Tag Archives: Kansas City Royals

We Lost to the Royals? The Freaking Royals?

Just like the Sox losing to the Royals, some things should simply not be.

So it’s back to drinking heavily every time Matsuzaka starts. Or maybe just every other time. After sweeping the team the best record in baseball, the Red Sox come home and ride an absolute lack of timely hitting (other than Tek) and eight freaking walks by Dice-K “I’m great every second time out” Matsuzaka to a loss to the Royals, who don’t even win games with Zack Greinke on the mound. Matsuzaka was back to his wiggling ways, nibbling at the corners and refusing to throw any fastballs over the plate and challenge hitters. I’m done with him until he shows that he can be a real actual major league starter every time out, not every second or third. I’m kinda glad that I ruined his no-hitter.

Exactly.

I really don’t have anything good to say about this game, and the fact that I was driving to Jersey during it just made it worse. At least if I was at home I could have been witness to the magic of Kevin Millar returning to Boston to do shots on TV with Tom Caron and Jim Rice, before the three hours of frustration that followed. I can only imagine what will happen tonight if Victor can’t get himself back behind the plate because his toe hurts. The over/under on passed balls and wild pitches will be eleven for the Wakefield/Varitek battery.

I’m going to need a bigger bottle for this one. Thank god for open bar.

Go Sox.

Done.

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If The Red Sox Don’t Look Good Against The Royals This Weekend, I’ll Want Manny Delcarmen’s Head on a Spit.

You blow the game, and I'll drink beer out of your empty head.

They usually suck in K.C., but this is a new season and Timmmmmmmay is on the mound looking to move a step closer to officially being the man, in a historical sense. Meanwhile, the Sox need to show that they will spend the balance of the season kicking the crap out of the bottom half of the A.L. so that we can keep pace with those teams that should (and I say should because nothing is for sure) be getting in the way, like New York, LAAAAAAAA, Seattle, Minnesota, Detroit and Chicago. A series win here in K.C., where they are 6-7 in the past four years, would do a lot to bolster the confidence of a fan base which seems to be pressing the panic button daily (even though we all know that the team will win 95 games). Of course, if the bullpen (one of the supposed strengths of this team) were to blow another one, I’ll be calling to have a Manny Delcarmen Skull Keg Party (because it’s obviously his fault).

Remember to be happy that you aren’t a Pirates Fan.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Every Team is Better with a Guy Named Tug.

I don’t really know anything about this but the Sox just picked up a guy named Tug Hulett from the Royals. Here is the info from Extra Bases:

The club acquired versatile infielder Tug Hulett from the Kansas City Royals for a player to be named later or cash considerations.

Hulett, 26, hit .111 in 18 at-bats with one RBI in 15 games for the Royals last season.

He appeared in five games at second base (two starts), but also saw time at third base (one game), shortstop (one game), left field (one game) and right field (two games).

The lefthanded hitter, who is the son of former major leaguer Tim Hulett, spent most of last season at the Royals’ Triple A Omaha affiliate, where he hit .291 with 11 home runs and 53 RBI in 99 games.

Overall, Hulett owns a .194 batting average with one homer and three RBI in 45 games in the big leagues.

He probably won’t make the big club anytime soon, or will be flipped for Gonzalez/Halladay/Cabrera/Pujols, but hell, we have a guy named Tug, and that worked out for the Phillies (and Faith Hill). So we’ve got that going for us.

More on the trade ideas later.

Go Sox.

84 Days.

Done.

 

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Red Sox Just Need To Get It Done.

Sox lose to Royals again. Greinke is good. The division would be nice, but so would a week in the Bahamas with Eliza Dushku and Alyssa Milano. The Rangers lost last night, bringing the magic number to Six. The Wild Card lead is seven, so lets just get that settled before we start thinking about anything else. Remember what happens when the goal is accomplished?

Yeah, it feels that good.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Kauffman Stadium is The Worst Place Ever, We Should Leave Manny Delcarmen there.

Worst Ballpark Ever.

Worst Ballpark Ever.

I have a hitstory with Kauffman stadium in Kansas City. It was the first non-Fenway ballpark that I ever saw a game at (Bo Jackson hit a home run). It was also the site of the beginning of the end for the 2006 Red Sox, a sweep at the hands of the Royals (featuring the longest home run I have ever seen, off the bat of Wily Mo Pena) which I had the misfortune of witnessing in person with Jimmy Junk. It’s an ugly stadium that is more of a concrete block than a ballpark with any type of character. And last night it was the location of the final chance that I will give Manny Delcarmen for this season.

I couldn't find a picture of Delcarmen Sucking in the Rain, but i found plenty of the Royals Celebrating.

I couldn't find a picture of Delcarmen Sucking in the rain, but I found plenty of the Royals Celebrating.

Manny’s numbers aren’t that bad, but as a part of the best bullpen in the Major Leagues, he and his 4.34 ERA are stinking the place up. I never feel good when he is on the mound, and after he shit the bed against the Royals last night, failing to get through the inning after taking over from Wakefield, I think he deserves the same treatment I suggested for Lugo about four months ago: Brad Mills giving him two in the back of the head and leaving him in a dumpster on Ipswich Street. For Manny, however, I think Ipswich Street might be too nice, so he gets the underpass right next to Kauffman. I was actually thinking that I would rather see Saito out there last night in the f#$%ing downpour than Manny, and then I realized that Saito himself is now decomposing  somewhere (seriously, where the hell has he been? Is he on the DL, or did he just piss off Tito by spilling his Bigelow Green Tea like Sean Casey did last year during the playoffs?).

So Good.

So Good.

Delcarmen and death threats aside that one was a heartbreaker. A chance to pull within four of the Pinstriped Assholes (losers on the west coast), knock another off the Magic number, and get a win for the Elder Statesman and his shattered disk, and our bullpen blows it. Bay (5 Years, $80 Million, minimum) hit his career high thirty sixth of the year, plating RBIs number 111,112, and 113, Victor extended his hitting streak and everybody looked good. Somebody needs to explain to Theo that, after the Teixeira debacle last Christmas (how much must that have effed up people’s christmas? I’m a Jew and it made even mine suck), failing to sign Bay, who is this years top free agent hitter, would be cataclysmic. Just get it done, and quickly.

Now if we can just get over this whole goddamn Kansas City thing.

Go Sox.

Done.

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People texted me from Kansas City

I looked at my phone at 10:07 last night and there was a text from the Original Riblah. It read: “The Royals… Really? For once I can be sorry for someone else.”

Homo Unerectus.

Homo Unerectus.

I had already switched from the game to more recreational activities (I was watching Deadliest Catch because I couldn’t find last week’s Whale Wars on demand) so I switched back over to the game and the suckbag Red Sox were getting womped around by the Royalty of Kansas Effing City. The best and most dominant bullpen in recent Sox history, filled with all guys I could name (what’s the last bullpen from any team that you could name and like all the guys in) gets tomahawked by the Cornfield Puffs.

Last night sucked super hard. A guy who is notorious for out drinking AA HOFers and then urinating on my micro fiber couch (with micro fiber, you just wick the urine away) texted me to tell me how sorry he was for my ball club. You see, to people in Kansas, there is this odd sense of semi-rivalry (it’s only to people in Kansas) because they constantly demand that someone else remembers Damon cam from there and that they were the ones Lester no-hit.

Last text transmission from Riblah: “Good luck in the ninth, I don’t want KC getting any more false hope.”

Done, myself and some chicks will be cheering them on from the stands this evening. Hold the rain, add beer, Go Sox.

StartMattCassel

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The I.H. List

There is a list that every sports fan has. It may not be something that we think about, or that we even acknowledge, but we have it. It is the Irrational Hatred List. This is not a list of teams or people that we hate (like the Yankees) for reasons connected to our favorite teams, or even reasons of past slights. They are teams we hate because it just feels right. Often they are in sports or leagues that we don’t even love, like college sports for me, or hockey for 90% of Americans. We don’t go out of our way to buy shirts or express this hatred, but there is a genuine pleasure in watching (or even just hearing about it) when they lose.

"Oh, God. I Just Pooped"

(I want everyone to close their eyes. Now raise your hands if you wait every march for the day that Duke loses in the NCAA tournament. Now open your eyes. See?)

For some it is teams that have players they hate (StartMattCassel loves the Packers all of a sudden). For some it is teams that they hate due to continued success (the Bulls of the 90’s). For some it is because they don’t like the fans, or colors, or stadium, or where they are from. It really doesn’t matter why, we just hate these teams irrationally. They don’t even need to be good. 

This came to a head for me on Saturday night when I found myself actively rooting against the Ohio State Buckeyes in their loss (awesome) against Penn State. Now, I don’t have a particular team in college football that I care about. I don’t watch it on a regular basis (though I do follow the highlights on SportsCenter so that I know what’s up and who to watch for the draft), but I have always hated Ohio State (and only in football; I actually rooted for the Greg Oden team in the Tourney a few years back).I loved watching them get taken to the woodshed in the “National Championship Game” the past two seasons. Watching the game, I could not think of a reason why I should root against them, I am not a Michigan fan, I am not a Penn State fan, I just hate Ohio State Football for some reason.

So without further adieu, here is my IH list (note: I don’t give reasons for why I hate them because it is an Irrational Hatred list):

1. Ohio State Football. (See Above)

2. Texas anything. (Just so you all know, the “hook ’em horns” gesture means “someone is banging your wife” in Italy.) 

3. Duke Basketball.

4. The Kansas City Royals.

5. The Detroit Red Wings. 

That’s it for now, but I’m sure others will pop up as time goes on.

Some quick notes on the World Series:

The Rays added our old friend Eric Hinske (and the only Ray that I root for) to the roster before last nights game, and he homered as a pinch hitter in the loss. It was good to see him have some success, and I will  always welcome him back to Boston because of the catch he made in right where he smashed his face on the right field warning track. It was also cool to see Joe Blanton hit his first career Home Run last night. The Phillies have Cole Hamels ready for tonight and a rested Brad Lidge in the pen for tonight, this could be it for the Rays if they don’t come up with something special. Finally, The Beard That Should Not Be was voted the AL Hank Aaron Award winner as the best offensive player in the league. Congrats Youk. 

113 Days

Done.

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