Tag Archives: Florida Gators

Tim Tebow Crying Again…….. At Least We Think So.

I think this is a picture of somebody crying.

Independent sources have not confirmed by bringing me his tears (so that I may drink them for sustenance), but I’m pretty sure that this is is a picture of Tim Tebow crying after the Florida Gators loss to Alabama. Like Cartman licking Scott Tenorman’s tears, it makes me happy to see Tebow, and his legion of sycophants (vocab word), taken down a peg or two. What this truly makes me wonder is if Tebow will cry after every time his NFL team loses.

I hope the Browns draft him. It would be hilarious.

Go Sox.

73 Days.

Done.

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O.K. So the BCS Works, Just This Once.

I hate the BCS. I’m not shy about that fact. The system guarantees that undefeated teams (this year it’ll be Cincinnati, Boise State and probably TCU), teams that have gone out and beaten every team that lined up in front of them, will not even get a sniff of the National Championship game. In any other college sport, no matter what conference you play in, or who is on your schedule, if you beat everybody who you go up against, you get a shot to win the national title.

But football has to be different, and this year different kinda works. There are two games going on today that just about amount to national semifinals. If Texas wins, they will play the winner of the SEC title game between Florida/Jesus and Alabama. If Texas loses, undefeated TCU (who have the best mascot in college sports, the Horned Frog) will get the spot. That sounds remarkably like a playoff to me. Wish I had thought of that.

On the other hand, there will be at least two undefeated teams that don’t get the shot. So feel free to complain. Go Nebraska.

Go Sox.

75 Days.

Done.

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God May Poop, But Tim Tebow Fertilizes Fields for Starving Children

Tim Tebow Would Cry After Sex.

The Florida Gators demolished the Florida State Seminoles (and Bobby Bowden’s final shot at glory) this afternoon to complete an undefeated regular season and move them one step closer to playing for their third “National Championship” in four years. Tim Tebow, who most sports media outlets would have you believe is the offspring of Jesus and The Heisman Trophy, was dominant once again, but the continued media fawning over him is really getting overboard. During today’s admittedly boring game the announcers spent about 15 minutes talking about the bible verse on Tebow’s eyeblack strips, and how he is so inspirational.

It’s all crap. You know what would inspire me? Him kicking ass, walking out of that stadium and going Matt Leinart all over the women of the University of Florida. That’s right, I want Tebow to be all of those negative stereotypes of a college football player, because I can’t stand to see him waste the opportunity that has been placed before him. I’m not talking about the NFL or saving the souls of all the heathens out there. I’m talking about the hordes of dumb beautiful women that attend the University of Florida.

Please, Tim, channel your inner Leinart (or even Kyle Orton) and make those of us who know and enjoy the fact that Jesus loved the ladies be just as proud of you as the missionaries in your home town are.

And then you can cry like a sissy again after Alabama beats you next week.

Go Sox.

82 Days.

Done.

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Psycho T Looks Better Covered in Blood than Tebow does in Champagne

Before Tim ” I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus” Tebow plays for his second “National Championship” in three years tonight, I need to get something off of my chest. I love Tyler Hansbrough as as much as I hate Tebow. I love him for the same reason that I loved KG while he was toiling away in Minnesota. He is a guy who plays like he doesn’t have any natural talent, and hustles like he’s Rudy’s younger, smaller brother, but he is the best player in the country. He, like Tebow, also leads the best team in the country (what is a Tar Heel?). Scary FaceHe is a guy who loves his own position in life, enjoys the perks of being a BMOC in the Land of Dumb Beautiful Women (unlike Tebow) and plays every game like it’s his last (partially because he has to keep up with his brother, who is partially paralyzed but still manages to run freaking marathons). 

He is the Anti-Tebow, a guy who people can look at and think, “I want to party with him.” They both have babyfaces, but Hansbrough can still look tough, where as Tebow just looks like a tool. Hansbrough doesn’t have the effortless play of Tebow, or the annoying over-perfectness. I love to watch him play (yes, he actually does give me a reason to watch college basketball before March) because every time he takes the floor, he plays the game like he just did eight lines of adderall and drank 17 RedBulls and a Liter O’Cola. He is the best player on the best team in the country, and many people, especially in the ACC, hate him for that. 

Not AwesomenessBut the real reason to love Psycho T (other than his awesome middle school nickname) and hate Tebow is how they publicly to the adversity they have faced. When Tebow’s Gators lost to Ole Miss at home this season, he was seen walking off of the field crying. Yes, crying. In public. On national TV. He was given a challenge, and faced with it, decided to cry and run off the field instead of meeting his opponent, congratulating him and walking off like a man with his head up. Maybe Jesus can help him with that. Hansbrough on the other hand, dealt with the upset loss to B.C. the other day, and the loss to Kansas in the Final Four last year with gentlemanly grace. He also reacted in the best way possible when Gerald “My Girlfriend can beat me in hoops” Henderson smashed his nose open in a game against Duke. He wiped off the blood, went back out on the floor, and kicked ass. He showed emotion, intensity, and general manlyness in handling the situation. He takes all of the heckling that he faces in the close confines of places like Cameron Indoor Stadium and plays harder, like when a fan held up his phone number, and Tebow doesn’t even have to deal with it in the giant stadiums in which he plays. 

Psycho T Covered in Blood

I’m saying today that I want the Celtics to find a way to acquire Tyler Hansbrough, be it in the draft or through a trade. Can you imagine what would happen if a psyched up KG and Psycho T got their hands on some skinny guy underneath the basket? They would shake him around like a rag doll, fighting over who gets to dominate him, and eventually rip one of his arms off and leave him crumpled under the hoop as if he had just met Batman in a dark alley. These two guys are so alike that either of them would take the Ronnie Lott way out of an injury and just cut off the limb to keep playing. Now that would be fun to watch. 

He's even good at the Special Olympics.

He's even good at the Special Olympics.

Other News Update: The Sox are set to sign John Smoltz and Rocco Baldelli in the next few days. These are both great pickups. Smoltz is the Playoff hardened fifth starter we wanted to add depth to the rotation without moving Masterson from the ‘pen (he can also close in an emergency). Baldelli, when healthy, is an outfielder who can start for most teams in the bigs and has a cannon of an arm from the outfield. More on these signings when they are complete and official. 

Goodbye Pacman Jones. The Cowboys cut you and you are probably headed to prison for arranging yet another shooting. Perhaps one of your new fellow inmates will give your nickname a new meaning. 

35 Days. 

Done.

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Shenanigans and other news.

Too Black for AuburnAuburn University doesn’t care about black people. The big controversy this week is a result of the hiring of Gene Chizik, formerly of Iowa State, as the new head coach of the Auburn Tigers Football team. First of all, Tommy Tuberville (who the BCS robbed of a title shot in 2004) should still be the coach down there, but he resigned. Then the university hired a man with a losing record at a Big 12 school (5-19) and no reason to believe that he can run a successful SEC program. The controversy here is that there was a vastly more qualified person to take over this position, Turner Gill. The University of Buffalo coach, who took that program from one of the worst in the nation to a MAC championship over previously undefeated Ball State, happens to be black, and many pundits (love that word) are crying racism in this case. Gill called himself a “token interview” according to Charles Barkley (auburn Alum and all around blowhard) I don’t know that I disagree with them, even as a white guy (Joo) who is loathe to ever claim racism. Barkley, some random guy on the Auburn campus, most of the fans at Auburn and the relatively (other than the extreme east coast bias) objective folks at the Mothership are all questioning this call, and I’m declaring Shenanigans too. 

The Celtics are really really good and so is Rajon Rondo. They have won 15 in a row, tied the record for best NBA start (23-2) and are dominating pretty much everyone. Last night Rondo had yet another first in his young career, 25 points, to lead the C’s to a 100-91 win over the Utah Latter Day Saints. What is bothering me though, is that John Hollinger of ESPN, in his daily NBA rankings, has the Celtics second to the Cavaliers. The most entertaining part of this is that the C’s may send four of their starters to wherever the NBA allstar game/groupie convention is this season. If Rondo doesn’t make it there is something severely wrong. Shenanigans. 

Baseball News: Karl Ravech is reporting that Mark Teixeira is close to a decision on where he will play for the next 6-8 years. We don’t know where yet but we do know that he is expecting between $22 and $28 million per year. Why ESPN is calling this breaking news when there is nothing actually happening I do not know. Also, Rafael Furcal decided to go home to the Braves instead of taking a bigger offer from the A’s. Good for him. 

murrayOklahoma running back DeMarco Murray has a partial rupture of his hamstring and will not be participating in the National Title Game. This happened on the opening kickoff of the Big 12 Title Game. This makes the offense of Bob Stoops and Sam Bradford less explosive and removes an element of elusiveness from their arsenal. This is a big blow to the Sooners hopes because Murray was effectively a guy who the Gators would have had to game plan around due to his skills as a runner, receiver, and possibly most importantly a returner. Florida has to be favored even more now. I hate Tim Tebow.

I now know what inspirational poster Bill Belichick and all of his Patriots look at each morning after looking at the list of guys who have been lost to injury this season. 

awesomeness_by_ertunc58 Days.

Done.

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