Tag Archives: Steroids

From the No Sh*t Department: Mark McGwire Admits to Steroids.

Holy god in heaven. Mark McGwire used steroids? Really? I’d have never pegged him for a guy that would use steroids. I mean he only spent four years hitting home runs every 8.1 at bats (ridiculous).

Did I get that out of the way well enough? Monday, when McGwire (a guy who I always liked because he saved baseball from becoming what hockey is now) issued a statement admitting to have used steroids for most of his sixteen year major league career, it seemed like the whole world (of baseball) stopped holding it’s breath. Finally, one of those guys, the ones who steadfastly refused to admit to what we all knew, had come clean.

Yeah, and anyone who doubted that this was true before is an idiot. The man went from plain old big to “looks like a shaved bear” big in the course of a few years while he was missing 228 games due to injury (which were probably caused by the steroids in the first place), and started hitting home runs at a pace faster than anyone in baseball history, even Babe “I did it on Hot Dogs and Beer” Ruth. McGwire claims that he did the steroids to bounce back from these injuries and not to boost his ability, but for him to actually believe that is just as embarrassing as his performance in front of Congress in March of 2005. That the drugs made him into a Hall of Fame caliber player (in the numbers at least), from a relatively normal power hitter, does not seem to enter his mind, and he believes that he would have hit the 70 home runs in 1998.

Mark McGwire may have made his mistakes in his career, and when appearing in front of Congress in 2005 (which may or may not have been due to some really f#$%ing bad advice from lawyers), but that does not mean he is a bad person. From all reports over the past few days (and it did take me a few days to decide which way I was leaning on this), it seems that McGwire is genuinely sorry. He has called the Maris family, which was such a big part of that 1998 home run chase, as well as Bud Selig, Tony LaRussa and others to give his apologies (though if he really wasn’t helped by the steroids in breaking all of those records, one must wonder what he is apologizing for) and truly seems contrite. He knew he would have to do this because he is making his return to the game, as the Cardinals new hitting coach, and was making a preemptive strike to clear the air before Spring Training.

No seriously, that's actually what McGwire and Canseco looked like 22 years ago.

I remember worshiping McGwire and his butt buddy (who claims that he injected him) Jose Canseco in the late 80’s and early 90’s, even when they were beating the Sox in the ALCS. They were cool, they hit massive home runs, and they won championships, whats not to like. Then, as Canseco made his way through Texas and Boston, McGwire seemed to disappear, spending those five seasons on and off the DL. Then came the apocalypse, 1994, the World Series was cancelled, replacement players were one Sonia Sotomayor decision from taking the field, and even so, the game was pushed back to the point where baseball was a second class citizen in American sports.

The Real Reason Guys Do Steroids.

There are many different people who helped to bring us back to where we (in baseball) are today. There was Cal Ripken, whose 1995 breaking of Lou Gehrig’s consecutive games streak captivated the country, and the Yankees rise back to prominence (yeah, I hate them too, but it really did help) that started to bring us back, but it was the summer of ’98 that really did it. Baseball became appointment viewing, single at bats in games that we didn’t care about kept us on the edge of our seats, and, for me at least, September 8, 1998 at about 8:00 pm will always be one of those “where were you when you heard” moments. For that, and for the great, though still flawed game that we have today I will always thank Mark McGwire.

For me, this is the start of the final chapter in a sad story. The “steroid era” is over, and those guys who played their careers during it’s height and were clean hate the term and don’t deserve to be attached to it. Mark McGwire has come clean, and his chances of ever making the Hall of Fame are going down the tubes. He is not like Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds, who would have been in even before the drugs, but his admission is like Pete Rose’s a few years back, something we all knew was true but needed to be admitted.

Spring Training is 36 days away, and for the first time in a while, Mark McGwire is looking forward to another season in the sun, not back to mistakes that can’t be changed. I say we let him relax and just be a coach.

Go Sox.

36 Days.


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Big Papi did Steroids, But it’s Cool. Seriously.

Not exactly roid rage.

Not exactly roid rage.

So out it came. Juicin. ’04, ’07, Manny, Papi. Without question, if they aren’t in Boston those years, we get no hardware.

It’s really important to begin with that statement so that people know I’m still sane… but honestly, Papi did steroids, and I’m cool with it. We all knew it already, kinda, when it took him a zillion plus games to hit his first dinger this year, and even if that wasn’t a direct result of him stopping when ever he did, it was enough to introduce the suspicion and condemn him subconsciously… the irony of course being that we were all right.

But I’m not givin’ back squat. I’m keeping my World Series trophies and I’m still rooting for Big Papi. Sure, if he was a Yankee, or Manny, or a pre-existing a-hole (or Rod), then ya, I’d freakin’ hate him… but he isn’t. He’s a guy that has been universally loved by every member of the Nation and he and his wife Tiffany have been model community citizens. Big Papi is good for Boston and for baseball. Barry Bonds was a pre-existing a-hole and A-Rod is so despicable that the best thing we could say about him was “at least he isn’t Bonds.” (Now we can just hate them both regardless… which is nice.)

It's Cool.

I’m cool with Papi because his equation still checks out. Whether or not you are one of the greats is a formula. Clemens was an a-hole (negative), but he was a dominating pitcher who mastered the mound (double positive). Clemens’ equation before steroids checked out because even though he was an a-hole, he was also The Rocket. Introduce steroids and he’s just some a-hole on drugs, his equation got thrown all out of wack.

Papi is a model citizen, involved with philanthropy and community, has a local business and a charming smile, helped bring 2 World Series trophies to Boston, blasted countless bombs on to Landsdowne Street and beyond, put smiles on the faces of MILLIONS of people and… ya, he juiced some. In an era when almost everyone was doin’ it (please not you, Griffey… please), pitchers and hitters alike, Papi Juiced. And when I look at everything he’s meant to the Sox, I’m square with it.

So go screw, Yankees fans; when you do it it’s cheating, when we do it, it’s just tryin’ harder. And ya, I actually feel that way.



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Piss Like the Pros!

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Am I Evil For Taking So Much Pleasure in A-Rod’s Hip Injury?

The Curse of A-RodAfter watching eleven hours of coverage of Alex Rodriguez’s hip injury (and suffering the indignity of having The Curly Haired Boyfriend use the same rhyme as I did), I just can’t get this smile off of my face.

I know, he hasn’t gone in for the surgery, but watching them talk about that douchebag suffering the same injury that forced Mike Lowell to miss most of the playoffs (and that is one of the chief reasons that the Sox missed out on the Series last year), and has Chase Utley out for the first two months of the season, makes me happier every time I think about it. At the moment the prognosis for his recovery from a torn labrum in his hip ranges anywhere from missing two weeks if his rehab and rest goes well, to four or more months if he opts for surgery. Some are saying that he might “Chase Utley” his way through the season (Utley powered through the season with the injury and won the Series for the Phillies), but we all know that most infants are tougher than A-Rod, and he wouldn’t make it three weeks with the type of pain that Utley and Lowell suffered. Even if he tries to gut it out, he’ll feel it every time he swings, moves to field a ground ball or attempts to run the bases.

I always thought Douche-Rod was the bottom.

I always thought Douche-Rod was the bottom.

The part that really excites me is the impact it will have on the Yankees (and therefore the Red Sox) if he misses significant time. With all the pressure of their big contracts, and missing the best run producer in their lineup, CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett will find themselves responsible for keeping their team in games more often. Mark “My wife has a bigger dick than I do” Teixeira will become the focal point of a lineup that is aging quickly and scored three runs or less 73 times last season. He is a slow starter historically (.251 career AVG in April), is missing his best protection in the lineup and just signed an 8 year, $180 million contract in a city where people do not pay $810,000 for an opening day ticket to see you lose. Teixeira will be expected to carry guys like Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter (no matter how much you respect the guy you have to admit that him starting over Jimmie Rollins in the WBC is reedickyoulous), and Jorge Posada without A-Roid in the lineup and has never faced this kind of pressure. 

Not the Vancome Lady

On the flip side, without Douche-Rod (lets see how many insulting names for him I can use in one column) manning the hot corner, the Yanks have such luminaries as Cody Ransom or Angel Berroa (former AL Rookie of the Year) lined up to take the spot. This will not do for them if that replacement has to be there for the 4-5 months it would take for him to come back from surgery. The trading partners, on the other hand, would know that the Yanks are desperate, and force them to give up some high value prospects in a league where building from within is the new trend. Also, two of the most attractive options, Melvin Mora and Scott Rolen, are in the same division and would be very hard to get. Garret Atkins of the Rockies and the Mariners’ Adrian Beltre are also options, but both would be pricey in terms of prospects and addtions to the salary (but hey, for $2500 a seat on a normal game, im pretty sure Hank and Hal can afford it). 

Nobody knows at this point what is going to happen (except Yuri Sucart) but it seems that the Karma train is getting ready to hit The Biggest Douche in the Universe and his steroid using teammates ludicrously (yes, I went the plaid) hard. Either way, his removal from the lineup makes the Yankees worse, lightens up the load in one of the best divisions ever seen in baseball and makes it easier for the Red Sox to embarrass them more than they already have themselves. It makes me happy and if I’m evil because of that then I really don’t care.

Go Sox.


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Blue Lips, Bad Hips: Douche Roid Out 10 Weeks.

As reported by ESPNDeportes (the best source for news on Alex Rodriguez), the blue lipped steroid user known as A-Rod will now be sidelined for at least 10 weeks with hip surgery. This is according to his brother, not our boy Yuri, who has a way he can make it heal. He’ll just get it over the counter in the Dominican. Now, I watch a lot of “My Name Is Earl” and I can tell you that karma can be a bitch. Giambi dhad vision problems, Bonds is going to jail, Clemens has herpes, and now the Biggest Douche in the Universe (this year’s winner, John Edward won a few years ago) is going down until mid-May at the earliest. The best part of ESPN.com’s report on this was this simple line: “The Yankees are 20-23 in the 43 games Rodriguez has missed since he joined the team in 2004.” Ten weeks is a minimum that he will be out for. This is going to make the new stadium opening much more fun. 

This post on GetOutofMyBallpark.com brought to you by:

HMMMMMM......... I see a lot of Yankees caps.

Go Sox.



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Alex Rodriguez’ Pants Are Flaming (and his lips are blue).

No, those aren’t just jokes about Douche-Rod’s gay wardrobe, because it looks like Al Franken has a new chapter for his book.  ESPN.com is reporting this morning (more likely last night but good beer makes you miss things) that Primobolan, or Bole, or Boli, (or The Other Stuff that Yuri Sucart Injected into A-Rod’s ass) was never available over the counter in the Dominican. 


Dr. Pia Veras, who oversees the regulatory agency, told ESPNdeportes.com that Primobolan is known as “boli” in the streets of Dominican Republic, and was not legal for purchase during the aforementioned years.

“What Alex Rodriguez stated at the press conference [in Tampa] doesn’t make sense,” Veras said. “It is important for us to clarify that such substance has not been registered and is not currently registered for legal sale in Dominican pharmacies — not now and the same applies for the years 2001 to 2003.”

The article goes on to say that Boli is available in the underground markets of the Dominican Republic or over the internet. Apparently it was the kind of thing that you had to go looking for, and therefore had to know exactly what it was (it’s also really expensive). When you combine this lie with the fact that he believes 27 is still too young to know right from wrong and his fake emotion when it came time to address his teammates, everything he said comes into question. I wonder if Yuri Sucart can add any insight……. Hmmmmmm?

If you just heard a flushing sound that was Douche-Rod’s legacy, credibility and fan base going down the toilet. 


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You Can’t Bullshit a Bullshiter.

Alex Rodriguez struggled to find the right words at points in todays press conference.

Alex Rodriguez struggled to find the right words at points in today's press conference.

I looked at my phone yesterday at 2:07pm. I had just finished a lunchtime workout and was going over some calculations in my head in preparation for a god awful 3 hours of micro economics this evening. I was thinking about efficiency regarding utils of labor resources put into making a product verses the actual production, which seems to be unsolvable when it comes to steroid’s actual effect on baseball… but I digest.

I had three texts, from my dad, cousin and roommate, about what a douchebag A-Rod is so I realized the press conference was on and rolling. I flipped on the TV, ESPN of course although several other news stations were covering the story as well, and I saw 100’s of people out for more public crucifixion of Alex Rodriguez. Though A-Rod has pretty much gone about this the right way from a PR standpoint (after a lifetime of bonehead PR moves), there is a whole lot of pent up anger for a guy who, will albeit become the next HR King*, hasn’t done much (or anything) by way of championships and clutch play. He’s not a scary opposition, talented as he may be.

Pete Rose... doesnt seem so bad anymore... but this picture should keep him banned from baseball.

Pete Rose... doesn't seem so bad anymore... but this picture should keep him banned from baseball.

I think the baseball fan’s intuition towards sniffing out a liar or a phony is stronger than one may think, and the sense has been heightened and bittered by Pete Rose and the last 3 years of baseball “cleaning itself up.” And let me tell you, from this Baseball Fan to another, A-Rod is still full of shit.

At times, I found Mr. Rod’s remarks to be thoughtful and unscripted. He held off tears at times and fumbled a few catch phrases… He blames only himself and is the only major athlete of his stature to ever address performance enhancing drugs (and taking them) as an active player. But in general, it is clear that he knows more than he’s telling us and his contradictions speak volumes.

1st of all, the Gene Orza timeline and actions contradict one another from the Gammons interview to yesterday’s press conference. To Gams, Rodriguez had no contact or conversation regarding the testing and being tipped off. Yesterday we were told differently and that makes me think he’s not telling the whole truth about Orza’s involvement. Minute as this detail may be, it is a lie.

Secondly, to Gams, A-Rod skirted the issue of procurement ENTIRELY, and he got off the hook for it. (Gammons should have gone after him more on this issue but it wasn’t that kind of interview and Gammons is too respectful to be that kind of interviewer… which is how ESPN scored the first exclusive response and A-Rod’s camp agreed to it). Just in the nick of time, A-Rod now has a response to this: He got it from his “stupid… and ignorant” cousin in the Dominican where Alex would go to train and play off-season ball. This was a very popular move at the time, explained Buster Olney on ESPN after the conference; the players that went to the DR to train, of which there were many, were known to have a clear edge over other players because you could get many banned and illegal substances over the counter. I’d love to know the incentives Cousin Rod is getting out of this. He’s probably moved into the same gated community as Ty Law’s Cousin, right next to the “friend” Michael Irvin found his crack pipe with.

Bud Selig is set for his upcoming debut on Tool Academy.

Bud Selig is set for his upcoming debut on Tool Academy.

This was not an uncommon way to get steroids. And A-Rod reinforced to Gammons about 4 times that the culture was very “Lossy-Goosey.” Yet yesterday he was ADAMANT that he NEVER saw or heard of any other ball player …on a team entrenched in steroid abuse and culture, the Texas Rangers… using steroids. Players during Alex’s tenure alone include Rafael Palmeiro, John Rocker, Juan Gonzalez and Pudge Rodriguez. (Gabe Kapler was there too… but no matter what he did, he’s cool.)

I am familiar with lies. We have all told them, big and small, and if there is anything that we can all agree on about a lie is that it is about a million times harder to explain than the truth. Each lie that A-Rod tells (even though he IS giving us a lot of truths by lacing them into the lies) must be supported by a network of more obscure lies.

The True Home Run King

The True HR King

Alex Rodriguez is full of shit and the people hate him for it. He’s getting backlogged anger for not ever producing in the clutch, never winning a ring and making bazillions of dollars. He is a douchebag. Yet, he held us hostage as fans because everyone thought that Bonds was a bigger douchebag and A-Rod was supposed to be the guy that cleaned up the records. And here we are again… back to Conseco being right… again, and Selig being an absolute wuss about the whole mess. Unfortunately, the only person that seems to be aggressively pursuing the truth is Jose Effing Canseco!

We can argue about this later… but while Canseco may not deserve to be IN the Hall of Fame… one could make the argument that no person has changed the game more.

The Home Run King is Hank Aaron and I want Griffey to be clean in the worst way.



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