Tag Archives: Miguel Cabrera

Why I Didn’t Buy Red Sox Tickets Today.

This offseason can go either one of two ways: Triumph or tragedy. That’s not hyperbole, and it might not be seen which way it’ll go for three or four years. Today was non-tender day in the Major Leagues (also known as the day that the Twins gave up David Ortiz for nothing), and things have started to roll. Hopefully it will pick up like a snowball going down hill. If this year really is a “bridge year” as Theo puts it, down hill might be the operative word there.

The first order of business is that whole left field thing. Jason Bay, the incumbent man beneath the monster, has apparently “moved on” according to his agent. This may be a ploy to drag a few million more dollars out of the Sox, but it also mean that the team is going to lose out and be left to the ravages of Scott Boras, in trying to get Matt Holliday to town, or the dreaded platoon. Odds are that Bay has moved on to the Mets or some other crappy team, meaning the Sox will have to come up with another answer (I want this to be wrong very badly) A wise man once said that if you have two quarterbacks you have none, and in the AL east, it is the same way with every position player. If the team is forced to go with a platoon for a year then that will show that they are throwing away a season in the hopes of spending that money on Carl Crawford.

Then there is third base/first base (whichever one Youk isn’t playing). With the trade of Mike Lowell, the Sox are missing a guy to play one of the corner infield spots (don’t give me that casey Kotchman crap, he’s a good player for a mid level team, not a starter on a World Series team, especially with his bat). The door is open for a big trade, say for Miguel Cabrera or Adrian Gonzalez (I get the feeling I’m starting to repeat myself, but until another option is shown to me I’m sticking to my guns), or a signing of Adrian Beltre. There aren’t any exciting free agent corner infielders set to be on the market after this season, so I really don’t see the plan there if they do wait.


Other than that, I’m pretty happy with the way the team looks as constituted today. Scutaro was a good move to “bridge” the gap between today and Jose Iglesias (another “prospect” for whom Theo is leveraging the present), but other than that there has been no step forward, only a step back, and if the Sox win the World Series for three years in a row over the next decade that’s fine, but for now it sucks.

That is why I didn’t go to “Christmas at Fenway” (should have been Chanukah) today and buy tickets, spending part of my (way too small) paycheck on a team that hasn’t shown me that they will spend their tremendous revenues on me. When and if that happens, you will find me scouring the web for tickets and calling in all of te favors that I have earned over the past year, but until then, i’m mostly just an interested observer, not an invested one.

Go Sox.

67 Days.



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A Winter Meeting Plan For the Red Sox, From John Henry’s Testicles.

With the winter meetings going on and nothing productive coming out of the Red Sox (which is hopefully a good sign seeing how last winter’s well publicized activity turned out) let’s just pretend for a minute that John Henry’s testicles have been liberated from his new wife’s handbag. Of course, being huge (figuratively, not physically) fans of The Ballpark, they wrote us a letter.

Dear GetOutofMyBallpark,

We, John Henry’s Nuts, have been cooped up ever since the end of the 2008 season and want revenge for our lack of participation in the Mark Teixeira debacle. Fortunately we have a plan, and one which allows the Sox to stay competitive in the future, which will help the Sox win now and get that diamond studded Prince Albert that we have always wanted as a championship ring.

The first step is the most obvious; throw piles of money at Jason Bay. The guy is good. He hits for more power and takes more walks than Matt Holliday, and most importantly has proven himself to be a force in the American League and the pressure cooker of Boston. He has already learned to play the wall and will probably cost less. Holliday, who is also very good, had a bad experience in the AL last season, has never played in a market like Boston (St. Louis doesn’t count; their fans never complain), and is represented by Scott Boras, the third biggest douche in baseball. Holliday does hit for more average, and has pretty good power, but for the money he isn’t a significant upgrade.

He May Look Funny But He Sure Pitches Good.

The next step is to sign John Lackey. We know that he can’t close his mouth, but the fact is that the guy can pitch. He has been the ace of the Angels for the past five years, and has led them to the playoffs each time. Though he hasn’t had the innings that are expected of him the past two seasons (both started late due to injuries), he has been a horse down the stretch both years and in his last completely healthy season of 2007, he was 19-9 with a 3.01 ERA. Considering the fact that guys like Joel Piniero (remember him) and Randy Wolf (great porn name) are said to be looking for $10 million per (Wolf is about to get $30 million over three from Milwaukee), the better deal is to pay a guy who is better and more consistent less than twice that.

That move would give the Sox a rotation of  Beckett, Lackey, Lester, Matsuzaka and Wakefield. Why no Buchholz? That is the third part of the plan.

The Red Sox have the single best trading chip in the entirety of Major League Baseball, a young, semi-proven pitcher (whose wife is one of our personal favorites) over whom they still have five years of control (including arbitration years). This can be flipped for any number of things including Roy Halladay (who becomes redundant because of the Lackey signing and probably ends up in Anaheim as a non threat), and more importantly, a power hitter. The last part of the plan is to make Clay Buchholz into Miguel Cabrera or (preferrably) Adrian Gonzalez.

What the Red Sox really need to add is young power. Giving up a guy like Casey Kelly or Ryan Westmoreland along with Buchholz for a guy who can impact the club not just for a few years, like Halladay would, but for a long time like either Cabrera or Gonzalez would is a smart bet. Half of the guys that are called can’t miss prospects never pan out. We all know this, and we are ready to pull the trigger.


Lance and Miguel, also known as John Henry’s Testicles.

Unfortunately, this was all pretend, just like the time Stewie killed Lois. John Henry’s balls are firmly wrapped up in Linda Pizzuti’s handbag and don’t seem to be coming out anytime soon. Theo wants to maintain leverage and doesn’t admit that the Sox ca go out and spend the same kind of money that the Yanks and Angels can. If only he would realize that his fans want to win now and deal with the future then. If only.

Go Sox.

71 Days.


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Marco Scutaro and other Baseless Speculation on the Red Sox Hot Stove Season.

This video is serious, by the way… not like, from me… but someone actually made it… in real life…

…With only a few days left until the Winter Meetings (my favorite non-baseball season week of the year), nobody really has any idea what is going on with the Red Sox. Last year we all knew that they were going to go hard after the guy whose balls are in Leigh Teixeira’s handbag (obviously not hard enough) and that the Yanks were going to sign a fat guy. In the weeks since the end of the season, there have been rumors of everything from the Sox getting Roy Halladay for Buchholz and Casey Kelly (who is both a shortstop and starting pitcher), to them signing Matt Holiday instead of Jason Bay so that they could net an extra draft pick, to Theo giving up his first born, Mike Lowell and the souls of half the front office to get Hanley Ramirez back and end the curse of Nomar.


The most recent word with any certainty is that Marco Scutaro, a career utility player who managed to put in a career year last season in Toronto, wants to come to Boston and the team has sent Allard Baird to see him work out and requested his medical records. Of course, this wouldn’t have been necessary if the team (meaning Theo, who really has to prove his shit this offseason) hadn’t crapped the bed when they had a chance to resign Alex Gonzalez, who has been the closest thing to an actual shortstop that the Sox have had since Cabrera and his “off-field issues” departed after 2004. The most recent report is that Scutaro is about to sign a two year deal, with an option for a third, which should be just enough time to let Jose Iglesias (by all reports he does not have a large facial mole), the Sox wiz kid shortstop of the future, to season in the minors. With the option of Gonzalez off the table, this is the best move possible.

Contrary to popular opinion, this move does not take away the possibility of the return of Hanley. Scutaro is a much better defensive shortstop (and by much better I mean that Hanley sucks) and Ramirez could be an answer in the outfield if Bay doesn’t return.

Please come home.

The other thing we know is that the team is putting on the full court press to re sign Jason Bay, and that Matt Holliday is not really on the radar. Bay is the best fit, having proven that he can thrive in the atmosphere of Boston and the American League, which Holliday has yet to do. Holliday’s only AL experience to this point, in fact, was a disastrous experience with the A’s at the start of last season, where he hit .286 with 11 HR and 54 RBI in 93 games. When he returned to St. Louis, had Albert Pujols protecting him, and was in the more comfortable National League again, Holliday hit .353, with 13 HR and 55 RBI in Only 63 games. There will be competition for Bay’s services, though, seeing as he is the most complete, proven player on the market. He recently turned down the Sox 4 year, $60 Million offer, and is getting interest from the Yanks (who declined arbitration on John Damon and are in the market for a left fielder), Seattle (Bay’s adopted home town) and likely the Angels among others. I say Theo should give him the “FU J.D.” deal of five years and $80 million, just to show Drew that he doesn’t deserve to be the highest paid player on a perennial contender.

Mrs. About To Be Traded For A Power Hitter

Free agents aside, and there aren’t many other big name ones to speak of, the Sox look to be movers and shakers in the trading market. From using all of the blackmail materials that Theo has on Hoyer from their years together to get Adrian Gonzalez, to trying to pry Hanley Ramirez back from the Marlins to undo the trade that Theo would never have made had he not run away in a gorilla suit in the fall of 2006. These are all just ideas, and apparently the GMs get together at the meetings and just throw packages at each other (just like you and your buddies do in bars or in front of the TV at home). The Sox do have what seems to be the strongest trading chip of the offseason in Clay Buchholz, a young, cheap pitcher who is improving fast and the team still has control over for five seasons.

Hello, my name is Miguel and my wife kicked my ass.

The one idea I still don’t like is giving up Buchholz for Roy Halladay. Halladay is one of the best pitchers in the Majors and has been for a while, but he is 34, and will either be a one year loaner or a guy you have to give $20 million per to keep. This is the same argument I made when the Sox were thinking of trading Lester, Coco and Lowrie to the Twins for Johan Santana. Then as now, I said the only reason to make the deal is to keep him away from the Yanks. A much better path to follow is using that chip (Clay) to acquire a young power hitter in the way of a Gonzalez or Miguel Cabrera (that is only possible thanks to the auto industry collapsing all over Detroit). Gonzalez is preferable since he doesn’t already have the big dollar deal, but aside from the drinking and getting his ass kicked by his wife, Cabrera is supposedly a great clubhouse guy who would be a prefect replacement for Ortiz at DH after his contract expires next fall. Cabrera isn’t as good defensively as Gonzalez, and would likely be more of a DH than a first baseman, but if Lars Anderson ever pans out in the minors we’ve got that covered.

Then again, I have no f#$%ing clue what is going to happen.

Go Sox.

76 days.



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Women in the Work Place and Miguel Cabrera

Skip Bayless

Sportsfans, sports broadcasting history was made today. A female sports reporter (whose name and picture I can’t freaking find anywhere on the internet) was talking about the problems with Notre Dame and Charlie Weis. Basically,¬† the problem is what Notre Dame thinks of itself. They aren’t executing their offense because they don’t have the personnel to run an NFL Superbowl offense because they simply can’t recruit.

Nameless intelligent female reporter to Skip Bayless: “…these kids weren’t even alive, Skip, when Notre Dame was good.”

Brian Scalabrine

That was it, it wasn’t a monologue, but she’s absolutely right. Notre Dame needs to take the pressure off Weis, which I don’t think they will because their Boosters are so deep in their own asses they can’t see straight, and commit to rebuilding the program based on a few targeted key recruits. They tried to do this around Clausen but only went half way because of Notre Dame’s self imposed pressure to win a National Championship.

Also. The Sox getting Miguel Cabrera would be just fine. Actually, it arouses me. I’m tired of the myth that the most important player is an Ace. For us, it’s a 30/120 bat. AND we can still get an arm. We need to spend our balls off and lock up Bay or Holliday, and go nuts on some pitching, get Lackey, I don’t even care. Just get me some shit-talk fuel.

I don’t wanna win in 2 years. I want to win today. Pitchers and Catchers: February 18.


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