Tag Archives: Andy Pettite

Where Have You Gone Pedro Martinez? A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You.

Just a couple a guys horsin' around.

I never thought I’d be so excited for another Pedro Martinez start. I remember when he cam to Boston in the winter of 1998. All of a sudden there were people from the Dominican Republic everywhere. Italian guys with George Hamilton tans were all of a sudden waiving Dominican flags and pretending to be just like Pedro. He made it cool to be a Sox fan again, gave us hope that even in the midst of the least hateable Yankees run possible (you couldn’t hate Torre, because he’s just a stand up guy, and Jeter was still a superstar who played the game right, worked hard and deserved everything that he got, unlike now. Yes, that is the least hateable Yankees team, except for when they suck), our long national nightmare, also known as 86 years o’ pain, was coming to an end.

Just a couple a guys horsin' around.

Pedro was appointment viewing in the days before TiVo made that obsolete. Every time he took the ball he could do something amazing. Would he pitch ten perfect innings and then lose because his team couldn’t score (that once happened to him), or would he give up three homers in five innings and go down in flames (also happened)? No matter whether he pitched well or poorly, Pedro was the freaking man. All you need to do is make a list of the things he did in his first few seasons here to remember how great he was: 17 K one hit in Yankee Stadium, Game 5 1999 ALDS, carrying around a celebrity (apparently he was huge in the DR) midget for the second half of the 2004 season, using more Soul Glo than Eriq LaSalle in Coming to America. Just to name a few.

Oh ya, he's a gamer, too.

And tonight, as he takes the mound against Andy Pettite in a match up which would have had every Fox executive walking around with a huge erection ten years ago, we fans of the Boston Red Sox turn to Pedro again.

This time we turn to him not to help us erase nearly a century worth of misery and pain, but to save us from a winter full of the same. The Yankees fans, never believers in not counting their chickens before they have hatched, are already coming out of the woodwork. A whole new generation of douchebag pink hat Yankees fans are all of a sudden telling us how they have suffered through the past nine years, and how the Yankees did it the right way. They keep walking into my office and saying, “How about those Yankees?”

GOOOOOOOOO 'DRO!

We need Pedro to keep us from a winter of these people having their delusions fed into by the media. Sure, Joe Buck is already planning the train the Yanks are going to run on him after the Series, and it was hard to understand McCarver (moreso than usual) as he tried to call the game with A-Rod’s steroid reduced balls in his mouth, but the rest of the media has so far been uncontaminated. And we all know that the worst is yet to come, with Rodriguez’ first ring will come the inevitable book (he may be illiterate, but if Johnny Damon can write a book so can he) and ESPN’s retrospective on A-Rod as the greatest player ever. Teixeira would grace the cover of a Wheaties box telling kids to eat healthy and work hard so that someday their wife can carry their balls in her purse. A.J. Burnett and C.C. Sabathia will open up their on line of soaps (made Fightclub style from fat liposuctioned out of Sabathia’s ass) and shaving creams (perfect for pieing the faces of guys who are less overpaid than you and actually contribute).

So please Pedro, let your Soul Glo, and give us one more night of baseball, and a better chance of not having to hide until pitchers and catchers report. Another playoff collapse for the Yanks would just be icing on the cake.

Go Sox.

102 Days.

Done.

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Red Sox Have Only One Thing Left to Do. Win the Whole F#$%ing Thing.

Did anyone really think he'd get to 25 this year?The Sox won last night, finally putting the Royals in their place after spending two days trying to prove to the world that if they don’t somehow get home field advantage in the playoffs they are completely screwed. Beckett, working with Martinez as a practice for the fact the Varitek is going to be more of a bench coach in the playoffs than a catcher, looked good, scattering 12 hits (10 singles) and two runs over six innings to get the win. The hits shouldn’t bother anyone because most of them were on the ground, which means that Beckett has gotten over his August habit of leaving pitches up to get hammered, and his seven Ks also were nice. The team hit well, after being stymied by Luke Hochevar for four innings, and pretty much everybody contributed (including Gonzo, the option on whom the Sox need to pick up because they aren’t going to find anyone better short of trading for Hanley).

Lookin good, The win was nice, pushing our magic number to five and getting win number 16 for Beckett, but the more important results were how things are setting up for the post season. Amongst the teams that are likely to be in the tournament, the Sox are one of the few (or the only) teams that has all their ducks in a row and is playing high quality ball on all fronts (other than Manny Delcarmen). The only hint of an issue is middle relief, but that is less of a factor in the post season with the off days and travel days necessary to keep the networks happy (god forbid that a baseball game should take the place of American F#$%ing Idol for one night, or there will be an idiot stampede at Fox). Being able to run out a group of Okajima, Wagner, Bard and Ram Ram in front of Paps each night, will definitely give the edge to the Sox. Saito and Byrd will also be around to play mop up or take the ball in an emergency (Delcarmen will be watching from home like the rest of us, thankfully). The rotation stands strong with Beckett (who probably has the best post season resume of any pitcher active today), Lester (the best pitcher in the Majors since June), Buck, and Matsuzaka.

"Guess you shouldn't have quit the HGH, huh Andy."

"Guess you shouldn't have quit the HGH, huh Andy."

The other guys, on the other hand, are all looking more flawed by the day. The Phillies don’t have a closer who can close a game, the Dodgers are scuflling (I wonder what happened to that Ramirez guy who was supposed to be so great) and not entirely healthy, the Rockies (injured Huston Street) and Angels (ineffective Brian Fuentes) are missing their closers (and the Angels have to play the Sox in the first round, we all know how that is likely to turn out), and the Cardinals don’t really have anyone after you get through the starters. Best of all is the fact that the Yanks don’t know what they are going to get after Sabathia, because Burnett has sucked lately, Pettite is suddenly really, really old, and Joba isn’t aloud to throw more than four pitches a day.

We may not have enough time to get back to the division lead, and that’s all that is stopping us, time, but the Sox are looking good in the tuneups for the ALDS. In a couple of weeks we can start having daily heart attacks again, but until then we can just sit back and count down the magic number.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Red Sox – Yankees: It’s On. Kinda.

Jesus knows his shitDo you remember in 2004, after Aaron F@#$ing Boone’s homer and the whole Douche-Rod for Manny idea, when the Sox and Pinstriped Assholes played their first Spring Training Game against each other? There were t-shirts, magnets and $500 tickets to commemorate a meaningless Spring Training game. It was called ALCS game 8 and people all over the country were actually interested in a Grapefruit league game which would only feature the real players for a few innings. Never the less, it was a circus.

New DetergentThis year, however, I just don’t feel the hate. Someone who shall remain a dbag, but nameless, is out nursing his sore vagina hip, and trying to escape his admission that like so many of his teammates (Pettite, Giambi, Clemens) he used steroids to make him millions of dollars. The two guys on the Sox, Youk and Pedroia, who would likely be stirring the pot (read: talking enough shit to get you kicked out of many respectable establishments) are off galavanting and making friends with Jeter while they represent our nation at the WBC. Beckett, who is making the Grapefruit league his bitch (O runs allowed this spring) wont be pitching.

My nephew wears this all the time

My nephew wears this all the time

And oh yeah, the Yankees are coming off an 89 win season which had them watching the playoffs instead of participating for the first time in 13 years. Added to the fact that this game doesn’t count, all these factors just make it hard to care. I know, they spent $423.5 million on three guys this winter, including the first baseman that we had hoped to sign, but I, and it seems most others, are strangely unafraid. Adding a notoriously slow starting power hitter and two pitchers who are primed to break down is not the way to strike fear into the hearts of Sox fans (post 2004 that is).

Golf NakedSo lets all relax, listen to the genius of Papelbon, enjoy the surprisingly early return of Papi and Jason “Chemo” Bay, and hope and pray that Remy will be back behind the mic soon and I can stop having nightmares about Bob Montgomery. Happy Friday the 13th.

You know what i’ll be doing tomorrow.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Update: World’s Worst PR Athelete Took Good Advice & Refused to Walk Road to Clemensville, Comes Clean About Being Dirty

A-Hole/Roid/Rod tells Gammons he took the needle.

Sources Confirm Blue Lip Gloss a Direct Side Effect of Steroid Use.

Extended Interview on ESPN tonight, 6PM.

Can’t. Effing. Wait.

I mean...

I mean...

SMC

***********************************************************************************************************

In an interview with The Man set to air on Sportscenter, Alex Rodriguez admitted to having used an unknown performance enhancing drug during his three years (’01-03) in Texas.

“When I arrived in Texas in 2001, I felt an enormous amount of pressure, felt all the weight of the world on top of me to perform, and perform at a high level every day,” Rodriguez told ESPN’s Peter Gammons in an interview in Miami Beach, Fla. An extended interview will air on SportsCenter at 6 p.m. ET.

“Back then, [baseball] was a different culture,” Rodriguez said. “It was very loose. I was young, I was stupid, I was naïve. I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time.

“I did take a banned substance. For that, I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”

Rodriguez’s admission comes 48 hours after Sports Illustrated reported that Rodriguez was on a list of 104 players who tested positive for banned substances in 2003, the year when Major League Baseball conducted survey tests to see if mandatory, random drug-testing was needed in the sport.

I’m glad he did this. We all know that i hate A-Rod. I think he is everything that makes the Yankees hateable. However, I love baseball, I want the game to prosper and I want to feel good about the players who hold the records that my childhood heroes once held. It is because of that that I was excited to watch A-Rod hit his 763rd home run (all hit with his team up or down 5 or more runs and in meaningless games), passing Barry Bonds, and giving us, once again, a legitimate home run champ. He was one of the guys, along with Pujols, Howard, and others that was going to prove that there could still be monster power numbers without ‘roids. Now that part of his life and history are over, but there is one consolation: We can all (except for the other 103 guys on that list who have to be worried about their names coming out) move on.

Sure, there are still going to be steroid chants at Fenway and most of the other ballparks he visits, but like Jason Giambi and Andy Pettite, he’ll move on and people will forgive. By admitting his mistake and apologizing, Rodriguez has cleared the air so that what he does from now on will be less dubious (vocab word). The important part of this is that he did not deny it, or say that it was just once. He learned from the lessons of Roger Clemens, who is still denying what he did as the evidence mounts up, and loses his grip on a spot in the Hall of Fame each time he says that he was clean, the HGH was for his wife (that is the lowest move of all), or that it was MacNamee’s fault.

The dark chapter in baseball history is still being written, not by events that are happening today but by the revelations of those in the past. The lessons learned will make the game stronger and the heroes we have always loved more believable. Good job Alex, hopefully your lesson will be one of the last.

You are still a Douchebag.

Go Sox.

3 Freaking Days.

Done.

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Winter Meetings Day 2: This is What Going Mad Must Feel Like.

 
Overrated, Overrated, Overrated. After two days of wheeling and dealing in Las Vegas, the Winter Meetings finally got exciting yesterday. Well, for some that is. The Mets nailed down the back of their bullpen by signing the vastly overrated Frankie Rodriguez to a three year, $37 Million contract. The Yanks have reportedly gotten their man in the 7 year, $161 Million arm of CC Sabathia (too much, too long, too fat). The Dodgers have signed former Patriots Day hero Mark Loretta as well as retaining Casey Blake. The Orioles have traded Ramon Hernandez (who they were not going to trade in Division for all of you who think he could have replaced Varitek) to the Reds for Ryan Freel. The Indians are nearing a deal with oft injured former Cub Kerry Wood. Lots of deals and imminent deals are floating around, but something is missing, and it’s making me feel like these aren’t really the Winter Meetings.

boras_antichristLet’s see; all of the GMs are there, there are lots of buffets, Satan is wandering around collecting dollars, souls and robbing the occasional little old lady. What is missing? Oh, Yeah, the Boston Red Sox have not made a deal yet. The usually very active Theo and Company have been stagnant, though they have had their noses in pretty much everything. This is what’s been going on according to my numerous sources:

oh, yeah. He plays Gold Glove first base as well.

oh, yeah. He plays Gold Glove first base as well.

The Sox are the frontrunners in the race for Mark Teixeira, having met with Satan early this morning (Theo goes all night). Now that Sabathia is off the market, this negotiation should heat up. He is also known as the prime target of his current team, the LAAAngels, and to be in the plans of a few other teams. He should be getting somewhere in the range of The old left fielder’s deal (8 Yrs, $160 million), probably a few million a year more. The Yanks might not get involved now that they’ve got CC, instead aiming to lure D-Lowe and/or Burnett to join him. Hank “Dumber than dad with a bigger mouth” Steinbrenner has made it clear that he also wants to bring home the old left fielder (he grew up within view of the Stadium). Of course, they have more money than brains so an offer will probably be forthcoming. 

It would just be a great kick in the Nuts to the Yankees fans for him to have a good season in a Red Sox uniform.

It would just be a great kick in the Nuts to the Yankees fans for him to have a good season in a Red Sox uniform.

Another market they are heavy into is the one for a moderately priced veteran starter. names kicked around have been Pettite, Smoltz, Pavano, Lowe and Burnett. Of course, the latter two have a heftier (like Sabathia, who’s fat) price in terms of both years and dollars, but the Sox are exploring all options. Lowe still has a boner for Northeastern girls, and has stated that he wants to come back, but I doubt the Sox would bring him back at the 4 year, $50-60 million range that he’s looking for. Burnett already supposedly has an offer from the Yanks on the table for 5 years and $66 Million, which the Sox will not go to. This wold be as bad a deal as the Sabathia one as both of them are primed to break down (though in different ways). One GM said of Sabathia, “As he gets older, he’s not gonna get skinnier,” and Burnett only had one really good season in Toronto and originally looked to be as bad a signing as Pavano (likely returning to the Marlins) in the first two years. Smoltz and Pettite are both better options as they could come in for only one year, if big money ($12-17 Million) and allow Masterson to continue in the setup role where he excelled this season. 

Still the Captain

Still the Captain

The other Priority for the Sox is actually one where they are getting help from teams around the league. Yesterday’s trade of Ramon Hernandez to the Reds removes another possible landing place for Varitek, as he will not want to sit in Baltimore as the O’s introduce their big catching prospect. He is losing options by the day and in all likelyhood will be returning to Fenway. The trade market has rumors flying that the Rangers will be willing to give us Salty for Clay “I threw a no hitter in my second start and then shit the bed after” Buchholz. I like that deal on many levels, first it allows the Sox to shed the history and personal issues that comes with any failure by Buchholz in this uniform and second the Sox get the Catcher of the Future with time for him to train with the Captain. 

Tomorrow the Sox will make one new announcement: New logo and Uniforms. I’m praying that they won’t touch the basic home jersey or hat, but changes to the road and alternate unis and hats could be a great way to increase revenues (you know you’ll want one,. I do). Either way, it’ll all shake out, but for now let’s just trust in Theo, laugh at the Yanks for giving a fat man an unlimited food budget in New York City, and Watch Baseball Tonight at 5 PM today on ESPN2. 

Go Sox. 

64 Days.

Done.

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