Monthly Archives: October 2009

The Scariest Thing I Can Think Of.

Yankees Win World Series

The Yankees Win. Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Yankees Win.

I f#$%ing hate John Sterling. Oddly, being naked under a pile of thirty guys is A-Rod’s greatest fantasy. Go Phillies.

Happy Halloween. Be safe tonight.

Go Sox.

106 Days.


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Apparently, Cliff Lee is the Yankees’ Daddy.

Cliff Lee Deserves a HandshakeHave you ever been really excited to show off your new apartment to some friends, and then some guy shows up, beats the crap out of you, poops on your couch and then lights your bed on fire? That’s what the Yankees feel like today after what Cliff Lee did to them. In the Steinbrenners’ first chance to show off their billion dollar monument to being whores (and taxpayer money) on the world wide scale, the Phillies spoiled the party by dominating the Yanks on both sides of the ball and ruining the return of Aura and Mystique (Schilling’s favorite strippers) to the Series. He shut down the best offensive team money can buy (one run on six hits in a complete game), while also giving the atomic finger to a former teammate who got all the attention even while Lee was winning an AL Cy Young.

A-Rod Strikes Out. Awesome.

Just Walk Away. You Are Not Good.

And it felt great for me. Every Yankees fan I’ve seen today looks like somebody shit in their cereal. Douche-Rod, who had switched bodies with David Ortiz circa 2004 for most of the playoffs, was back to his old self, putting up an 0-4 night with three Ks. Teixeira was almost as bad, coming one K short of matching Rodriguez in complete uselessness (thought Rodriguez still has bigger tits). The entire team was shut down by Lee, who has done nothing but dominate since coming over in the Indians fire sale at the deadline.

Sabathia Gives Up Homers to Utley

That Was A Great Pitch......... For a Camel To Jizz On.

On the other side of the ball, Sabathia, the $161 Million man, got hammered by Chase Utley twice and after he was out, it took five relievers to get 6 outs, while giving up four more runs. He missed his location and became the first left handed pitcher to give up two homers to a lefty hitter not named Babe Ruth. On the second shot he also clearly shook off Posada twice, proving that it was his own shitty idea to throw a pitch right down the pipe to Utley.

Feel the Power.

Feel The Awesomeness.

The secret to Utley’s power is not in his hours of practice, or his tremendous ability, but in his magical hair. If you were watching last night after his second homer, you saw how majestic it was. It looked like something that you will see kids wearing on Saturday night, made of rubber and not moving unless you take a jackhammer to it. I don’t know what was in it (SMC suggested camel semen, and he had to ask some chick how to spell semen), but whatever it was, they should have used it to hold together Yankee Stadium’s crumbing foundation.

Pedro Martinez at his peakTonight a lonely Red Sox nation (and Phillies fans, if anyone actually cares about them) turns its eyes to an old friend. Pedro Martinez, who did not in fact die after the 2004 season, will take the hill tonight in the new Asshole of the Universe, and try to give his Daddy a beating of his own. If you are wondering whether or not it is O.K. to root for Pedro, who some felt betrayed by because he took more money and more years from the Mets after 2004, the answer is yes. Pedro changed everything for us. He helped make it cool to be a Sox fan again, and made at least one out of every five games definite appointment viewing. Add to that the fact that he is playing the Yankees and will have to deal with 45,000 effheads yelling “Who’s Your Daddy” and that the oil in his hair (You’ve Gotta Let Your Soul Glo) could heat the North End for the winter, and every Sox fan should be rooting for Pedro like the old days.

Go Pedro. Go Sox.

108 Days.



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Out from under the mango tree…

Tonight the Phillies call on SuperDro.

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Please, Phillies, Please Beat the Yankees, If Only to Make Their Fans Shut Up.

Shouldn't that be a picture of A-Rod?I know, coming from a belligerent, angry, asshole Red Sox fan, that sounds like the biggest bunch of hypocrisy since Keith Richards told kids not to do drugs. Since the Greatest Postseason Comeback (Yankees Choke) in the history of sports, we have been rubbing every success in the faces of our rivals to the south. People all over the country got sick of us and our prolonged celebration of how great Boston and all of our teams are. So me asking the Phillies to win to keep the Yankees fans from being able to talk, may strike many as overkill, but really, it will be better for all of us.

Buckner. Nuff 'Ced.Let me first tell you where from where I am coming (sounds weird, doesn’t it, but that is the proper English). I have been a Sox fan since a glove and hat were put in my crib when I was born just a Dwight Evans throw from the ballpark. The first scarring moment came when my parents woke me up, as so many did, to see the Sox win it all in ’86. That did not work out well. For the next eighteen years, through good and bad Sox teams, I had to deal with my Yankees fan cousins, one of whom has never lost an argument, at least in his eyes, telling me how much I should be ashamed of my allegiance to the Red Sox.

And then there was 2003. It didn’t matter to them that the Yanks lost the Series, or that the Sox had just as good a team as they had. They were merciless, brutalizing my already fragile ego and coming as close as anyone ever has to making me believe that the Sox weren’t ever going to win a title. I'm Really Not Happy.

As I come to you today, I am humbling myself. Tony Massaroti, normally a level headed writer, wrote this afternoon on about how Sox fans should root for the Yankees to win in order to bring some heat back to the rivalry and convince Theo and the Trio to spend the cash that they need to to bring the club back to the top. I say that we are already there. I’m angry that a few million bucks and the fact that Leigh Teixeira firmly holds her husbands balls in her purse kept the Sox from getting over the top, and now that same asshole is on the cusp of a title. I’m angry that a blue lipped, bitch tit sprouting, Madonna banging (then again who hasn’t) classless fuck got further into October than the Sox. They don’t need to win a title to make me, or most Sox fans, angry. That is already happening.

Yankees Fans are Assholes.What does need to happen is that the Phillies need to put them in their place. Although I have no particular love for the Phils, they all seem like class guys, and none of them have ever done anything that pissed me off enough to hope they get a particularly virulent strain of herpes. They need to do it for me, for you and for every other Sox fan who has to put up with Yankees fans at work, in their family, or within 500 miles of them. They need to keep us from a winter of 13 year old kids who root for the Yankees just to piss off people telling them about how their team is so awesome and have won 27 titles (only one of which they remember).

Phillies, please do what Curt Schilling, himself a former Phillie, said he would do when he got to Boston, and make 55,000 Yankees fans shut the fuck up. The rest of them will do the same.

Go Sox.

109 Days.


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In Memory of AngryBlackAle: Holy Sh*t, It’s Celtics Season!

One of the perks of NBA Season.

Another perk of NBA season.

With the loss of our dear friend AngryBlackAle at the end of last season, both SMC and I were surprised to find out that the 17 time world champion Boston Celtics are beginning their season tonight. I’m not a hoops guy, except for the last two minutes of a close playoff game, but things seem to be looking good for the C’s this year. They have the same starting five that won a title in 2008, Rondo has developed into a premier point guard (and wants to be paid like one), and the bench is deeper than it was to start the season. Of course, the key to the whole thing, and the reason that there is Banner 18 coming in the spring, is that KG – The Eater of Souls – is back on the floor.

I'm kind of scared of him too, so it's nothing to be ashamed of.

It's O.K. I'm kinda scared of him too.

There isn’t much that you can’t say about how much Kevin Garnett means to the Celtics. Even with Big Baby (who apparently broke his thumb while sticking it up some dudes butthole) playing very well in the playoffs (and shoving twelve-year-old kids around), the C’s were missing something with KG out of the lineup due to a bad knee. It was the intensity. Paul Pierce may be the Captain, Ray Allen may be the dagger, and Rondo may be the speed, but it’s KG that scares the crap out of everybody on the other team. And not because of his basketball skills, because he’s likely to rip somebody’s arm out of the socket and beat a ref to death with it over a bad call.

Either there's a party going on, or 'Sheed's gotta do his shirt laundry.

Either there's a party goin' on, or 'Sheed's gotta do his shirt laundry.

My favorite part of the new season is seeing Rasheed Wallace in green (it’s super lame that the Cavs are wearing red on opening night so that we can’t wear green). He’s a great player, sure, and he looks like Wogga Bear (I’ve never seen them in the same room, or watched ‘Sheed play with Wogga Bear, so I cannot confirm that they are, in fact, different people), but he likes pot, so we like him. ‘Sheed, and his weird bald spot, along with Marquis Daniels, Big Baby, Candace Parker (I mean Shelden Williams) and Eddie House, make the C’s bench at the start of the season the best that it has been in the new big three era. Plus, ‘Sheed loves pot.

ESPN and SI have three of their 20-odd “experts” picking the Celtics to win the title, but far more of them have ┬áthe Cavs (a.k.a. Shaq, Lebron and whatever 9 guys they can find behind the home depot that day) or the Lakers. Me, I think all those guys who chose other people should just be on the look out for a 6’12” guy wearing a green number 5 jersey hunting them down for doubting him.

Of course, this means that the C’s are going to lose 60 games (hello, whoever breaks out of college and becomes the first pick in 2010).

Go Celts, Go Sox.

110 Days.



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This Made it All O.K.

Eleven days, eight games, one World Series title. If you need words, you don’t know:Dave Roberts Stole Second Fucking Base.

You've Got To Let Your Soul Glow
Papi Singles in Damon to Win Game Five of the 2004 ALCSMaking 55,000 Yankees Fans Sit Down and Shut UpAnd People Wonder Why We Hate A-Rod. Curse Over. Yankees Choke. Game 1 2004 World Series: The Third Most Beautiful Thing I Have Ever Seen
Wake in Game 1Schilling: Still Bleeding, Still Dominant. The Captain in Game 2.My Favorite Memory of Jeff Suppan: Game 3, 2004 World SeriesI Still Hate Joe Buck: Red Sox Fans Have Longed to Hear It.The Boston Red Sox Are World Series Champions.

It’ll probably rain today, but it’ll always be ┬ábeautiful at 11:40 PM EDT on October 27th.


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Artificial Turf: Patriots Good Across the Pond Too

Interceptions have become a bit of a theme these past few weeks; Darious Butler on display here.

Interceptions have become a bit of a theme these past few weeks; Darious Butler on display here.

First, a couple things about the feasibility of an NFL franchise in London: Overall, I’ll say that I’d rather see a team in Vegas or LA first, but I think the logistics are there for a team in Europe. The travel is comparable to a cross-country flight for most teams and the interest does seem to be there. Additionally, if there is only one team overseas, the novelty of going to the games will continue to sell out the stadium… which every demo game over the past three years already has; this year Wembley sold out in 6 minutes. The downfall is generally personnel related, asking 53 families, plus coaches, staff and front office guys is a big thing to demand. Plus the TV production teams, stadium personnel and game officials. The need for NFL camera & production teams was overtly apparent, given that the audio, visual and actual camera angles were incredibly poor.

The game itself… was fun to watch, even though Brady doubled his interception total on the season (2 INTs), he put 3 in the endzone and completed the longest play of the season to Sam Aiken, which was the best play of the game for a couple reasons: 1- It was Aiken’s first career score, 2- It was a great run after catch, and 3- Brady showed serious vintage quality. With a heavy pass rush being pushed downfield by the O-tackles, as the end became to come around, Brady sensed the pressure from behind, slid forward with great pocket mobility, set his feet and delivered a powerful strike to a small window for the completion.

Brady showing serious pocket pressence.

Brady showing serious pocket pressence.

Brady was great even after a long wait to get in the game, Merriweather took a pick six off the first play of the game and the defense was stifling from then on out. Darius Butler had another interception and Tully Banta-Cain celebrated his reunion with the team by leading the defense with 5 tackles (along with Mayo & McGowan).

I was also encouraged to see Brandon Tate contributing positive return yards and showing some good bursts on an 11-yard end-around run and a great deep route that he didn’t end up connecting on. That Welker guy led all receivers with 100+ yards on 10 receptions and Sebastien Vollmer, the online European-born played on the field, also protected well and drew a great deal of media attention which he handled very well.

If you have some time, I suggest Googling around the London Times to read the British coverage form the British perspective, they loved hosting the game and were a great host City.

The Patriots head into their bye week with a 5-2 record, solid momentum and have reminded the rest of the NFL that they ARE in the elite tier of competitors and they are hungry for football wins.


the Pats are ready to Grind.

The Pats are ready to Grind.


Filed under Artificial Turf, Things other than baseball