With the Red Sox equipment truck on its way to Fort Myers, those of us who aren’t driving the truck need something to occupy us for the next five days. Fortunately, as Truck Day ended last night, the Winter Olympics were starting. I’m not a huge fan of most of these sports, but once the cauldron is lit (more on that soon enough), I have to say that there are some events which I can’t look away from. It’s not even like I’m addicted to luge or skeleton, which people watch to see the crashes, NASCAR style (and sadly, the most dangerous course in the world did kill a competitor the other day). I’ll just watch any event that has an American in it.
Already today I’ve been sucked into ski jumping (for distance, not cool tricks) and 5,000 meter speed skating. I don’t know why it’s this addictive, but as long as it’s on I can’t look away. I want the Americans to win, even in the events where they have no shot in hell, but no matter who’s up I keep watching. I now know that NBC’s double z play by play crew can’t describe what makes a ski jumper go far (they say it’s between the ears, which I can only assume means that these people are idiots), and that speed skating is more popular than sex in the Netherlands, except in Amsterdam, where they are both popular.
Won a gold medal, has a hot girlfriend. Sweet
Meanwhile NBC has been showing repeated highlights of last night’s opening ceremonies, which I only knew were on when I accidentally hit the wrong button on the remote. It was as grand and beautiful, minus the menacing “there are so many of us and we have no problem with working our people to death” tone, as the ceremonies in Beijing two years ago, with one minor difference. The Canadiens F’d up real bad.
The most important part of the ceremony is the lighting of the cauldr0n. The Olympic flame is lit in Athens and winds its way around the whole world before showing up in Vancouver for last night’s celebration, it enters the stadium to be lit dramatically as four Canadian sports icons enter to light the flame together. Steve Nash, Wayne Gretzky, Catriona Ann Le May-Doan (a speed skater), and Rick Hansen (a wheelchair marathoner, not one of the brothers from Slap Shot) waited to light the flame as it was supposed to rise from the stadium floor. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Wayne Gretzky Does Need To Choke A Bitch.
While three of them stood looking happy, smiling and waving to the crowd through the awkward two and a half minute pause, The Great One was different. Sure the guy is the undisputed greatest hockey player ever, but there comes a point where he is too much of a perfectionist to deal with his own country’s f#$%ups. Wayne Gretzky looked like he was ready to go all Warren Sapp on whoever had failed to fix the door that would open to let part of the cauldron out. He looked like his wife had just been implicated in an illegal betting scam along with one of his assistant coaches or something. No, The Great One was not happy.
Finally they moved on and lit the damn thing with only three of the four parts working, and the moment passed. Gretzky took the flame from the stadium over to it’s final resting place on the waterfront, but for me, the lasting image will be the greatest Canadian ever clearly wanting to kill everyone who had anything to do with the awkwardness last night.
At least we have something to watch until NESN goes into overdrive on Thursday.
Go Sox.
5 Days.
Done.
Get Out of My Ballpark 