knows more than he’s telling us and his contradictions speak volumes.

1st of all, the Gene Orza timeline and actions contradict one another from the Gammons interview to yesterday’s press conference. To Gams, Rodriguez had no contact or conversation regarding the testing and being tipped off. Yesterday we were told differently and that makes me think he’s not telling the whole truth about Orza’s involvement. Minute as this detail may be, it is a lie.

Secondly, to Gams, A-Rod skirted the issue of procurement ENTIRELY, and he got off the hook for it. (Gammons should have gone after him more on this issue but it wasn’t that kind of interview and Gammons is too respectful to be that kind of interviewer… which is how ESPN scored the first exclusive response and A-Rod’s camp agreed to it). Just in the nick of time, A-Rod now has a response to this: He got it from his “stupid… and ignorant” cousin in the Dominican where Alex would go to train and play off-season ball. This was a very popular move at the time, explained Buster Olney on ESPN after the conference; the players that went to the DR to train, of which there were many, were known to have a clear edge over other players because you could get many banned and illegal substances over the counter. I’d love to know the incentives Cousin Rod is getting out of this. He’s probably moved into the same gated community as Ty Law’s Cousin, right next to the “friend” Michael Irvin found his crack pipe with.

Bud Selig is set for his upcoming debut on Tool Academy.

Bud Selig is set for his upcoming debut on Tool Academy.

This was not an uncommon way to get steroids. And A-Rod reinforced to Gammons about 4 times that the culture was very “Lossy-Goosey.” Yet yesterday he was ADAMANT that he NEVER saw or heard of any other ball player …on a team entrenched in steroid abuse and culture, the Texas Rangers… using steroids. Players during Alex’s tenure alone include Rafael Palmeiro, John Rocker, Juan Gonzalez and Pudge Rodriguez. (Gabe Kapler was there too… but no matter what he did, he’s cool.)

I am familiar with lies. We have all told them, big and small, and if there is anything that we can all agree on about a lie is that it is about a million times harder to explain than the truth. Each lie that A-Rod tells (even though he IS giving us a lot of truths by lacing them into the lies) must be supported by a network of more obscure lies.

The True Home Run King

The True HR King

Alex Rodriguez is full of shit and the people hate him for it. He’s getting backlogged anger for not ever producing in the clutch, never winning a ring and making bazillions of dollars. He is a douchebag. Yet, he held us hostage as fans because everyone thought that Bonds was a bigger douchebag and A-Rod was supposed to be the guy that cleaned up the records. And here we are again… back to Conseco being right… again, and Selig being an absolute wuss about the whole mess. Unfortunately, the only person that seems to be aggressively pursuing the truth is Jose Effing Canseco!

We can argue about this later… but while Canseco may not deserve to be IN the Hall of Fame… one could make the argument that no person has changed the game more.

The Home Run King is Hank Aaron and I want Griffey to be clean in the worst way.



Filed under Baseball