Monthly Archives: April 2009

Vote Early, Vote Often

Vote For Us For Best Patriots Blog

Vote For Us For Best Patriots Blog

As SMC reported yesterday, we here at the Ballpark were nominated for a New England Sports Blog Award as the Best Pats Blog. Though SMC is our resident Pats guy, and this is mostly due to his terrific coverage, we are all honored to be nominated but we want to f@#$ing win. So please go visit our friends at www.trufan.com/blogawards and vote for us.

Thanks.

Go Sox. Go B’s. Go C’s. Go Pats

Done.

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A-Rod has Bitch Tits Like Meatloaf in Fight Club.

alex-rodriguez-steroids

See the Bitch Tits?

Great news Everyone! Selena Roberts has given us more reason to hate Douche-Rod. Excerpts from Robert’s new book were published by the New York Daily News this morning. Included are details about the Douche’s steroid use, which reportedly started in High School and continues today, and his relationships with his wife, Madonna, and various other floozies (that is the actual word used in the Daily News). I can’t think of a better way to wake up (other than in a Brad Penny’s Ex-Girlfriend Sandwich).

Here are some highlights:

Sports Illustrated writer Selena Roberts, who broke the story that A-Rod flunked a steroid screening in 2003, reveals fellow Bombers nicknamed the third baseman “B—h T–s” in 2005. (If you don’t think that the fans at Fenway are going to be chanting “Bitch Tits” when he returns to Boston June 9th then you are dumber than, well, A-Rod)

That was after he put on 15 pounds in the off-season and seemed to develop round pectorals, a condition called gynecomastia that can be caused by anabolic steroids, she writes.

In one shocking disclosure, the book accuses A-Rod of “pitch tipping” when he was with the Rangers – letting a friendly opponent at the plate know which pitch was coming in lopsided games. (Douchebag)

Rodriguez expected players he helped would do the same for him when he was having an off night and needed to get his batting average up and it wouldn’t affect the outcome of the game.

He was even hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15%, the book says

I’m not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but it must be a challenge to be hated at Hooters when you have $300 million. In fact, what is a man who can afford whatever he wants doing eating at Hooters? Couldn’t he get some hotty he is nailing (or a hooker) to go get him buffalo wings from Hooters and then serve them to him naked? Wouldn’t that be more fun? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Van Every CatchOf course, the Sox won last night thanks to some good relief work (again) and Jonathan Van Every’s first Major League home run. If you have been going to bed early with the Sox losing lately, you need to try staying up one of these days. In the last five games they have scored 16 runs in the seventh inning or later.  They have won four of those (and the eight before that) by scoring late as often as they scored early. Van Every’s shot last night was vaguely reminiscent of Brandon Moss’ shot in the opener in Japan last year. Good Times.

Go Sox.

Done.

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9:47pm

If you know what just happened, then you are watching the Red Sox game and saw Jacoby single up the middle with runners at the corners and two down to send Bailey home and tie the game in the 8th taking Lester off the hook for the loss and capping a 5 run comeback to make it all even.

This all happened due to reverse cheering.

I could have either shared this moment with my sexy asian girlfriend… or the Ballpark faithful.

Go Sox.

SMC

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Artificial Turf: We are super cool, Nominated for best Pats blog.

Sports Fans! Great news from the Ballpark: We have been nominated by TruFan.com for a New England Sports Blog Award in the Patriots category along with Real Boston Sports Fans, Sports of Boston and Patriots Daily. The entire Ballpark is honored by the nomination, I especially so. We all take great pride in the musings we publish and thank you all sincerely for your votes which led to our nomination.

Now it’s time for the big finish!

Voting for the winners began today and can be done so by clicking the link below. There is no shame in voting from every single email address you have… and yes, that is definitely what I will be doing.

Please go to www.trufan.com/blogawards to cast your vote for us. Vote early and often, eternal bliss shall be your reward.

Thank you again, readers and commentators alike.

– StartMattCassel

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Javier Lopez is Possessed By The Ghost of Rudy Seanez.

Yes, Rudy, you and your weirdly flapping sleeves make me cry too.

Yes, Rudy, you and your weirdly flapping sleeves make me cry too.

Remember 2006, when every time Rudy Seanez came into a game to pitch for the Sox you knew that the game was over? It didn’t matter if we had a 5 run lead when he entered, or if it was a tight spot, we all knew that Rudy would make whatever had gone right that night go bad. The mere sight of his 3/4 length loose red sleeves flapping in the bullpen was like seeing the grim reaper out of the corner of your eye.

"Did I do that?"

"Did I do that?"

That’s how I am starting to feel about Javier Lopez. I don’t believe that he works directly for Satan, like Rudy did, or that he is actually an evil robot set from the future to make me insane and therefore steal mankind’s last hope when the Tivos rise up to destroy us, but every time he enters a game in a tight spot lately, I just get that creeping feeling. When he lost that stomach punch game in Oakland it started, and last night the feeling reached full Rudy Seanez proportions. I knew we were going to lose the game as soon as I saw him warming up next to Paps, and then it happened. It didn’t even take a good piece of hitting to finish Lopez off this time. His Mother’s Day miracle-esque dropping of a simple flip of the ball in the bottom of the ninth last night was really the worst way he could do us in. After Youk makes a great diving stop to give us a chance to close the inning out and win it in extras, Lopez takes his eye off the ball and drops it. I’m pretty sure I watched at least 11 hours of pitchers running that drill in mid February, so he does know how to catch the ball and find the base. Really? Is there anyone else in the organization who we can bring in to get a lefty out? Bard, Bard, Bueller?

That was me, sorry.

That was me, sorry.

While you are at it, don’t hesitate to spread the shit thick on this one. Lugo, returning from knee surgery, forgot to get the suck removed from him when he was on the table and gave up an error which led to the Indians getting back into the game when they were down 4 in the third. I never question Tito (he knows his ballclub better than we do, and he has reasons for everything he does), but taking Green out of the lineup during a winning streak is like calling out to a pitcher that he has a no hitter going. Why replace the guy who got you through the streak in the first place. His defense wasn’t a huge upgrade over Lugo, but he wa hitting. Granted, Green did look like he thought this was slow pitch softball against Wood in the ninth, but I’m just sating that you don’t switch from gin & tonic to strawberry daquiris during a hot streak at the craps table and you don’t replace your shortstop during a winning streak if you can avoid it. Penny, with whom my fascination is fading fast, gave up seven in 2-2/3 (four earned thanks to Julio) and left it up to the bullpen to finish the job (Can we get that Bowden guy to come back up here?) and  Lowell, the AL player of the week, had his own run scoring error.

Soldier on. Lester’s on the hill tonight. And the Beard is pissed.

Go Sox.

Done.

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Artificial Turf: More on the Kids

Just so we’re clear, SMC’s Patriots Draft Grade: B+. Nut Riding Mel Kiper’s Patriots Draft Grade: B+. Thank you for reading Mel.

Here are links to all of our draft picks’ scouting reports:

Pick 34: P. Chung, S – Born in Jamaica

Pick 40: R. Brace, DT – Went to Boston College, very well spoken according to Pro-Day interviews

Pick 41: D. Butler, CB – 2 Year Capt. at UConn

Pick 53: S. Volmer, OT – Spoke almost no English when he arrived at Houston, Majored in Communications

Pick 83: B. Tate, WR – Smokes pot

Pick 97: T. McKenzie, OLB – All heart, great motor

Pick 123: R. Ohrnberger, G – Starter-like-talent two seasons down the road

Pick 170: G. Bussey, OT – Initial walk on who earned a scholarship

Pick 198: J. Ingram, LS – Best Long Snapper in the Draft

Pick 207: M. Pryor, DT – 2nd team All-SEC in 2008

Pick 232: J. Edelman, QB – Fast QB

Pick 234: D. Richard, DT – All Academic Honors

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Jason Bay has Clutchitude® Leaking Out His Ears.

Today’s best stat from the Globe: Jason “The Buzzard” Bay is 10 for 20 (.500) with 4 homers and 10 RBIs from the seventh inning on this season.

Now that is the man that I want hitting in a big spot. While Mike Lowell was named the AL Player of the Week yesterday, it’s Bay that is the Sox MVP so far this season. Not only for the fact that he has been solid from day one, plays a terrific left field and adds an element to the game that the old left fielder never did (reliablility), but because he has done it with class. He is in a contract year, but you don’t hear anything about it. He would be hitting third and not sixth on 85% of the other teams in the league, but he doesn’t complain. He just goes out to left field every day, does his job, and, get this, has fun.

This is from last night, not 1995. His pitching motion just hasn't changed in 15 years. And that is one of the reasons we love him.

This is from last night, not 1995. His pitching motion just hasn't changed in 15 years. And that is one of the reasons we love him.

After last night’s pitchers duel ended in the 9th (gotta make it interesting, don’t you Paps), it was the two guys who have come up biggest all season for the Sox that stood tall. The New Guy (The Buzzard) and The Elder Statesman (Wake) both have not only been winning us games, but they have dominated. Wakefield has given up 3 runs in his past three starts (none last night), has a 1.86 ERA and is the man who pitched the Sox out of their opening funk by throwing 7.1 innings of no hit ball at the A’s. He was awesome again last night and is finally going to get his Cy this year (I’m only kinda kidding; If he stays this good he will at least be in the conversation).

But the man of the hour is Bay, whose 9th inning 3-run blast off of Kerry Wood scored the first runs of the game and proved to be the difference in the Sox’ 11th straight win. Let’s play compare the stat lines:

G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB K SB AVG OBP SLG
19 61 16 21 5 1 5 19 20 12 2 .344 .506 .705
19 68 14 23 3 0 4 14 16 14 0 .338 .464 .559
17 65 12 19 1 1 3 7 9 9 3 .292 .382 .477

Which one is which? One belongs to The Buzzard, one belongs to some douche who wears 99 in LA, and one belongs to a formerly good player who is manning left field for a team that just got swept out of the Fens. Right now, by is making less money than either of them. Though this will be corrected (hopefully soon), it shows what kind of player he is that he doesn’t talk shit about the team, doesn’t mention contract stuff, and just goes out and makes pitchers cry.

Go to Redsox.com and look at the pictures on the All Star Voting Front Page. Is Youk Stoned, Tired or Angry?

Tonight the Sox go for the dozen with Penny on the mound against some guy who never slept with Eliza Dushku. Advantage: Red Sox.

And this report from the Bruins: They are bored of practice and ready to pound the shit out of whoever they get matched up with after the two game 7’s tonight (Devils-Whalers, Rangers-Caps).

Go Bruins. Go Sox.

Done.

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