Tag Archives: New England Patriots

Day After Patriots’ Draft Picks Begin Arriving in Foxboro, Bill Puts Adalius’ Head on Fencepost Next to Weight Room.

The news out of Foxboro this morning is that outside linebacker Adalius Thomas has been cut from the Patriots. This opens a roster spot for one of the 12 drafted rookies (plus any additional undrafted rookie free agents, of which the Patriots are currently signing 6, 7 or 8 depending on who’s reporting.)

Adalius Thomas, on top, has a bit of a thing for bare midriffs, he explains to former asshole Jet, Brett Favre.

The Thomas move should come as a surprise to absolutely no one. Thomas signed a big huge 5 year deal in 2007 after Ray Lewis had inflated his stats for the 2 previous seasons. The word is Adalius just didn’t get and so an example was made of him. Personally, I’m wondering why we didn’t package him into a deal on draft day and get an additional 2nd rounder or multiple middle round picks… C’est La Vie.

Also, in the “It’s Never Too Early” category… The Patriots have two 1st Round picks and Two 2nd Round picks in 2011.

More to come on this years Patriot’s draftees and UDFAs as I sift through their police reports.




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No Matter To Whom You Are Praying, Pray for the Colts to Beat the Jets.

(I love grammatically correct headlines)

I’m sure as hell not the first person to say this, and I won’t be the last, but how the hell could this happen? In a worst case scenario for Patriots fans, the Colts and Jets are squaring off for the AFC title. The Colts are really really good. They were 14-0 and only lost their last two regular season games because they pulled all of their starters. They have the best Head Coach/Starting Quarterback combo in the world in Peyton Manning and Peyton Manning. They belong in the AFC title game. The Jets on the other hand are so purely hateable that it is ridiculous. Their coach is the spawn of a man who once punched his own team’s offensive coordinator on the sidelines. They run the ball and play defense and only won nine regular season games (the last two of which were mostly because the other team gave up to rest for the playoffs). They’re from freaking New York.

I don’t want to have to say this too many times, and It kind of hurts to do so, but I am pulling for the Colts in this game with everything that I have. I want the Colts to go to the Super Bowl and I want them to embarrass the Jets on the way there.


I want the Colts to win because I am a little jealous of the Jets. This season’s Jets are nearly a carbon copy of the 2001 Patriots; young QB in his first season as a starter, running game that gets the job done, defense that does it’s job and a coach that just looks smarter and smarter as the post season continues. Rex Ryan may be a hugely fat blowhard (and a crybaby), but you have to admit that his guys want to play for him. He put the championship parade on the post season schedule as if it was a foregone conclusion (even though his team was only 9-7 in the regular season) and you can put money on the fact that the Jets’ website selling AFC Champions shirts, hats, and hoodies before this week’s game was his idea too. Our coach may be a genius, but this guy sounds good, and his team seems to be responding to it.

I want the Colts to win because they are the better team. They challenged the Patriots 16-0 regular season record, but thought it more important to get ready for the playoffs and sat their starters for a game and a half which resulted in two losses (and you had better believe that I would be scratching my eyes out over this game if the Colts had won out because I wouldn’t want the Colts to go 19-0). The Colts got all of those breaks, and took advantage of them, that the Pats did in 2003-2004 when they were 28-4 in the regular season and won two titles.

He looks like a thumb.

But most of all I want the Colts to win because of Peyton Manning. It’s not because he is a great quarterback who needs a second title to validate him as the greatest ever, or because he is the head coach and the quarterback at the same time (I’m not sure if Jim Caldwell is a robot, or if he is dead and being manipulated Weekend at Bernie’s style, but he is definitely not the head coach of this team), but for a completely ridiculous reason. He’s hilarious. Every commercial he is in makes me laugh, from the famous “Cut that Meat” spot to the new Sony ones with Justin Timberlake. Two more weeks of the media being inundated with his commercials is definitely not a bad thing, and you know that there are some companies out there who have some good ones in the can for just this opportunity.

As for the other game, the decision between the Saints and Vikings is not nearly as hard. They re both very good teams, and they could both easily win this game but for the unaffiliated fan the choice of who to root for should be easy.

It’s hard to admit, but Brett Favre is kind of likable as a Viking. He does all the things that are needed to win, and (John Gruden’s monday night blow job notwithstanding) he seems to be having a blast doing it. We’d also get two more weeks of Jared Allen, who fills the Warren Sapp Memorial “Goofy Defensive Lineman” role and always has something going on. The big drawback is the possibility of this whole “pants on the floor” thing continuing (and don’t get me started on the least inspiring fight song ever) and then, win or lose, the fourth annual Brett Favre retirement drama, which would only be made harder by a Super Bowl appearance.

A Super Bowl is the least that the people of New Orleans deserve.

But really, how could you not pick the Saints? They are the heart and soul of the city of New Orleans ever since Katrina, and in a city which is still rebuilding in many ways, this would be the kind of uplifting event that could help everyone. Two weeks of heart warming, tear jerking stories of how the Saints refused to give up on their city would be better than two weeks of Favre, and Miami become New Orleans east is the perfect set up for hilarity, especially if Pac Man Jones makes an appearance.

The lines currently sit at Colts – 8.5 and Saints – 3.5. MVPork and I are taking the home teams and SMC has the visitors.

Go Sox.

25 Days until pitchers and catchers report.


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Artificial Turf: NFL Playoffs Continue… Sans Patriots

There are only two reasons to leave USC, NCAA Sanctions and Millions & Millions of dollars.

I’m still suffering some withdrawal symptoms form the Patriots loss, and my 5 day ban on Patriots talk is still in effect. Unfortunately even last night’s Scalabrine post went horribly askew. What we do have to entertain us is the situation at USC. Basically, Carroll is jumping ship before the NCAA sanctions leave USC bowl ineligible for the next 65 years. Pete Carroll should be excited about the move, in the NFL he will actually be allowed to pay his players.

That story should occupy us through today, today and tomorrow we have the McGwire story and that’ll carry us right into the pre-game coverage for the upcoming playoff week. Even though the Patriots aren’t a part of it, it’s generally regarded as the best week in football (not including the week in which your team wins the Super Bowl). We’ve got the 8 best teams in football all playing each other.

"Go fuck yourself."

Dallas/Vikings: HUGE quarterback matchup. The Cowboys have been riding sky-high and their pass rush might be operating at as high a level as any other team in football right now. Their running game is solid and they managed to win their first playoff game in their new home. That being said, I think they’re in for a let-down game. Brett Favre, who is rested and healthy and playing at home after the bye week and whom is having the best season of his career, simply has this one in the tank. All Day Adrian Peterson will run for 100 yards and 2 scores and Favre will light up 3 TDs and only cough it up once.

Cardinals/Saints: If the over under was six million, I’d take the over. Brees and Warner could both be good for 400+ yards. The winner of this game will be determined by the Yards After Catch stat. Which ever team’s receivers perform best will win the game.

Colts/Asshole Ravens: I never thought I would root for the Colts… what I really hope is for the Baltimore team plane crashes into the homes of each of the Colts players (and a little piece of engine shrapnel hits Eli’s house too)… But baring that act, I think the Colts will win at home against the Ravens.

Revis is exceptionally good.

Chargers/Jets: The effing Jets. Shit. I hate them and their fat asshole coach too. I think, unfortunately, that the Jets are the best suited to match up with the Bolts. The Chargers have lived on chuckin-it-deep… The Jets back 7 will limit Rivers’ ability to go deep and the Jets’ leading run offense is going to keep the ball away from the Chargers. We’re gonna end up rooting for the frickin Colts to get to the Super Bowl. Shit. Where the fuck are the Patriots. I hate them so much today.

More to come on the Patriots as they enter the offseason.

Happy Footballing, Sportsfans.


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Raise Your Hand If You Just Crapped Yourself on National TV.


23/42 154 3.7 2     3 49.1

At least the Celtics won.

39 days until pitchers and catchers report.

Go Sox.


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Articifial Turf: Hard to Get Excited About Patriots Against Ravens…

The Texans' cheerleaders have talent, talent.... get it? get it? Cuz they're twins!

Frankly, I’m a little deflated by the Patriots week 17 loss to the Texans, if you’re gonna have Brady playing all four quarters, you may as well have the decency to win the freaking football game. Now the 10-6 AFC East winners host the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday, a team the Pats handed their first loss of the season to in week 4. Wes Welker had 6 catches that day, after missing the two previous games with a twisted knee.

Well... Welker's done for the year.

In the category of best position players not being mentioned as possible MVP candidates, Wes Welker is on top of the list. He has a league leading 123 catches, has gone over 1300 yards receiving, has only played 3/4 of a season and has become the focal point of the Patriots offense. He is currently out for the rest of eternity with a torn MCL and a torn ACL, an injury that occurred in the first half of last Sunday’s game against the Texans. Ouch.

Most unfortunately, it was a non-contact injury caused by one of the worst fields in the NFL that had just hosted a crappy college bowl game between Navy and Missouri. Their field is basically a lot of rectangular plates of grass that can be moved in and out of the Stadium itself, apparently, Belichick had some words about it for WEEI:

Belichick's new T Shirt

“The turf down there is terrible,” Belichick said. “It’s terrible. It’s just inconsistent. It’s all the little trays of grass, and some of them are soft and some of them are firm and they don’t all fit well together, those seams. Some of it feels like a sponge, some of it feels real firm and hard. One step you’re on one, the other step you’re on another. I really think it’s one of the worst fields I’ve seen.”

So there, Houston: Eff You and your crappy field.

Nice guys finish last.

All this being the case, the Patriots now look to the playoffs without their most productive offensive player, only a decent running game, no shut-down corner, no fire-breathing pass rusher, and an all around unexciting chance of winning the big one in Miami, the city where class goes to die.

As far as calling the game, I’m flip-flopping. On one hand, the Ravens have a better running game and a better defense, on the other hand I just can’t bring myself to think Brady and Belichick will lose in the first round of the playoffs.

More to come on the issue.

StartMattCassel, 2008 & 2009 NFL Gambling Champion and Master of Picks


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Artificial Turf: Patriots Feeling Especially Randy

Feeling the love, baby.

One thing was clear when Coach Bill and QB Tom came to the public defense of Randy Moss: We need him. And yesterday, we got him. Moss contributed 3 TD scores on 4 receptions in the Patriots 35-7 romping of the Jax Jags. 13 of Brady’s 23 completions on 26 attempts went to Mr. Welker (who is crushing the league in receptions) and the good guys ran the ball by committee for 197 yards, led by Slammin Sammy Morris with 95 yards and a Six.

So my formula seems to be working: Rush for over 100, score more than 24, and protect the football. (Not a very original formula… but it sure does get the j-o-b done.)

The boys in blue are gearing up for their January run. Last year proved that all you need is a spark to push through the playoffs and the Pats are doing their best Cardinals impersonation as they look ahead. The best part about yesterday’s whoopin was the sideline attitude, they looked loose, and that’s what we need.

A man on a mission.

What we need to remember about Moss, getting back to the ordeal the national media made out of his 2 off-games, is that Randy Moss is only upset by one thing: losing. If you look back at the griping pattern of Randy’s career, it happens when he feels like the team isn’t doing all they can to win ball games… so of course he was a pain in the ass when he played for the Raiders. And frankly, when you compare our prima donna to the rest of the league’s Number 1 wide outs, Randy’s the one we want.

Cry your eyes out, cuz ya suck.

Another thing worth noting about yesterday’s events was the mail-it-in performance the sissy ponies (Colts) put up against the Jets. With no more unbeaten teams in the NFL, it sure does look from my seat like the Peytons had a chance to take a 25 game winning streak into the playoffs and now risk riding a 2 game losing streak and a bye week into January. It is thoroughly beyond my comprehension how you can tell a bunch of paid-professional competitors to just ease up and take lumps.

That's the game face we're lookin for... fa'sho!

So we start looking ahead… the AFC has 5 teams in the 8-7 club and through some incredibly complicated formula… it seems like any one of them may be a guest in Foxboro fo the wild card round. Currently, I’m optimistic, although being a New England fan, that may change 27 seconds from now.

I simply can’t bring myself to believe that the Bill/Brady combo can lose in the 1st round of the playoffs. We beat the Texans next week, we beat our first round opponent in the playoffs, and the poop-talking will begin again. That I can promise you. The Jets are in a win-and-you’re-in situation… and oh boy, I’d love to stuff it down their throats next month.

Go Pats.


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Merry Christmas From The Ballpark

This is what Santa looks like when he is wasted and doing karaoke with the elves.

Tonight the NFL is unveiling “Thursday Night Football: Friday Night Special” and in the spirit of the season, we are all picking the Titans -2.5 to give the Patriots one more shot at getting the bye by beating the Chargers. The C’s are also playing the Magic today so you all have something to do before chinese food and movies tonight.

A holiday best to all of you and yours. Enjoy the day and don’t forget that you can email us presents at MyBallpark@gmail.com all year. By the way, Jesus was born in late July.

Go Sox.

55 Days.


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