If This is the Best the NL Has To Offer, Sign Me Up For More Interleague.

Cool Logo for a Bad Idea

After this weekend’s dismantling of the two time NL champ Phillies behind the all-star duo of Scott Atchison and Daniel Nava (not to diminish what they did; Nava can hit and Atchison saved us in a tight spot), and on the cusp of three against the NL worst D-Backs, I’m actually liking the idea of interleague this year. It still let’s the Yanks feast on teams like the Astros (poor Brad Mills) while the Sox have to face the Phils and then the NL west, the best division in the NL, but if that’s all the champs have then it might not be all bad.

Of course, my rose colored glasses may be affected by the fact that tonight the party rolls on with Arizona in town. Proud owners of nine (seriously) road wins on the season, only one pitcher with more than three wins and a GM who is already in the process of dismantling the team, these guys are ripe for the picking. Then again we said that about KC, Baltimore and Cleveland and now we’re .500 against that group.

Along with Nava leading off (Bill Hall is at short with Scutaro getting the night off after dealing with a nerve issue in his arm), we’ve got Buck on the hill tonight against old asshole Ian Kennedy, who wasn’t good enough to make it in New York. Remember when he got sent down to the minors by the Yanks and never came back? Yeah, this should be fun for Youk, Beltre, Pedey and the boys.

And I hear there’s something that may be parade related happening at 9. Go Celtics.

Go Sox.

Done.

They Should Make T-Shirts That Say “I Survived Bizzarro Weekend.”

First Daisuke freaking Matsuzaka comes within 5 outs of a No-Hitter against the “NL team with an AL lineup,” then Timmmmmmmay Wakefield, recently restored from the bullpen, dazzles that same lineup for eight innings, and then Lost ends. This was one clusterfuck of a weekend.

First of all, as much as SMC and the others I was with want to blame it on me, I have confirmed that more than one person who was watching the Red Sox game on Saturday night uttered the words “No-Hitter” before Juan Castro’s hit dropped with two outs in the eighth. So it wasn’t just me and that makes me feel slightly better. Otherwise the most important thing to take from the game is that we really have no effing clue how good or bad Daisuke Matsuzaka can be this season or beyond. He has been a shutdown ace twice this season and otherwise been a tremendous failure. The way that the defense, other than Scutaro, came together behind the Wiggler was also encouraging.

Hustler. In all senses of the word.

Of course, the Celtics game was also entertaining, as they went up 3-0 in an absolute destruction of everything that the Magic hold dear. I am both excited that Stan Van Gundy is going to be able to go back to his thriving Porn career, crying, and terrified that the Celtics are going to joint the Bruins as teams that have pulled a Yankee (and if you think I’m not happy to be able to use the term “pulling a Yankee” as something negative, you have not been reading very carefully). It was incredible and Rondo’s play on the floor has to go down as one of the ultimate hustle plays in postseason history. The Lakers should legit fear KG because they are holding his trophy.

Making them regret it.

The best part of the weekend, other than the Lost finale, which I loved and understood completely (this is where I imply that those who didn’t get it or are angry about it are either not smart or were just looking for things to complain about), was Tim Wakefield basically throwing a big middle finger at Theo, Tito and company for his move to the bullpen while his teammates made Roy Halladay (still can win 30 games in the NL) look like Charlie Zink. That makes four out of five games with the Sox starter going eight, which is what we expected to see all the time when the season started.

The Sox are three games above .500 for the first time all season, their hitters are hot (I think Youk might never get out again) and most of the pitching staff looks unhittable. Not a bat time to go visit the 32-12 (on pace to win 118 games) Trampa Bay Rays, who could stand to be taken down a notch. 7:10.

Go Sox.

Done.

Lackey of Money for Jason Bay For a Good Reason.

Youk is stoked.

Dateline (4:03 PM): According to ESPN.com, this thing is official. The numbers aren’t clear yet, but it seems like Lackey is getting the same deal A.J. Burnett got last winter from the Pinstriped assholes (5 years/ $82.5 Million). Also, the Sox are trying to use the same numbers to extend Beckett (whose career numbers are almost identical to Lackey’s and is younger), and have made a $15.5 Million offer to Cuban fireballer Aroldis Chapman to offset the loss of their top draft pick  for signing another type A free agent.

The other big move is that the Blue Jays have finally traded Roy Halladay, and to the best possible place for the Sox, the Phillies. Cliff Lee will be moving on to Seattle and the Yankees are left holding their tiny dicks in their hands. It’s not clear what the Jays are getting in return but who gives a shit.

Who says you need to score runs to win? There is probably more good stuff to come (yo, Adrian), but for now let’s just remember that the Sox now have the best rotation in the AL, again.

P.S. SMC has just admitted to me that even though he thinks it’s a bit poppy (which is wrong), The Fixer makes him feel like spring baseball. Enjoy.

Hey, At Least The Celtics Won.

This is all I have to say to that first Yankees fan who pops his head into my office today with the sole intention of making somebody who they have to spend every day around feel bad when they are in the minority and know that it will piss off the person who is effectively their boss:

And they are really bad f#$%ing losers ( I don’t know who this person is but I found the picture at this hilarious myspace page. Further proof that myspace is for white trash). Just look at last year, and 2007 and 2007 and 1966. I can’t wait for the first Yankees fan comment on this post to prove my point. A-Rod still has bitch tits and he still took steroids.

But hey, the Celtics are 6-0.

Go Sox.

101 Days.

Done.

Where Have You Gone Pedro Martinez? A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You.

Just a couple a guys horsin' around.

I never thought I’d be so excited for another Pedro Martinez start. I remember when he cam to Boston in the winter of 1998. All of a sudden there were people from the Dominican Republic everywhere. Italian guys with George Hamilton tans were all of a sudden waiving Dominican flags and pretending to be just like Pedro. He made it cool to be a Sox fan again, gave us hope that even in the midst of the least hateable Yankees run possible (you couldn’t hate Torre, because he’s just a stand up guy, and Jeter was still a superstar who played the game right, worked hard and deserved everything that he got, unlike now. Yes, that is the least hateable Yankees team, except for when they suck), our long national nightmare, also known as 86 years o’ pain, was coming to an end.

Just a couple a guys horsin' around.

Pedro was appointment viewing in the days before TiVo made that obsolete. Every time he took the ball he could do something amazing. Would he pitch ten perfect innings and then lose because his team couldn’t score (that once happened to him), or would he give up three homers in five innings and go down in flames (also happened)? No matter whether he pitched well or poorly, Pedro was the freaking man. All you need to do is make a list of the things he did in his first few seasons here to remember how great he was: 17 K one hit in Yankee Stadium, Game 5 1999 ALDS, carrying around a celebrity (apparently he was huge in the DR) midget for the second half of the 2004 season, using more Soul Glo than Eriq LaSalle in Coming to America. Just to name a few.

Oh ya, he's a gamer, too.

And tonight, as he takes the mound against Andy Pettite in a match up which would have had every Fox executive walking around with a huge erection ten years ago, we fans of the Boston Red Sox turn to Pedro again.

This time we turn to him not to help us erase nearly a century worth of misery and pain, but to save us from a winter full of the same. The Yankees fans, never believers in not counting their chickens before they have hatched, are already coming out of the woodwork. A whole new generation of douchebag pink hat Yankees fans are all of a sudden telling us how they have suffered through the past nine years, and how the Yankees did it the right way. They keep walking into my office and saying, “How about those Yankees?”

GOOOOOOOOO 'DRO!

We need Pedro to keep us from a winter of these people having their delusions fed into by the media. Sure, Joe Buck is already planning the train the Yanks are going to run on him after the Series, and it was hard to understand McCarver (moreso than usual) as he tried to call the game with A-Rod’s steroid reduced balls in his mouth, but the rest of the media has so far been uncontaminated. And we all know that the worst is yet to come, with Rodriguez’ first ring will come the inevitable book (he may be illiterate, but if Johnny Damon can write a book so can he) and ESPN’s retrospective on A-Rod as the greatest player ever. Teixeira would grace the cover of a Wheaties box telling kids to eat healthy and work hard so that someday their wife can carry their balls in her purse. A.J. Burnett and C.C. Sabathia will open up their on line of soaps (made Fightclub style from fat liposuctioned out of Sabathia’s ass) and shaving creams (perfect for pieing the faces of guys who are less overpaid than you and actually contribute).

So please Pedro, let your Soul Glo, and give us one more night of baseball, and a better chance of not having to hide until pitchers and catchers report. Another playoff collapse for the Yanks would just be icing on the cake.

Go Sox.

102 Days.

Done.

It’s a bright day… kinda

Chase Utley loves puppies.

Cliff Lee and Chase Utley did their best 2007 Josh Becket and David Ortiz impersonations last night and effectively sent the World Series back to New York for a game six. Although Utley is still considerably less Dominican, he has emerged as the bat not to throw at in the series. Unfortunately, the Yankees will probably adjust at home and kick the Phillies asses all over the field. The injustice in all of this is that I don’t want either team to win… and I may even want the Phillies to lose more than the Yankees… I mean… ya, cheese steaks are nice… but do they really deserve another Championship? That being said, the Yankees are evil and should have all of their toes removed by a Cambodian woman with bad teeth.

I’m just… feeling so conflicted today…

StartMattCassel

The Scariest Thing I Can Think Of.

The Yankees Win. Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Yankees Win.

I f#$%ing hate John Sterling. Oddly, being naked under a pile of thirty guys is A-Rod’s greatest fantasy. Go Phillies.

Happy Halloween. Be safe tonight.

Go Sox.

106 Days.

Done.

Apparently, Cliff Lee is the Yankees’ Daddy.

Have you ever been really excited to show off your new apartment to some friends, and then some guy shows up, beats the crap out of you, poops on your couch and then lights your bed on fire? That’s what the Yankees feel like today after what Cliff Lee did to them. In the Steinbrenners’ first chance to show off their billion dollar monument to being whores (and taxpayer money) on the world wide scale, the Phillies spoiled the party by dominating the Yanks on both sides of the ball and ruining the return of Aura and Mystique (Schilling’s favorite strippers) to the Series. He shut down the best offensive team money can buy (one run on six hits in a complete game), while also giving the atomic finger to a former teammate who got all the attention even while Lee was winning an AL Cy Young.

Just Walk Away. You Are Not Good.

And it felt great for me. Every Yankees fan I’ve seen today looks like somebody shit in their cereal. Douche-Rod, who had switched bodies with David Ortiz circa 2004 for most of the playoffs, was back to his old self, putting up an 0-4 night with three Ks. Teixeira was almost as bad, coming one K short of matching Rodriguez in complete uselessness (thought Rodriguez still has bigger tits). The entire team was shut down by Lee, who has done nothing but dominate since coming over in the Indians fire sale at the deadline.

That Was A Great Pitch......... For a Camel To Jizz On.

On the other side of the ball, Sabathia, the $161 Million man, got hammered by Chase Utley twice and after he was out, it took five relievers to get 6 outs, while giving up four more runs. He missed his location and became the first left handed pitcher to give up two homers to a lefty hitter not named Babe Ruth. On the second shot he also clearly shook off Posada twice, proving that it was his own shitty idea to throw a pitch right down the pipe to Utley.

Feel The Awesomeness.

The secret to Utley’s power is not in his hours of practice, or his tremendous ability, but in his magical hair. If you were watching last night after his second homer, you saw how majestic it was. It looked like something that you will see kids wearing on Saturday night, made of rubber and not moving unless you take a jackhammer to it. I don’t know what was in it (SMC suggested camel semen, and he had to ask some chick how to spell semen), but whatever it was, they should have used it to hold together Yankee Stadium’s crumbing foundation.

Tonight a lonely Red Sox nation (and Phillies fans, if anyone actually cares about them) turns its eyes to an old friend. Pedro Martinez, who did not in fact die after the 2004 season, will take the hill tonight in the new Asshole of the Universe, and try to give his Daddy a beating of his own. If you are wondering whether or not it is O.K. to root for Pedro, who some felt betrayed by because he took more money and more years from the Mets after 2004, the answer is yes. Pedro changed everything for us. He helped make it cool to be a Sox fan again, and made at least one out of every five games definite appointment viewing. Add to that the fact that he is playing the Yankees and will have to deal with 45,000 effheads yelling “Who’s Your Daddy” and that the oil in his hair (You’ve Gotta Let Your Soul Glo) could heat the North End for the winter, and every Sox fan should be rooting for Pedro like the old days.

Go Pedro. Go Sox.

108 Days.

Done.

Please, Phillies, Please Beat the Yankees, If Only to Make Their Fans Shut Up.

I know, coming from a belligerent, angry, asshole Red Sox fan, that sounds like the biggest bunch of hypocrisy since Keith Richards told kids not to do drugs. Since the Greatest Postseason Comeback (Yankees Choke) in the history of sports, we have been rubbing every success in the faces of our rivals to the south. People all over the country got sick of us and our prolonged celebration of how great Boston and all of our teams are. So me asking the Phillies to win to keep the Yankees fans from being able to talk, may strike many as overkill, but really, it will be better for all of us.

Let me first tell you where from where I am coming (sounds weird, doesn’t it, but that is the proper English). I have been a Sox fan since a glove and hat were put in my crib when I was born just a Dwight Evans throw from the ballpark. The first scarring moment came when my parents woke me up, as so many did, to see the Sox win it all in ’86. That did not work out well. For the next eighteen years, through good and bad Sox teams, I had to deal with my Yankees fan cousins, one of whom has never lost an argument, at least in his eyes, telling me how much I should be ashamed of my allegiance to the Red Sox.

And then there was 2003. It didn’t matter to them that the Yanks lost the Series, or that the Sox had just as good a team as they had. They were merciless, brutalizing my already fragile ego and coming as close as anyone ever has to making me believe that the Sox weren’t ever going to win a title.

As I come to you today, I am humbling myself. Tony Massaroti, normally a level headed writer, wrote this afternoon on Boston.com about how Sox fans should root for the Yankees to win in order to bring some heat back to the rivalry and convince Theo and the Trio to spend the cash that they need to to bring the club back to the top. I say that we are already there. I’m angry that a few million bucks and the fact that Leigh Teixeira firmly holds her husbands balls in her purse kept the Sox from getting over the top, and now that same asshole is on the cusp of a title. I’m angry that a blue lipped, bitch tit sprouting, Madonna banging (then again who hasn’t) classless fuck got further into October than the Sox. They don’t need to win a title to make me, or most Sox fans, angry. That is already happening.

What does need to happen is that the Phillies need to put them in their place. Although I have no particular love for the Phils, they all seem like class guys, and none of them have ever done anything that pissed me off enough to hope they get a particularly virulent strain of herpes. They need to do it for me, for you and for every other Sox fan who has to put up with Yankees fans at work, in their family, or within 500 miles of them. They need to keep us from a winter of 13 year old kids who root for the Yankees just to piss off people telling them about how their team is so awesome and have won 27 titles (only one of which they remember).

Phillies, please do what Curt Schilling, himself a former Phillie, said he would do when he got to Boston, and make 55,000 Yankees fans shut the fuck up. The rest of them will do the same.

Go Sox.

109 Days.

Done.

Why I Simply Can’t Get Myself Interested in The League Championship Series.

Does anyone else find it hard to keep watching baseball this season? At the end of last year, I found myself completely engrossed in the World Series, even lacking a local presence. This season, however, I just can’t get interested. The games might as well be (non World Cup) soccer for all the energy and thought I have put into them. I have been keeping up with what is going on, but there is really no compelling story to keep me reeled in, especially after the Angels lost the first two games to the Yanks. Each of the teams has flaws, and something of a story, but there are no reasons to like any of them.

I just can't get over this picture.

The Yankees – Wow, another Steinbrenner paid for quarter billion dollar juggernaut is racing towards a championship? Somebody alert the Pope, he may want to add another book to the Bible. These guys are not even likable in the least way. Their best players are a Boras-Bot whose wife clearly wears the pants in the relationship,  a blue lipped billionaire who has to be on the roids again because his traditional October crapout is still to come, and a guy so fat that his jersey has more pinstripes on it than anyone’s in history. The $560 million or so devoted to these three guys has made them less fun, where as most of us, if given that kind of dollars, would be much more fun. Do you care about these guys? Do you hope that they get the title that will help validate their lives? I thought not.

What the hell does a Monkey have to do with the Angels?

The Angels – They are the team of destiny, the team that lost one of their own early in the season, and the team that tore the huge monkey off of their backs last week by taking down the team that had ousted them four straight times. On Saturday night, the bars in Boston were full of people rooting for them to crush the Yanks as they had the Sox. But there is something missing, most likely their ability to beat the Yanks at the stadium, any semblance of a reliable closer, and the East coast bias that refuses to let me care about them. Were they up 2-0 instead of down right now I’d probably be wearing my old Angels little league shirt (from the team coached by Jimmy Junk) and cheering about how they are going to cause a murder-suicide (Cashman-Steinbrenner) at the end of the season. As is, I could really care less. (Unless they win tonight and tomorrow).

Most people I know from Philly like it in the face.

The Phillies – They won last year and didn’t make many changes over the winter. The city of Philadelphia is too recently sated with a title to completely explode and burn it self down like they almost did last year when they won. They have no personality and even Pedro seems to have toned down the Soul Glo in his hair. Nobody except for Cliff Lee is on this ride for the first time and most of them are just too damn businesslike. In short, they are boring, and nobody likes a boring story. At least if it were Detroit we would be able to take bets on the over/under of arrests made in the celebration or how quickly the city would be abandoned after the fires.

Nuff Ced.

The Dodgers – Have no shot. Who exactly is on their team? Oh, they do have the only really compelling character in either series, in Andre Ethier, but he’s not enough, and their pitching staff is weaker than Troy Duffy’s hopes to win an Oscar.

118 Days.

Go Sox.

Done.