Monthly Archives: November 2009

Artificial Preview: Jingle Jangle in The Big Easy


For the

Very Simple game plan:

The Patriots will win by one point tonight if they can play Patriot football. Brady will need to extend the field with Moss so that Wes Welker, Kevin Faulk and Lawrence Maroney can be more effective underneath. Given the Saints’ flexible run defense, I think Faulk is going to be a big X factor as the Pats attempt to beat the unbeaten.

The major key to the game is to not let Darren Sharper score a defensive touchdown.

Accomplish that, and we’re looking at a win for the Good Guys.



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NFL Week 12 Picks: OMG

This dude ate a whole bunch of turkey.

Not an expert showing this Thursday, but what the hell, we’re only experts when we’re winning. I hope everyone’s tryptophan comas are wearing off in time for today’s American football games. It should be a good week with some close games.

Cedric Benson, Michael Turner and Adrian Peterson should all be on the field today, despite being listed as questionable. And we’re hoping that Turner takes the load from Snelling (heyo) because I have a huge rivalry fantasy matchup with Big Broski who picked up Snelling in a free agent deal when Turner went down. So we need Turner to suck up as many carries as possible. Why should you care about all this, you may ask… no reason.

And OMG OMG OMG… I can’t wait for Monday night.


Thursday: SMC: 1-2 Done: 0-3 MVPork: 0-3

Favorite Spread Dog Done SMC MVPork
At SD -13.5 KC SD SD KC
At NO -1.5 NE NO NE NO
Last Wk: 9-7 8-8 9-7
Overall: 61-71-2 61-71-2 9-10


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God May Poop, But Tim Tebow Fertilizes Fields for Starving Children

Tim Tebow Would Cry After Sex.

The Florida Gators demolished the Florida State Seminoles (and Bobby Bowden’s final shot at glory) this afternoon to complete an undefeated regular season and move them one step closer to playing for their third “National Championship” in four years. Tim Tebow, who most sports media outlets would have you believe is the offspring of Jesus and The Heisman Trophy, was dominant once again, but the continued media fawning over him is really getting overboard. During today’s admittedly boring game the announcers spent about 15 minutes talking about the bible verse on Tebow’s eyeblack strips, and how he is so inspirational.

It’s all crap. You know what would inspire me? Him kicking ass, walking out of that stadium and going Matt Leinart all over the women of the University of Florida. That’s right, I want Tebow to be all of those negative stereotypes of a college football player, because I can’t stand to see him waste the opportunity that has been placed before him. I’m not talking about the NFL or saving the souls of all the heathens out there. I’m talking about the hordes of dumb beautiful women that attend the University of Florida.

Please, Tim, channel your inner Leinart (or even Kyle Orton) and make those of us who know and enjoy the fact that Jesus loved the ladies be just as proud of you as the missionaries in your home town are.

And then you can cry like a sissy again after Alabama beats you next week.

Go Sox.

82 Days.


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Nobody Expects the Curse of Nomar.

Don't you hate it when your groin muscle pulls away from the bone?

When I awoke/stopped vomiting (due to being full of pre Thanksgiving travel food) this morning, I was planning to write about my thoughts on the various trade rumors surrounding the Boston Red Sox and Clay Buchholz. For the second off season in the past four years, one of the best pitchers in the AL is available on the trade market and numerous other players are within the realm of possibility.

But then I checked Extra Bases and found that the Curse of Nomar had struck again. I know we (Red Sox fans) are thought to be overly willing to call any amount of bad luck (or pure suckitude) a curse (like Shaughnessy’s made up Curse of the Bambino), but this time it really is a Billy Goat level curse. When Nomar Garciaparra was traded away from the Red Sox on July 31st 2004, he struck the team with a curse, not to have a successful shortstop (meaning one who didn’t make us want to swallow a winchester) while he was still in the league.

Today that curse came back to get us just when we thought things might be a little bit more settled. Alex Gonzalez, the Sox starting shortstop in 2006 and the guy who gave us some type of stability last August and September, was thought to be an option to come back. The team had declined a $6 million option on Gonzo a few weeks ago, but was still planning on offering him a one year $3 million deal, especially after he hit .280 down the stretch with an unexpected burst of power.

Then came this morning’s report that Gonzo had signed with the Toronto BJs for a one year deal worth $2.75 Mil. The Curse has struck again. The Sox will need another new shortstop.

So who will be the next bearer of the curse? The options are Marco Scutaro, a versatile guy who is coming off a career year, and, um, …. …. yeah. Adam Everett, Khalil Greene (best white guy name ever, it just makes me want to make jihad jokes) and Miguel Tejada are also options, but this is not 2006 and this is also not the NL West. The Sox need to get this settled, and a one year stopgap measure is not going to make it.

The other option that everyone is always mentioning is Orlando Cabrera, who took over for Nomar in 2004, but he has worn out his welcome on for other ballclubs since then, and was not resigned by the Sox for “Off-Field Issues,” which means that dudes boof him. Of course, I can’t confirm that, but since 2004, everybody who has been asked in public and may actually know has refused to answer for fear of being sued for libel.

More soon on all of the trade speculation, unless something went down at dinner tonight, Schilling style.

Happy Thanksgiving, Go Sox.

84 Days.


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Thanksgiving Day NFL Picks

Happy Freakin Thanksgiving

Happy Turkey Day, Sportsfans. A day of eating, drinking, watching football and having the same 6 minute conversation over and over again.

Here are the Turkey Day Game Picks:

Favorite Spread Dog Done SMC MVPork
Green Bay -11.5 At Detroit DET GB DET
At DAL -13.5 Oakland OAK OAK OAK
NYG -6 At Denver NYG NYG NYG

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Every Team is Better with a Guy Named Tug.

I don’t really know anything about this but the Sox just picked up a guy named Tug Hulett from the Royals. Here is the info from Extra Bases:

The club acquired versatile infielder Tug Hulett from the Kansas City Royals for a player to be named later or cash considerations.

Hulett, 26, hit .111 in 18 at-bats with one RBI in 15 games for the Royals last season.

He appeared in five games at second base (two starts), but also saw time at third base (one game), shortstop (one game), left field (one game) and right field (two games).

The lefthanded hitter, who is the son of former major leaguer¬†Tim Hulett, spent most of last season at the Royals’ Triple A Omaha affiliate, where he hit .291 with 11 home runs and 53 RBI in 99 games.

Overall, Hulett owns a .194 batting average with one homer and three RBI in 45 games in the big leagues.

He probably won’t make the big club anytime soon, or will be flipped for Gonzalez/Halladay/Cabrera/Pujols, but hell, we have a guy named Tug, and that worked out for the Phillies (and Faith Hill). So we’ve got that going for us.

More on the trade ideas later.

Go Sox.

84 Days.



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Women in the Work Place and Miguel Cabrera

Skip Bayless

Sportsfans, sports broadcasting history was made today. A female sports reporter (whose name and picture I can’t freaking find anywhere on the internet) was talking about the problems with Notre Dame and Charlie Weis. Basically,¬† the problem is what Notre Dame thinks of itself. They aren’t executing their offense because they don’t have the personnel to run an NFL Superbowl offense because they simply can’t recruit.

Nameless intelligent female reporter to Skip Bayless: “…these kids weren’t even alive, Skip, when Notre Dame was good.”

Brian Scalabrine

That was it, it wasn’t a monologue, but she’s absolutely right. Notre Dame needs to take the pressure off Weis, which I don’t think they will because their Boosters are so deep in their own asses they can’t see straight, and commit to rebuilding the program based on a few targeted key recruits. They tried to do this around Clausen but only went half way because of Notre Dame’s self imposed pressure to win a National Championship.

Also. The Sox getting Miguel Cabrera would be just fine. Actually, it arouses me. I’m tired of the myth that the most important player is an Ace. For us, it’s a 30/120 bat. AND we can still get an arm. We need to spend our balls off and lock up Bay or Holliday, and go nuts on some pitching, get Lackey, I don’t even care. Just get me some shit-talk fuel.

I don’t wanna win in 2 years. I want to win today. Pitchers and Catchers: February 18.


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