Tag Archives: Peyton Manning

Sex Addicts Anonymous: Super Bowl Champs Edition

Steve Phillips: In the Strange.

Second things first: I just turned on ESPN to see a clip of Baseball Analyst Steve Phillips explain that he just got out of the same Mississippi Sex Clinic as Tiger and tell us all about the first step, “that he is powerless over his disease and his life became unmanageable.” I mean… come on. Anyone who is familiar with last call and the end of a Johnny Walker bottle has found themselves powerless over their life. Does this make us all sex addicts? No. No it doesn’t. It means that when Steve Phillips makes it rain at C Folds he doesn’t just stop at the “Light Touching Mezzanine,” he goes straight to the Champagne room where all the rumors are true.

And another thing (Sports Center is still on…) Is Dana Jacobson the real Sasquatch? Seriously… she’s a monster. She could have played the tall one from Deuce Bigalow.

But I digest…

This is not a funny picture or caption.

Eff you Colts, Eff you Jim Caldwell, Eff you Peyton Manning and Eff you Indianapolis. Watching the Saints win the Super Bowl was just perfect. Though it was a soft year in commercials, I personally supplemented my normal commercial watching routine with an abnormal excess of eating and drinking.

To be completely honest with you the reader, (I’m watching you), I didn’t watch a ton of the game. I was immediately defeated by the 10-0 Colts burst to begin the game and may have had one to many comforting libations,  and with every second of tedium that ticked by while The Who played their old white guy medley, Freeney’s shredded Schilling ankle got tighter and tighter to the point that it was simply unusable in the second half. As the 3rd Q progressed, the Saints were simply more and more dominant.

Go Nuts, World. We are gonna party.

The most exciting moment of the game for me was Tracy Porter’s INT. He was just so clearly prepared for that play and might as well have been inside the heads (and bodies) of Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne. As Porter sprinted towards the endzone, 6 points in-hand, and pointed to the stands as the flash bulbs went crazy, this chemical reaction happened and everyone in my living room went crazy.

Warren Sapp, in fact, celebrated by posting bail on charges that he choked a hooker. True Story.

There were no more holdouts after that, from that moment forward, the entire country knew the right team was winning. There’s something inside all of us that wants to be a Saints fan. The combination of values and partying that the Saints stand for simply inspires us as fun loving Americans.

The image of Super Bowl Champion and MVP Drew Brees standing on the podium with his son raised above his head as the confetti and cheers rained down on both of them is the sports moment of eternity and New Orleans should be not only INCREDIBLY hung over, but very proud of their team. It wasn’t cheesy, it was awesome.

Go New Orleans and Go Drew Brees.

And Go Katfish.


The Best.



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Because This is Gonna Be The Biggest Party Ever……

I’m taking the Saints to win. SML (StartMattLeinart) and MVPork are taking the Colts to crush the hopes of a region that nobody can really hate. Unless your name is Manning, or you are from Indianapolis, you’ve gotta be pulling for the Saints (even if you think they’ll lose by two touchdowns).

Go Saints.

11 days.


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No Matter To Whom You Are Praying, Pray for the Colts to Beat the Jets.

(I love grammatically correct headlines)

I’m sure as hell not the first person to say this, and I won’t be the last, but how the hell could this happen? In a worst case scenario for Patriots fans, the Colts and Jets are squaring off for the AFC title. The Colts are really really good. They were 14-0 and only lost their last two regular season games because they pulled all of their starters. They have the best Head Coach/Starting Quarterback combo in the world in Peyton Manning and Peyton Manning. They belong in the AFC title game. The Jets on the other hand are so purely hateable that it is ridiculous. Their coach is the spawn of a man who once punched his own team’s offensive coordinator on the sidelines. They run the ball and play defense and only won nine regular season games (the last two of which were mostly because the other team gave up to rest for the playoffs). They’re from freaking New York.

I don’t want to have to say this too many times, and It kind of hurts to do so, but I am pulling for the Colts in this game with everything that I have. I want the Colts to go to the Super Bowl and I want them to embarrass the Jets on the way there.


I want the Colts to win because I am a little jealous of the Jets. This season’s Jets are nearly a carbon copy of the 2001 Patriots; young QB in his first season as a starter, running game that gets the job done, defense that does it’s job and a coach that just looks smarter and smarter as the post season continues. Rex Ryan may be a hugely fat blowhard (and a crybaby), but you have to admit that his guys want to play for him. He put the championship parade on the post season schedule as if it was a foregone conclusion (even though his team was only 9-7 in the regular season) and you can put money on the fact that the Jets’ website selling AFC Champions shirts, hats, and hoodies before this week’s game was his idea too. Our coach may be a genius, but this guy sounds good, and his team seems to be responding to it.

I want the Colts to win because they are the better team. They challenged the Patriots 16-0 regular season record, but thought it more important to get ready for the playoffs and sat their starters for a game and a half which resulted in two losses (and you had better believe that I would be scratching my eyes out over this game if the Colts had won out because I wouldn’t want the Colts to go 19-0). The Colts got all of those breaks, and took advantage of them, that the Pats did in 2003-2004 when they were 28-4 in the regular season and won two titles.

He looks like a thumb.

But most of all I want the Colts to win because of Peyton Manning. It’s not because he is a great quarterback who needs a second title to validate him as the greatest ever, or because he is the head coach and the quarterback at the same time (I’m not sure if Jim Caldwell is a robot, or if he is dead and being manipulated Weekend at Bernie’s style, but he is definitely not the head coach of this team), but for a completely ridiculous reason. He’s hilarious. Every commercial he is in makes me laugh, from the famous “Cut that Meat” spot to the new Sony ones with Justin Timberlake. Two more weeks of the media being inundated with his commercials is definitely not a bad thing, and you know that there are some companies out there who have some good ones in the can for just this opportunity.

As for the other game, the decision between the Saints and Vikings is not nearly as hard. They re both very good teams, and they could both easily win this game but for the unaffiliated fan the choice of who to root for should be easy.

It’s hard to admit, but Brett Favre is kind of likable as a Viking. He does all the things that are needed to win, and (John Gruden’s monday night blow job notwithstanding) he seems to be having a blast doing it. We’d also get two more weeks of Jared Allen, who fills the Warren Sapp Memorial “Goofy Defensive Lineman” role and always has something going on. The big drawback is the possibility of this whole “pants on the floor” thing continuing (and don’t get me started on the least inspiring fight song ever) and then, win or lose, the fourth annual Brett Favre retirement drama, which would only be made harder by a Super Bowl appearance.

A Super Bowl is the least that the people of New Orleans deserve.

But really, how could you not pick the Saints? They are the heart and soul of the city of New Orleans ever since Katrina, and in a city which is still rebuilding in many ways, this would be the kind of uplifting event that could help everyone. Two weeks of heart warming, tear jerking stories of how the Saints refused to give up on their city would be better than two weeks of Favre, and Miami become New Orleans east is the perfect set up for hilarity, especially if Pac Man Jones makes an appearance.

The lines currently sit at Colts – 8.5 and Saints – 3.5. MVPork and I are taking the home teams and SMC has the visitors.

Go Sox.

25 Days until pitchers and catchers report.


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Nothing Happened Today. Nothing.

At least I have Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake to entertain me.

More on why I’m not just picking the Colts, I’m praying for them to win, tomorrow.

Go Sox.

27 Days.


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Thursday Night Lights: Indy vs. Jax

Indy   -3   At Jax

Done: Jax

SMC: Indy

MVPork: Indy

Laser-rocket arm.

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The U.S. Navy’s Official Opinion on Peyton Manning.


'Nuff 'Ced.

The entirety of New England agrees with this sailor today. Manning probably liked it.

Go Pats, Go Sox.

90 Days.



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Artificial Turf: Colts Make Pats Eat Turf, Pride

Just a foot too short. Faulk must not have seen the yellow line.

The game wasn’t lost on the 4th and too short completion to Kevin Faulk as the clock ticked towards the two minute warning last night. Whether or not we broke our televisions shortly thereafter, from a coaching perspective, I stand behind the decision to go for it on that down & scenario and if you didn’t, you’re too thin skinned for the NFL.

The Colts were going to score from wherever on the field they got their last possession, so it was imperative to either keep the ball through the end of the game or work it down for a field goal to make it a 9 point game. We have Tom Brady and they have Peyton Manning. The decision was, keep the game in Tom’s hands, don’t put it in Manning’s. And Tom Brady, with the game on the line, in a must-have 2 yard situation with 5 WRs… I like our odds. The problem with odds… are the long shots. Freaking Faulk who played great up to that point didn’t run far enough, Brady rushed the throw, the press coverage was perfect and we turned the ball over on a non-reviewable play because we were out of time outs, we got a questionable spot and there was just nothing we could do.

Well shit.

And would someone please shadow the coverage on Reggie Wayne!?!? Man I hate Wilhite today.

I would rather be dancing now than then.

If you want to hear about any upside… like Moss’s 179 yard/ 2TD performance, Edelman’s return to the lineup with a score, Welker’s 9 catch / 94 yard day or how rookie tackle Sebastien Vollmer made Dwight Freeney his bitch and held him to straight zeros on the stat sheet, you’re gonna have to wait till later in the week. I would also like to address the fact that Moss, Green-Ellis and Wes Welker have all gone full-pirate. Seriously, look at Moss’s beard, Green-Ellis’s leather scullrag… personally, I think Edelman needs to join in on it. But I’m gonna wait till I’m less pissed at everybody to talk about something funny.

But we're not dancing. We're dejected losers.

The fact is, we won the game, and then effectively made the statement: we aren’t ready for this win. The Colts were. It just kept feeling… even in the first half, alla 2006, like tha game wasn’t over. They were a better team last night. A F you, NBC for when you gave the magazine cover montage of Brady and Manning you used a bunch of gay magazine covers for Brady and a bunch of sports illustrated covers for Manning. (And I mean ‘gay’ like Details Magazine photo spread with your shirt off, not like homosexual). Just so we’re clear, Brady has been on 9 Sports Illustrated Covers. So go Screw, NBC… tryin to make my boy look like a Mary and Peyton The Thumb Manning look like a football star…

The only thing that will make this feel better is pounding the Jets into the ground next weekend. And then by beating the Saints. If we don’t do those two very important things, we risk this game being the defining moment of the season.

Well shit.


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