Tag Archives: NFL Draft

Broncos Make Deal With Devil

Broncos trade up to 24, McDaniels selects Tim Tebow.

Jesus Christ: Not pictured here.


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Artificial Turf: 2010 NFL DRAFT EDITION; “Dolphins keeping up with the Jets,” Patriots in Deep Purgatoric Catatonisism.

This Fat Bitch has made his team a lot better.

As our divisional foes south and southerer of us continue acquiring pieces to their generally bettering puzzles, the Patriots remain mum in the free agent market. In New York, aging HOF fixtures Jason Taylor and LaDainian Tomlinson have been RexBeaten into Manhattan (their an effing team from New Jersey, why is nobody else offended by their ‘NY’ headline) and Miami has added Brandon Marshall in a deal with Denver (Marshall is like… crazy good.)

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. Just don't f#$%ing trade down.

But alas… the rust continues to build on the once prolific 2007 Patriots offense and the skills of the defensive additions continue to ebb and flow… lots wells, not enough swells. We did add Torry Holt to the receiving corps… The now 33 year old pulled in 51 balls in Jacksonville last year for 722 yards.

Tonight, finally, is the NFL Draft, the most exciting and most entertaining Professional draft. I love the new format and as we look ahead to tonight and tomorrow night in particular, I’ll be paying excruciating attention to Patriots picks… because we really need some Blue Chippers.

Belichick loves this guy. No Homo.

The Pats have the most picks in the AFC; enough to bring in an entire side of the ball, plus a kicker. (Twelve picks.) The 22nd overall and then three more in the 2nd round. No 3rd rounders but we have another surge of picks, seven, in the 6th & 7th round. Generally this wouldn’t mean squat, but even with the suck bags the Patriots have blown high picks on during the Belichickian Era, they are SNIPERS with their late round picks, Alla Julian Edelman… and Tom Baby Making Brady.

The Patriots last 5 First Rounders have been (off the top of my head… so in no particular order): Mankins, Maroney, Marriweather… Watson… and… Mayo. Mayo, Mankins and Merriweather are pretty freakin good, not to mention Big Vince Wilfork in 2004.

We need lots of those. And keep in perspective, as you watch tonight’s draft: This draft is waaaaaay deep. Almost every prospect slated to go in this year’s second round would have been solid late First Rounders last year. And we have 3 picks tomorrow night. So pay attention.


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Artificial Turf: More on the Kids

Just so we’re clear, SMC’s Patriots Draft Grade: B+. Nut Riding Mel Kiper’s Patriots Draft Grade: B+. Thank you for reading Mel.

Here are links to all of our draft picks’ scouting reports:

Pick 34: P. Chung, S – Born in Jamaica

Pick 40: R. Brace, DT – Went to Boston College, very well spoken according to Pro-Day interviews

Pick 41: D. Butler, CB – 2 Year Capt. at UConn

Pick 53: S. Volmer, OT – Spoke almost no English when he arrived at Houston, Majored in Communications

Pick 83: B. Tate, WR – Smokes pot

Pick 97: T. McKenzie, OLB – All heart, great motor

Pick 123: R. Ohrnberger, G – Starter-like-talent two seasons down the road

Pick 170: G. Bussey, OT – Initial walk on who earned a scholarship

Pick 198: J. Ingram, LS – Best Long Snapper in the Draft

Pick 207: M. Pryor, DT – 2nd team All-SEC in 2008

Pick 232: J. Edelman, QB – Fast QB

Pick 234: D. Richard, DT – All Academic Honors


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Artificial Turf: The NFL Draft, Reviewed, for Those of Us With ADD

"You really doubted me?"

"You really doubted me?"

Remember that head-slapping “Oh ya” moment I was looking for when we unloaded Cassel and Vrabel for a second rounder? Well it happend when we wound up with 13 picks in a 7 round draft full of late going value picks. The Patriots ended the weekend with 8 new faces and have already set themselves up with 3 second round draft picks in 2010, including the Jaguars’ and Titans’ selections. (Of the 44 draft-day trades trades including picks for next year made in the entire NFL since Bill took over in New England, The patriots have made 25% of them.) Bill unloaded Ellis Pussy Fu%&bag Hobbs the Third, who I just didn’t hate as a player, but in real life too, and has now given Philly both of our corners to hate. Bill took a couple gambles on players that we have to assume will work out, given the sources. Here’s a look at the players who matter.

Patrick Chung preparing to introduce himself to a defenseless reciever.

Patrick Chung preparing to introduce himself to a defenseless reciever.

Day One: (23rd pick traded for 26th & a 5th rounder. Matt Cassel was a 7th rounder, and Brady was a 6th rounder. Cassel turned into a 2nd round pick and Brady is the best QB ever. So yes, that matters. Then, We traded the 26th pick for three more picks. Suck on that, every other team.)

Pick 34: With the Patriot’s first utilized pick in 2009, we took Safety, Patrick Chung from Oregon. I know nothing about him. I thought we were going O Line, I was caught completely off guard. What I’ve ascertained is that Chung is an enforcer, which is exciting, because Harrison is probably out. Chung has some coverage problems, but he’s built like a Bob Sanders at 5’11, 215lbs and runs a 4.5 40. (Unfortunately you can’t do steroids anymore).

Pick 40: RUN STUFFER. Ron Brace, a defensive tackle from BC is going to fit in nicely and will play in games right away to spell Wilfork in the middle of the 3-4. Brace is a mere 6’3”, 330lbs.

Has there ever been a guy named Darius who couldn't play? Nope.

Has there ever been a guy named Darius who couldn't play? Nope.

Pick 41: Cornerback. One Bill has been tracking for a while. Two year team captian, UCONN’s Darius Butler. We now have a zillion number 2/3 cornerbacks; Wilhite, Wheatley, Springs, and now Butler. I’m looking forward to see who steps it up. And they’re all under 5’11”.

Pick 58: Sebastian Vollmer. A big MO FO. 6’7”, 315ish. He started as a TE and moved to tackle. Doesn’t have what it takes to play the left side in the pros, but the scouts say he’s a good developmental pick for the right side of the line. Will add some good size and depth.


Day Two: The always exciting 3rd round.

Pick 83: Pot Smoking, ACL Tearing, Round One Talent, with Round 5 Problems. UNC WR Brandon Tate, who tested positive for Marijuana at the Combine, is said to be the best return man in draft and can fly from the wide-out spot. The 6 foot, 180 pounder needs to get bigger and healthier, but could be a future impact player given the system.

"My cock is this big."

"My cock is this big."

Pick 97: Tyrone McKenzie. OLB from South Florida, Iowa State and Michigan State. Tyrone has the kind of story that makes good players. During his college career, he put his game on hold to move home and aid his ailing mother by working the overnight shift at a motel and training during the day. He’s smart, articulate, and loves football. Above anything else, he is loyal. Bill loves this guy.

Pick 123: Rich Ohrnberger. Guard from Penn State. I like this kid. I think he’ll be a starter in a few years and the scouts agree. His technique is great, he’s smart, and he can block.

Pick 170: Doesn’t Matter.

Pick 198: Jake Ingrim. Our new Long Snapper from Hawaii.

Pick 207: Doesn’t matter.

My New Favorite Meathead.

My New Favorite Meathead.

Pick 232: Remember this pick. The 7th Rounder we got from the Jaguars. The Pats took this kid named Julian Edelman. The former Kent State QB is 6’0”, 200lbs and runs a 4.5 40. He’s a legitimate possibility to be taken onto the team and run 25-50 wildcat formation plays this season.

Pick 234: Doesn’t Matter.


(gotta wait 3 years to judge the day 2 selections)



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