Tag Archives: Florida State Seminoles

God May Poop, But Tim Tebow Fertilizes Fields for Starving Children

Tim Tebow Would Cry After Sex.

The Florida Gators demolished the Florida State Seminoles (and Bobby Bowden’s final shot at glory) this afternoon to complete an undefeated regular season and move them one step closer to playing for their third “National Championship” in four years. Tim Tebow, who most sports media outlets would have you believe is the offspring of Jesus and The Heisman Trophy, was dominant once again, but the continued media fawning over him is really getting overboard. During today’s admittedly boring game the announcers spent about 15 minutes talking about the bible verse on Tebow’s eyeblack strips, and how he is so inspirational.

It’s all crap. You know what would inspire me? Him kicking ass, walking out of that stadium and going Matt Leinart all over the women of the University of Florida. That’s right, I want Tebow to be all of those negative stereotypes of a college football player, because I can’t stand to see him waste the opportunity that has been placed before him. I’m not talking about the NFL or saving the souls of all the heathens out there. I’m talking about the hordes of dumb beautiful women that attend the University of Florida.

Please, Tim, channel your inner Leinart (or even Kyle Orton) and make those of us who know and enjoy the fact that Jesus loved the ladies be just as proud of you as the missionaries in your home town are.

And then you can cry like a sissy again after Alabama beats you next week.

Go Sox.

82 Days.

Done.

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