Tag Archives: Yankees Suck

You can almost taste it; Opening ‘Day’ nearly upon us

I'm also really excited.

Like a distant tide, you can almost smell baseball season. And no,  not in the haven’t-washed-my-jock-since-last-spring kind of smell. It’s like an invisible energy that fills the city every early April. The texts start going out and coming in: “meet up b4 game?”… “bball tavern @ 5” … “I’ll perform any favor you can think of for your ticket” … buddies start making plans to come home, and beer sales go through the effing roof. Whatever the signs are for you, because it is unique and personal to each of us, one thing is as certain as taxes: Father Fenway comes out of his winter hibernation this Sunday.

As I have always maintained, Boston is a better place when the Sox are playing, and better even still when they’re winning. The cold, white, sissy-repellent that litter the streets during the cold months has melted away, and for those brave enough to bear it (or for those simply forced to) we have earned ourselves the right to another season of Red Sox baseball.

"Right here... Right now... I'm peeing."

With so many new faces this year, there is an unfamiliar air of uncertainty… kind of like the beginning of in 2004 and 2007 seasons. Like everything else in New England, there is no gray area, you either can’t wait to see the boys of summer hit the diamond, or you are already calling for Theo’s head on a blunt spit.

Let me settle all for everyone: We have the best 1,2,3 in all of baseball, the best number 4 pitcher in the game (Dice K) and our fifth starter is either a member of last year’s all-star team or a young stud with top-of-the-rotation stuff.

Our lineup is a mixture of solid doubles hitters with power and speed sprinkled in for garnish.

Our fielding consist of about a zillion combined gold gloves, a new left side of the infield that seems to be meshing with the right side, our new catcher behind the plate looks great and we’ve tacked on three (what will prove to be) terrific new starters in Cam, Scutaro and Beltre.

Cameron kinda looks like Willie Mays Hayes. Hopefully Big Papi swings better than Serano this year and even though the Papelmoose/Wildthing comparison is an easy one... Buccholz is definitely Ricky Vaughn.

Clay Buccholz

The Red Sox will win 98 games this year (like they always do) and narrowly lose the division to the Yankees, which is OK because the Yanks are a team built like winning the regular season is their goal. It’s an exciting season we’re on the doorstep of… And all I want for October is a World Series.

Go Red Sox.

StartMattCassel

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God Damn I Hate the Yankees.

Need I Say More? I just need something to happen, please.

Go Sox.

89 Days.

Done.

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Do You See The Fear In This Man’s Eyes?

Hank SucksYou should, or at least smell the crap in his pants, because the Sox are bearing down on his $200 million dollar juggernaut. That’s right. With 13 games left in the season, the Yanks’ lead on the Sox is down to five games (only four in the all important loss column) and the two teams still have three to play against each other next weekend. While that can’t get us all the way there, the Sox are in KC, where you, me and seven other guys off the street could probably win a game, and the Yanks have to contend with the Angels in LA where they haven’t won this year and have sucked for a while. Since August 11th (right around the time they got hot in 2004, in case you forgot) the Sox are now 27-11 and have won 10 of their last 11. I guess this weekend’s series in the Bronx won’t be as meaningless as all of the New York media thought it would be.

Jason Bay: Good Again.Of course, this comes on the heels of yet another victory over the doomed and hopeless Baltimore Orioles. That makes sixteen out of eighteen against the division rivals and always welcoming hosts to the south. This one was special because it marked the return of Daisuke “I’ll throw 11,000,000,000 pitches but only get through five innings” Matsuzaka, who, though he didn’t walk anybody, still managed to run up the pitch count to 110. Having him, or the guy who was pretending to be him last week, back in the rotation is a key to the hopes for the post season. As much as we don’t want to think about it, Wake (who is going tonight) might not be available for the post season, and having Dice to step into the fourth spot in the rotation (as opposed to Paul Byrd) is the kind of security blanket that this team has lacked all season.

Before the Sox take the field against the Royals, I need to wish a happy birthday to Jason Bay, who hit his 35th homer of the year, and got his 110th RBI, both career highs. After disappearing for two months, Bay has returned for the stretch run in the kind of shape that had us all thinking earlier in the season that he was an MVP candidate.

Go Sox.

Done.

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The Baltimore Orioles: Road Kill on The Way To Awesomeness.

Dead OrioleI can smell it. We are getting closer. Not just to the wild card, to the division. I know that we were left for dead, and that the Yanks have never given up a lead of six games or more at any point in the season, let alone September. But this feels different, perhaps even 2004-esque, as the Sox have started to dismantle everything that is in their way, and the Yanks are suddenly more vulnerable as Rivera gave up a walk off shot to Ichiro (who is hilarious, and thinks that infield hits are sexy). Sure, we still haven’t clinched the wild card (Magic Number: 10), but the Rangers are finally playing like the Rangers and have lost five straight, so that’s not a concern. What is a concern is how badly the Steinbrenners are going to explode once the Sox have gone into the New Asshole of the Universe next weekend and swept the Yanks out of the place.  This is going to be fun.

Before we do that though, it’s time to put down the Orioles like an old dog or Yankees fan. The Sox have gone 14-2 against them this season, they have no bright spots on the team and their stadium sounds more like the Cask and Flagon than an opposing ballpark when the Sox score a run down there. I almost feel bad for them and all of the people who have supported them. Peter Angelos is an idiot, and things don’t look to be imporving any time soon.

Clay DominatingBut in the mean time, the Sox will continue to use them (and the Royals) as a tune up for the weekend apocalypse ahead. Last night we had Buck continuing to dominate, Bay being hot at the right time (34th homer) and another quality win. What sounds even better to me is that Buck said after the game that he didn’t even feel good last night and his best stuff wasn’t on the mound with him. If he can go six innings and only give up one run, even against the AAAA (also known as National League) team that is pretending to be the Orioles right now, when he only has command of his fastball, then everybody else should fear him when he is on the ball. After last night, the Sox have gone 11 games without giving up more than three runs, going 9-2 in that span (including Thursday’s loss to the Angels, which is firmly on the Captain, which depressed me so much that I couldn’t even write about it) and solidifying their lock on the WC. Yeah, It’s Like That.

Lester is on the hill tonight, so relax, enjoy the college football and remember:

Go Sox.

Done.

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Now That the Yankees Lost to the A’s, Let’s See What the New Guy’s Got.

Judging from the camo shirt under his Jersey, this guy will fit in to the clubhouse just fine.

Judging from the camo shirt under his Jersey, this guy will fit in to the clubhouse just fine.

The Red Sox are going to win more than one game after the All Star break. Sure, it wasn’t impressive, other than the catch by Ellsbury and Pedroia’s diving stab in the fourth, but it was a win, and something to build on. Penny was good enough to stay, and we’ve got Lester going tonight.  Hopefully building on that will include scoring some runs for Lester tonight.

More importantly tonight we get our first look at the guy who replaced Kotsay on the roster. Adam Laroche will be playing first tonight and batting sixth (giving The Beard a well deserved day off), and as we’ve seen with last year’s July deal, guys love getting out of Pittburgh and into the real baseball of Fenway. Plus, this guy is notoriously nasty in the second half. So LaRoche (who, dispite his last name, is not French and loves his freedom fries, freedom dressing and freedom toast as much as any red blooded American) will get a greeting from the Fenway Faithful tonight and will hopefully show his pleasure by helping the Sox score some f#$%ing runs for once.

And the Yanks already lost to the A’s (that Nomar guy helped us out), so it’s already a good day.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Piss Like the Pros!

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Just In Case You Forgot How Larry Lucchino Felt about the Yankees.

Larry Lucchino's Apartment WindowBefore the Sox play their first series in our nation’s capitol since the Senators moved away for the last time in 1971, this morning the Red Sox had a few items of memorabilia added to the Smithsonian’s National History Museum. The items donated were third base from game 2 of the ’04 World Series (still caked with Fenway dirt) and Jon Lester’s jersey from his win in game four of the 2007 World Series. As a part of the ceremony, Larry Lucchino (along with his bodyguard, Wally) were on hand to see the presentation. While he was happy that there was new materials from his team, it was another team ‘s items that really interested him. From Extra Bases:

That's Fenway Dirt.

That's Fenway Dirt.

The baseball display at the Smithsonian remained dominated with artifacts from the Yankees. The New York paraphernalia numbers more than 50, including Thurman Munson’s catcher mask, Whitey Ford’s travel bag, Allie Reynolds’ uniform, and a 1923 ticket booth from the opening year of the old Yankee Stadium.

“It’s interesting,” Lucchino quipped, “that the Yankees stuff is from so long ago.”

If you don’t love Larry for the two rings he’s helped bring to us, please love him for his never ending ability to find some way to dig at the Pinstriped Assholes from 250 miles south of here.

Go Sox.

Done.

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