This video is serious, by the way… not like, from me… but someone actually made it… in real life…
…With only a few days left until the Winter Meetings (my favorite non-baseball season week of the year), nobody really has any idea what is going on with the Red Sox. Last year we all knew that they were going to go hard after the guy whose balls are in Leigh Teixeira’s handbag (obviously not hard enough) and that the Yanks were going to sign a fat guy. In the weeks since the end of the season, there have been rumors of everything from the Sox getting Roy Halladay for Buchholz and Casey Kelly (who is both a shortstop and starting pitcher), to them signing Matt Holiday instead of Jason Bay so that they could net an extra draft pick, to Theo giving up his first born, Mike Lowell and the souls of half the front office to get Hanley Ramirez back and end the curse of Nomar.
The most recent word with any certainty is that Marco Scutaro, a career utility player who managed to put in a career year last season in Toronto, wants to come to Boston and the team has sent Allard Baird to see him work out and requested his medical records. Of course, this wouldn’t have been necessary if the team (meaning Theo, who really has to prove his shit this offseason) hadn’t crapped the bed when they had a chance to resign Alex Gonzalez, who has been the closest thing to an actual shortstop that the Sox have had since Cabrera and his “off-field issues” departed after 2004. The most recent report is that Scutaro is about to sign a two year deal, with an option for a third, which should be just enough time to let Jose Iglesias (by all reports he does not have a large facial mole), the Sox wiz kid shortstop of the future, to season in the minors. With the option of Gonzalez off the table, this is the best move possible.
Contrary to popular opinion, this move does not take away the possibility of the return of Hanley. Scutaro is a much better defensive shortstop (and by much better I mean that Hanley sucks) and Ramirez could be an answer in the outfield if Bay doesn’t return.
Please come home.
The other thing we know is that the team is putting on the full court press to re sign Jason Bay, and that Matt Holliday is not really on the radar. Bay is the best fit, having proven that he can thrive in the atmosphere of Boston and the American League, which Holliday has yet to do. Holliday’s only AL experience to this point, in fact, was a disastrous experience with the A’s at the start of last season, where he hit .286 with 11 HR and 54 RBI in 93 games. When he returned to St. Louis, had Albert Pujols protecting him, and was in the more comfortable National League again, Holliday hit .353, with 13 HR and 55 RBI in Only 63 games. There will be competition for Bay’s services, though, seeing as he is the most complete, proven player on the market. He recently turned down the Sox 4 year, $60 Million offer, and is getting interest from the Yanks (who declined arbitration on John Damon and are in the market for a left fielder), Seattle (Bay’s adopted home town) and likely the Angels among others. I say Theo should give him the “FU J.D.” deal of five years and $80 million, just to show Drew that he doesn’t deserve to be the highest paid player on a perennial contender.
Mrs. About To Be Traded For A Power Hitter
Free agents aside, and there aren’t many other big name ones to speak of, the Sox look to be movers and shakers in the trading market. From using all of the blackmail materials that Theo has on Hoyer from their years together to get Adrian Gonzalez, to trying to pry Hanley Ramirez back from the Marlins to undo the trade that Theo would never have made had he not run away in a gorilla suit in the fall of 2006. These are all just ideas, and apparently the GMs get together at the meetings and just throw packages at each other (just like you and your buddies do in bars or in front of the TV at home). The Sox do have what seems to be the strongest trading chip of the offseason in Clay Buchholz, a young, cheap pitcher who is improving fast and the team still has control over for five seasons.
Hello, my name is Miguel and my wife kicked my ass.
The one idea I still don’t like is giving up Buchholz for Roy Halladay. Halladay is one of the best pitchers in the Majors and has been for a while, but he is 34, and will either be a one year loaner or a guy you have to give $20 million per to keep. This is the same argument I made when the Sox were thinking of trading Lester, Coco and Lowrie to the Twins for Johan Santana. Then as now, I said the only reason to make the deal is to keep him away from the Yanks. A much better path to follow is using that chip (Clay) to acquire a young power hitter in the way of a Gonzalez or Miguel Cabrera (that is only possible thanks to the auto industry collapsing all over Detroit). Gonzalez is preferable since he doesn’t already have the big dollar deal, but aside from the drinking and getting his ass kicked by his wife, Cabrera is supposedly a great clubhouse guy who would be a prefect replacement for Ortiz at DH after his contract expires next fall. Cabrera isn’t as good defensively as Gonzalez, and would likely be more of a DH than a first baseman, but if Lars Anderson ever pans out in the minors we’ve got that covered.
Then again, I have no f#$%ing clue what is going to happen.